5/27/03

When We Were Kings By: Beemer Dan It was back in the early 90's, at a small coffeehouse called Muddy's Java Cafe. Most of us were riding our first motorcycles, mostly small caliber Kawasakis, Yamahas, Suzukis and Hondas, a slect few had a banged up Triumph or something. The going rate for a good condition 70's Japanese ride was a buck per cc. That was about all most of us could afford too. Some of the gang hadn't moved out of their parent's place yet, others of us had shoebox size studio apartments on the cheap. It was after the Gulf War but before the big technology boom set in......more		Rats On Ice! By: Wes Yep! No big deal really... I mean... just because there happens to be a little ice and snow on the ground does NOT mean the riding season is over. Just like everything else... you need the right equipment to do it. Ok.. first big piece of expensive... fancy...equipment that you will need is a bike that you are not going to freakout over when you drop it. Thats right... *when* you drop it. It is going to happen as there are two types of winter riders: Those who have fell and those who haven't fallen yet! But.. dont let that freak you out!! *laugh* Just simply pick a bike that you dont really care that much about....more		The Perfect Garage By: various contributors If you've ever rebuilt a pair of forks in the dead cold of winter or had the luck to roll your bike into the kitchen for a valve job, it's hit you. All those little things that would make your garage a place suitible for any project of great length and mastery. A garage with things like a tiled or carpeted floor, huge banks of halogen lights, extension cords and power strips at every possible needed location. Maybe a huge workbench with motor mounts and a vice that could hold an entire frame. A fridge filled with beverage and eats, maybe an espresso machine too. ....more
He Who Dies with the Most Toys Loses By: Revrend Jon April 19, 2001 I was watching the TV above the counter at a local diner the other day, which has become my last remaining source of mass-media intake. Some banal morning show was airing a segment about all the new entertainment gadgets which are now available for cars, featuring some guy from an e-business called coolshit.com or something like that.....more		Motorcycle Poetry By: Beemer Dan It may seem odd to think of the motorcyclist as an emotional pool swimming with an artisan fever comparable to the likes of Monet or Copland. It seems unplausible when witnessing the general demeanor and behavior of a group of uglies astride metal monstrosoties, out for the charge on a sunday moring. Everthing from the cold stoic graybeard adventurer to the young self-rightous adrenaline laced roadracer appear to take the entire concept of an inner spirituality and disperse it in the blast of dirt and rubber flinging from the rear tire. ....more		Therapy for The Proletariat By: Beemer Dan "You remember everything? The truck running you over? Laying in the street? Your injuries?" The doctor inquired, this time with a furrowed look. "Yeah, all of it" I replied through the web of tubes protruding from my face. "I'm sorry to tell you this," he said " but you have post traumatic stress disorder. Do you know what PTSD is?" The doctors eyes glanced from me to the clipboard in his hand as he said this. "Shell shock, yeah, I know what it is" I really didn't care at the moment, the pain emanating from every pore in by body was of greater importance. It didn't sink in fully until my first flashback, my first nightmare, my first panic attack......they all began hours after that conversation, and they continue to this day....more
The Sewer: A great place to make new friends By: Evan It was a Saturday evening and I had already blown off Aaron's invitation to ride Golden Gate Canyon that day. I actually didn't blow it off, I merely failed to have my ride in order. You see, some little humpy decided they would pretend the were a motorcyclist while I was at work. This idiot kid managed to mount my Duc and set it up enough to where the kickstand raised (ingenious little spring loaders, eh?). Long story short, the lowers were damaged from hitting the pavement real hard. I came home to find Catie in a pool of her own fluids. I was enraged until the insurance check arrived. ....more		A Turtle In The Snow By: Ames It would seem that Old Man Winter has decided to have a final chuckle at our expense. I'm sure that last night, as some of us struggled home in weather conditions we hadn't fully expected, he was on the ground rolling around in convulsive fits of laughter. My personal journey was, I've no doubt, enough to keep him in stitches for some time. Especially when I was pinned under my bike at the off ramp for a major highway, but I get ahead of myself. I left work about 2200 and immediately realized that this would not be a fun ride. Not that I'm adverse to riding in the snow, I usually enjoy it, but this was that wet, sticky, heavy snow that usually turns to ice underneath and makes for some really treacherous handling. I'm sure the Eskimo’s have a word for it that probably translates as “slippery snow of death.” ....more		The Boneyard By: RevD 893 Who doesn't love going down to the boneyard? For me the magnetism is powerful: I have a head that will turn to hear any small engine, and eyes that will follow any moving two wheeled thing and note its details, and thus a motorcycle salvage yard is, to my moto-hungry eyes, a rich, almost overwhelming all-you-can-eat buffet. Friday dawned bright and unseasonably warm, brighter for me because I had the night off from work. After catching up on my sleep and taking care of some errands, it was time to take the bike out and do something, anything, besides commute. I shook my internal Magic 8 ball to check for guidance, and an answer floated to the surface of the blue liquid: Go to the Boneyard. And so it was. I fired up my bike and headed for places industrial....more
Sick Headlines By: Beemer Dan Ever wished there was a satirical news source just for motorcyclists? Yeah, me too. Until then, I'm gonna make a special coulumn each issue and come up with headlines that we'd really like to see. Also, if you've got some of your own you'd like to contribute send em here or post em to the message board. And now, the headlines: Local Dude, Late for Ride Again Area Man Sells Child, New Sportbike On The Way In Amazing Turn of Events, Chrome Gets Man Home ....more		Top XXV Signs Your SUV is Too Damn Big By: Known Associate 25. Standard features included "personal escalators" for driver and passenger doors and a hydraulic lift for the rear. 24. The Red Cross approaches you about using it as a quick response refugee camp. 23. The local building inspector fines you for building an addition to your house without a permit. 22. Truck drivers look up as you pass and motion for you to honk your horn. ....more		R U A Bike Abuser??? Here's a post that was found simultaniously by RevD and NingaMel on the Truimph lists online. They sent it in and I just had to print it up. If you know the originator of this post please let me know so I can give credit where it is due.-ed How many of these apply to you? 1. I have gone riding when I was depressed, or to cheer myself up 2. I have gone on riding binges of several tanks of gas or more in a day. ....more

