Brigestone/Firestone Antitank Tires Reach 88 Kills By: Rev. John September 2, 2000 Thanks to Beemer Dan of UTMC for giving me this idea By now I'm sure you have all heard about the recall of some 1.5 million defective Bridgestone/Firestone truck tires which are standard OEM equipment on Ford Explorers. Well, B/F's antitank tires have just reached 88 confirmed kills, and the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration has issued a safety advisory for over a million more tires which B/F has refused to include in the recall.

We here at MYB cannot condone reveling in someone else's misery; that would be bad karma indeed... But the very topic of karma seems to suggest the following question; is this an ordinary tragedy, or a classic case of SUV owners reaping what they sow? Before you start sending me hate mail, I know that your uncle Lou is the greatest guy on earth, and that he has a perfectly legitimate reason for owning one of these monstrosities. But admit it; 99.9% of SUV owners bought the damn things because they thought it would make them safe. Of course, the gaping flaw in this theory is that you're not the only one who thinks this way- the guy who ploughs into your Ford Explorer with his Lincoln Navigator had the same asshole idea. And when everybody is driving around in four-wheeled tanks, it's not safe, it's dangerous as hell. If it's true that what goes around comes around, then it was inevitable that these people have brought upon themselves that which they had intended to inflict on the rest of us- karmic retribution for attempting to make themselves safer by becoming more dangerous to others. But I, as usual, have the solution. When I become emperor, I will make it mandatory for every driver to get a motorcycle license & ride for two years before becoming eligible for an automobile license. I think this will work nicely; in addition to applying a little Darwinian natural selection, it would instill in those who survive a bit more empathy for their fellow man. Rev. Jon is 30 years old, hacks code for a living and has recently finished a masters degree in mathematics at Drexel University. He runs the Malcontent Yuppie Biker's Homepage, and is also an ordained minister in the Universal Life Church. (Check out the ULC if you too want to become an ordained minister over the web. This is not a joke, and it's perfectly legal). The Reverend's hobbies include dabbling in art, music, winemaking and fiction writing. He rides his ass off on his little black Sportster whenever possible.