Always Wear Drawers! by: Dallas Well, here I go again! This time I wasn’t on I-95 though. I was on Lombard street coming back from a party Monday, 3/20/00 in Center City Philadelphia. It was 23:15 and raining/icing and luckily I wasn’t too far from home. Because my bike is new, I have to stay below the 5k rpm mark till the break-in is over so I wasn’t being a fool. There was no street traffic though so I was tempted. Lombard street isn’t known for being level or without an abundant share of divots. In fact the street is kind of concave in spots. In some places it’s literally banked like a stock car track! Anyhow, this was a dress to impress kinda party so I wasn’t in my jeans.

We all know REAL men don’t wear underwear with their jeans. Especially when riding (feel that testosterone flow yet?) So here I was easing my ass home on this obstacle course called Lombard street (between 24th & 25th) when suddenly I was sliding along the street separated from my beloved bike and hoping the damage wouldn’t be extensive. I JUST BOUGHT THE DAMNED THING!!

If you’ve been reading almost any of the motorcycle magazines of late, you know of a do-it-all bike called the ZR7. Kawasaki’s only standard for 2000. This thing can do it all and is easy on the pocket as well. Well I’m here to add another thing it’s good at. TAKING A FALL! Because of the lack of plastic, there was minimal damage after sliding along the street. I damaged (still functional, didn’t even break the lens) the left front turn signal and scraped up my generator cover punching a hole in it. The clutch lever took a little scraping as well as the handlebar cap. I noticed a little nip on my front fender (nobody’ll ever notice). This thing can do all the things the magazines say (and only needs 87 octane gas!) plus it can take a fall with minimal damage too! If I was on a sport bike, we all know the plastic would’ve been toast. If I were on a cruiser, the bars would’ve been toast. Because of the little Euro bars on the ZR7, they took it with aplomb (brushing away tear of pride). I brushed myself off, hit the starter and continued on my way home. Because I carry enough keys to turn a high school janitor green with envy, I ripped my pants into the Robinson Crusoe style within inches of my fall. Luckily, I was wearing drawers (I should get residuals from BVD for this) and didn’t have to worry about getting arrested for indecent exposure along with everything else that night. In defense of jeans, they wouldn’t have ripped so easily leaving me and the family jewels on display like these pansy-assed dress slacks. Two lessons here boys!

1. Stay off Lombard street in the rain

2. Wear drawers beneath your non-jeans cause if you fall, you’ll be showing it ALL.

PS. I'm older now and have to tell ya that when I fall I no longer go BOING, BOING then get up and smile. My ol' ass now goes crash, crunch then lay I there a while.

Dallas is a resident of Philidelphia and the proud owner of a new Kawasaki ZR7. He's been on bikes since the age of 16 and doesn't drive cars. He is also the drummer for the kickass punk band Thorazine. You can read reviews about Thorazine here, see thier videos here, or buy CD's here.