Emergency Card By: Two Truck Ted I heard you had a postcard or something with all of your emergency information on it. Do you have something I could look at so I can make my own? Several years ago I was at a local dealer and overheard an old salt talking about how placing a "DO NOT REMOVE" sticker on a helmet was simply not enough, that every rider should carry an easy to find sheet of paper with all his emergency info. He continued that much like a pistol (his words :) when needed it should be easy to find and easy to use. Well that made perfect sense to me so I set about trying to figure out the best way to do this. I came up with a solution that has (literally) worked for me.....more		News From The Apocolypse By: Agent Johnny Socko 893 To the beloved malcontents, freaks,grease mokeys,skags and biker trash. I present to you a small bit of intrest. Here we go.... Three names Terry Hayes, Brian Hannant, and Our Patron Saint the good Dr.George Miller.Sound Familiar?It should. These three people had a vision. There vision of a fuel infected suicide machine burned a rubber road to freedom and made many of us who we are today. Well It is also possible that this vision was prophecy.....more		The True Danger By: Beemer Dan Not long ago, the National Highway and Transportation Saftey Administration(NHTSA) in conjunction with the Department of Transportation (DOT) released the results of a study claiming that there has been an increase in injury and fatality in motorcycle accidents since the repeal of manditory helmet laws in the states of Texas and Arkansas. The way these departments of the government document thier research and findings to the public eye, you would think that motorcyclists just ride around running into things all day long. You would think that we, as motorcyclists, are a bunch of crazed maniacs with no self control and therefore must be governed over by those who feel they no better and can press upon us laws and legislation.....more
waiting for life to start again By: Beemer Dan Anyone who has ever lost their motorcycle in an accident knows that there is really no replacement. It's like someone has killed your best friend and gotten away clean. In May of this year a moron in a really large American truck ran a red light and smashed me and my bike. My last true memory of my 850 roadster is seeing it wedged under that truck: gasoline, smoke, oil, fire and sparks bursting from it. My bike slowed the truck down, preventing it from hitting me again. After that it was a blur of pain and ambulances and emergency rooms and CT scans and anestheics and surgery and everyone looking down at me like I was broken in half......I basically was......and then there were the nightmares.....more		The Truth About Motorcycle Accidents By: Beemer Dan We've all seen those TV commercials where the slimy lawyer talks about how he can get you "every penny you deserve". They like to have case examples with people saying how much money they got for a hangnail. It's enough to convince anyone that if they get hurt in any way by anyone or anything they'll walk away a millionaire. In some cases that might be true, but when it comes to motorcycle accidents the story changes drastically. The sad truth is that you'll be lucky to limp away with your pride and enough money to get a new bike. The following article covers the blunt truths about what to expect, what to beware of and what you can do to be better prepared.....more		Sunday Sermon on Riding in the Snow By: Beemer Dan Well, the frosty giant has once again begun his descent upon our lives. The days have shrunk and the public service bill is growing. As I rode a bit through the city today I thought of some things, my friends near and far, the past winters I've crashed through, the heated grips I endlessly thank some nameless soul for inventing, the songs we all sing to keep our faces from freezing at 10 degrees on an icy frontage road in the dark going 65mph. ....more
A Night At The Tower By: Voodoo Yes, commentary from one of those least likely to say anything of consequence, and very likely to get himself and others killed because of his well chosen prose. Tonight's program starts in a barroom just north of the Denver city limits. You see I have this friend Aaron who accepted a job as a bartender in a little place you'd be granting a huge compliment describing as a "dive". Personally I think of the Tower Bar as a desparate plunge into the depths of trailer trash hell. Within these cinderblock walls the slippery path into the underworld is greased liberally with cheap booze, a few women who don't own their own teeth, and old rock music on the Victrola that has long since lost its ability to motivate and just keeps you stuck in a kind of social limbo. ....more		Homophobia vs. Racism By: Patrick Inniss Thirty plus years after the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., it's amazing how many people still don't understand what racial equality is all about. A prime example of the widespread failure to come to a true acceptance of intrinsic human dignity and worth was provided by Washington State Senator Gary Nelson, R-Edmonds, while arguing against a bill to ban discrimination based upon sexual orientation. According to an article in The Seattle Times on February 23, 1994, Senator Nelson opposed gay rights because he felt that homosexuality was merely a behavior, and a minority defined by a behavior should not be protected like racial minorities or the disabled. In other words, gays should not be afforded the same legal protection as African Americans, for example, because gays choose to be gays, but blacks do not choose to be black. ....more		Brigestone/Firestone Antitank Tires Reach 88 Kills By: Rev. John September 2, 2000 Thanks to Beemer Dan of UTMC for giving me this idea By now I'm sure you have all heard about the recall of some 1.5 million defective Bridgestone/Firestone truck tires which are standard OEM equipment on Ford Explorers. Well, B/F's antitank tires have just reached 88 confirmed kills, and the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration has issued a safety advisory for over a million more tires which B/F has refused to include in the recall. ....more

