Although not really a biker Known Associate has been hanging around the 667 and the rest of us freaks for quite some time and thought he would have some fun by making this list. Please feel free to make suggestions, or hurtle insults to his face. Replies may be sent to pvawter@du.edu.

Top 25 Signs By: Known Associate

Top 25 Signs that Your Probably not Really a Biker

25.Your helmet has built-in windshield wipers.

24.Think the phrase "rubber-side down" is a vague euphemism about safe sex.

23.Everything on your bike is still under warranty.

22.You got your bike after watching a Lorenzo Lamas movie.

21.Your bike cost more than a Harvard education.

20.The members of your club all have nicknames taken from Disney films.

19.Your bike has never gone beyond the city limits.

18.You have a battery-powered seat warmer with a custom massage unit.

17.At the first sign of rain you switch to driving your SUV.

16.Your riding gloves are Isotoners.

15.You consider shorts, $2 sandals, and a Bad Boy T-shirt adequate riding gear.

14.You think that Sturgis refers to a type a fish.

13. You have never had to call a friend at 2 in the morning to come pick you
and your bike up in the middle of nowhere in their truck.

12.Think that highsiding has something to do with the Dow Jones average.

11.You have never dumped your bike while talking to a couple of pretty girls in front of the local coffee shop.

10.Have never dumped your bike, period.

9.Your leather jacket couldn't survive a paper cut, much less a slide across asphalt at 80 m.p.h.

8.Your club patch is a teddy bear.

7.You've never visited the UTMC web site.

6.Your girlfriend's parents keep referring to you as "that nice, young man."

5.You think a "patching party" refers to old ladies making a quilt.

4.If at your club parties:
There's beer left over after the party.
The cops never had to bust you for disturbing the peace.
No one got naked.
Everyone talks about what happened last week on Ally McBeal.
Everyone's home in time to watch M*A*S*H*

If you never got pulled over by the cops "...just because.."
3.Two words: Harley Davidson.
2.You're depressed because you having nothing to do on a Sunday afternoon
with a clear sky and 65-degree weather.
1.You ride with those momma's boys from the 667.