Those of us in the engineering profession tend to want to believe that every problem
can be solved with technology. We would like to think that we can make a car which
is so sophisticated, so automatic, that it will make even the biggest numbnuts on
earth drive like Mario Andretti. So we load cars up, to the tune of $10,000, with
safety features like ABS, airbags, impact crumple zones and daytime running lights.
Trouble is, the problem is not, nor has it ever been, the safety of the cars. The
problem is still, as it has always been, the safety of the dickhead behind the wheel.
In fact, all of these supposed safety features might be counterproductive, since
they tend to give the driver a feeling of invulnerability. (Picture some yuppie moron
who thinks that an SUV can corner like a sportscar, saying in a Superman-like voice,
"I can drive like an asshole; I've got antilock brakes!")
So, how do we make cars safer? Simple. First, take out all the seat belts, air bags,
crumple zones and ABS crap. Next, put an eight inch steel spike in the center of
the steering column. Maybe have the spike emit a faint humming sound at random intervals,
just so you don't forget that it's there. This is also appealing from a Darwinian
natural-selection viewpoint, since the chronic tailgaters/rear-enders would undoubtedly
be the first ones to get spiked. Imagine the bloody horror show right on the 11:00
news; a young stockbroker-type in a spotless new Ford Explorer, slumped over the
steering wheel with a razor-sharp steel tip protruding from his back, viscera and
gore spattered all over the windshield and soaked into the upholstery... Now that
would make cars safer!
Rev. Jon is 30 years old, hacks code for a living and has recently finished a
masters degree in mathematics at Drexel University.
He runs the Malcontent
Yuppie Biker's Homepage, and is also an ordained minister in the Universal Life Church. (Check out the ULC
if you too want to become an ordained minister over the web. This is not a joke,
and it's perfectly legal). The Reverend's hobbies include dabbling in art, music,
winemaking and fiction writing. He rides his ass off on his little
black Sportster whenever possible. |
