Sick Headlines By: Beemer Dan Ever wished there was a satirical news source just for motorcyclists? Yeah, me too. Until then, I'm gonna make a special column each issue and come up with headlines that we'd really like to see. Also, if you've got some of your own you'd like to contribute send em here or post em to the message board. And now, the headlines: Local Dude, Late for Ride Again Area Man Sells Child, New Sportbike On The Way In Amazing Turn of Events, Chrome Gets Man Home

Local Motorcyclist 'Almost dies' 472nd day in a row while riding in traffic Mat Miladin Blames Own Dumb Self For Losing Race AMA Dumps Chevy Truck Sponsorship in Favor of Better Funding From Monsanto Left Sidecover for 82 Honda to be Auctioned to Highest Bidder Local Law Enforcement Pries bike keys from From Cold Dead Hand Downtown Starbucks Closes, Hundreds of RUB's Homeless Jane Fonda Disliked, Rumors Say Super Cool Neon Lights Blamed In Battery Death Goldwing Sales Skyrocket, Worldwide Cup-Holder Shortage 10 Year Member of H.O.G. Finally Gets Bike MI:2 Blamed for 5,329,218 Stoppie Related Deaths in 2000-2001 Local Biker Hits Tree, Trying to Impress Chicks Homeless Man Insists He Has Very First Indian Chief (In Storage) Loud Pipe Saves Lives, Awarded Medal of Bravery Suzuki To Give Away Free Shorts and Flip-Flops With New Hyabusa Purchases BMW Rider Banished From Owners Group for Inadequate Mileage Local 1%er Steals Mother and Shoots Bike in Loyalty Test Mixup NHTSA Concludes That Fuckin Trucks Really Do Fuckin Suck Ford Explorer/ Firestone Given Awards For Preventative Safety Measures In Motorcycle Community Resident Woman Claims Road Rash Scar Looks Exactly Like Elvis Backyard Mechanic Adds NOS Kit To Electric Razor, Saws Off Head. After Five Years, Garaged Yamaha YSR Project Seems No Closer To Completion Local Husband And Father Of Two Forced to Sleep On Couch 'Forever' After Purchase Of New Bike Motorcycle Gods Angered, Plagues Of Flaming Triumphs, Leaking Harleys, Whiny Hondas, Unreliable Ducatis and Ugly BMWs Unleashed If any of you are interested in writing satirical articles I'd be willing to make a special section just for em;-)