The 1981 Hurt study The Hurt study, published in 1981, was a ground-breaking report on the causes and effects of motorcycle accidents. Although almost 20 years old at this time, the study still offers riders insight into the statistics regarding motorcycle accidents and tips on safer riding. With funds from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, researcher Harry Hurt (from which the study gets its common name) of the University of Southern California, investigated almost every aspect of 900 motorcycle accidents in the Los Angeles area. Additionally, Hurt and his staff analyzed 3,600 motorcycle traffic accident reports in the same geographic area. ....more

Shut Up and Ride by: Reverend Jon In early April of 2000 I stumbled onto this hardcore web site for chopper aficionados. The pages on this site were riddled with little mottos & sayings alluding to the fact that "real" bikers eat, shit & breathe motorcycles, make their bikes the central objects of their lives & think about nothing else. Both the columnists and the message-posters bitch constantly about the yuppie posers who trailer their $30,000 billet barges to rallies and events. .....more

Why not call it truck world: An open letter to the editorial staff of Cycle World magazine By: Beemer Dan Dear Cycle World editorial staff, I have read your magazine for years and enjoyed a great deal of the articles, commentary, humor and photographs. I have even enjoyed browsing many of the advertisements for various motorcycle events and products. Unfortunately, as of late I have been very disappointed with all of the advertisements for trucks. ....more

Always Wear Drawers! by: Dallas Well, here I go again! This time I wasn’t on I-95 though. I was on Lombard street coming back from a party Monday, 3/20/00 in Center City Philadelphia. It was 23:15 and raining/icing and luckily I wasn’t too far from home. Because my bike is new, I have to stay below the 5k rpm mark till the break-in is over so I wasn’t being a fool. There was no street traffic though so I was tempted. Lombard street isn’t known for being level or without an abundant share of divots. In fact the street is kind of concave in spots. In some places it’s literally banked like a stock car track! Anyhow, this was a dress to impress kinda party so I wasn’t in my jeans....more

How to get out of speeding tickets By: Beemer Dan It's the same old story, you're blasting along on your bike having a nice time darting through the traffic and getting ahead of all the morons in SUV's. Then it happens, you look in your rear view and see Johnny Law stuck to your six with all the lights in Vegas wagging at ya. Sometimes the rush of adrenaline kicks in, the momentary panic, excuses run through your brain. Above all else is the humiliation in getting spotted, it seems like the only cars that actually notice bikes are the boys in blue with the radar pistol. So what to do, you've been pulled over and unless you're real lucky you're gonna get slapped with at best a fifty smacker fine and at worst a night or two in the pokey. Here's how to get real lucky....more (Disclaimer: The methods and advice in this article have worked very well for me. Although I reccomend the following tactics, I take no responsiblility if you get beat up by cops, get your bike impounded, thrown in prison for life, get beat up by felons, get rectally violated, lose your friends, get disowned by your family, your dog hates you, etc, etc, etc... Use at your own damn risk)

Soup Is Good Food by: Dallas What is it with me and I-95 North!?!? I’m riding between Philly and points North today (12/21/99) Just enjoying my new 2000 Kawasaki ZR7 that I’d purchased for my birthday nearly a month prior. I’m coming off a classic bike and riding this piece of modern machinery is really doing good things to my ego.....more

Why Cars Need To Be More Dangerous by: Reverend Jon By now, most of you who are reading this have cars with antilock brake systems (ABS), a clever innovation which detects when the brakes have locked and modulates them automatically to prevent loss of traction. Truly a marvel of technological sophistication, the average ABS is a fantastically complicated bit of machinery, loaded with sensors & equipped with a microprocessor which can store literally hundreds of different error codes, should anything go wrong with the equipment. So, what effect has the widespread use of ABS had on accident statistics? Zippo. Nada. Big goose egg. OK, then, why the hell don't they take them out?....more

Thanks old man By: Beemer Dan He had a strange look in his eye as he gathered himself to go, it had been a very mild season of work. He was done tho, for now. As I watched old man winter leave, I couldn't help but wonder why he had been so lax in the usual work of making my daily commute an utter mess. Not that I'm complaining, I'll take a sunny day over a snowy one any time. It was just odd. ...more

The Wave By: Norman The Wave. A ritual that binds, a salute that separates, an acknowledgement that we are of a special breed. I have a fond childhood memory of my first wave, my initiation into the wonderful world of motorcycles. My dad had taken me out to the airport so i could ride my mini-bike without being hassled by the 'man'. As we returned home from riding, i remember sitting in the back of the station wagon with my minibike. I noticed a motorcycle slowly catching up to us. Then, my life changed forever. .....more

The Joy of HAZMAT By: Danny's Girl How was I supposed to know? This is my first bike and I am unaccustomed to the rules surrounding the handling of vehicular fluids. I am well aware that the EPA, as well as neighborhood felines, frown upon the disposal of chemical waste in unapproved areas like dumpsters and alleys. However, I had no idea how difficult it would be to do otherwise...

My boyfriend recently bought me a 1966 Zundapp KS100 Commemorative Edition as a graduation present. It’s adorable, simple, and has a great deal of character and history. For the most part, the bike is stock and in great condition. The day it arrived at the house, it needed new tires, a new headlight ring, rear shocks, a tail light lens, and a thorough cleaning. This being my first bike I thought I would start with the easy stuff. I washed and polished every piece I could access without removing any parts. Then I thought the next elementary step would be to clean out the gas tank. .....more

But if you do crash... By: Flamethrower2 Nobody wants to,but it does happen. Here are some do's, and dont's. ...more

1989 Suzuki Kat 6....(1997) By: Patrick Inniss I own this 1989 Katana 600 because of the Internet. I saw it advertised in a newsgroup. A Katana 600 for $300 got my interest, even though the ad made it clear that the machine was in no shape to ride. When I called for more details I found that the machine had been stolen and stripped of it gas tank, instruments, headlight and turn signals, battery, and all the body panels and most of the associated brackets. But the major mechanical pieces were all in place. The key had been punched out, and I later discovered that in the course of stripping off the pieces the wiring harness had been chopped. But for $300? I figured out that either the motor or chassis alone would be worth that.....more

God Damn Independent A Rant By: Aaron Da Cop So I promised Beemer Dan a while back that I would write an article for the UTMC page. The problem was that I really wanted to bitch and gripe, but didn't really feel like offending someone...well I have solved the problem there with two simple things. First ALL names have been changed to protect the moronic and non-moronic alike. Secondly I just don't give a rats ass anymore. ....more

Top 25 Signs By: Known Associate Top 25 Signs that Your Probably not Really a Biker 25.Your helmet has built-in windshield wipers. 24.Think the phrase "rubber-side down" is a vague euphemism about safe sex. 23.Everything on your bike is still under warranty. 22.You got your bike after watching a Lorenzo Lamas movie. 21.Your bike cost more than a Harvard education. ....more

Us, The Riders of Discontent by: Agent Socko

Well Ladies and gentleman I think that it is plain to see...As stated in the past there is a gap in the world of the two wheeler. The power Rangers of the lakeshore drives,Underdressed and Over Powered. The Creakey Dodger on his ripe Two wheeled couch doing their best impression of Kapt.Kirk on a UFO.The gritty hardcore one percent (no description required) and The Goldcard Country Club Elite who often sport the finest shine and least proper use. Where do you fit in? Well I don't either....more