12/26-27/00
EarlyWeek Update
Ahhh..... a whole week off! I love my job, even more when I don't have to go eh.
• The Cramps:
Everybody's favorite band "The Cramps" will be playing a new years eve
show at the Ogden, WOOHOOO!!! Unfourtunately it looks like I'm gonna miss it because
of prior plans, satan please forgive me. I've seen The Cramps live twice and they
are fuggin great! If you get the chance to catch this show, do it! You won't be sorry.
• Thanx Pave:
Allright! we got like four or five inches of snow yesterday and it's already melted
off the streets! Even the side streets! This is great!
• Return of da Cookie Man:
Yes, the rumors are true! It seems the our dear brothah Rue of the 893 will be
returning to Denvah next month with his tatoo gun in hand! I'm not sure how long
he'll be in town for but I'm sure there will be plenty of chances for a blizzard
BBQ or two. Also, Rue is makin his road cash slingin ink, so if you're in the market
for some new birthmarks your chance has arrived to get em. I'll update more when
I get the details.
• Movie Shit:
It looks like I'm able to pan around with a camera good enough to get back to
shooting on my first feature length film, FistFull of Donuts. Since it's been so
long since the ealry planning stages of the movie I'll need a few new freelance actor
types to play some smaller roles here and there. With any luck we'll be able to get
brothah Theo back for a couple of days to perform his role as Avagadro, the host
of Donut Utpoia, more on that when I can get ahold of him. Also, if anyone has Lou's
phone number, please email it to me eh.
• T-shirt Contest:
Brothah Ames was the winner of the free Nuke and Pave t-shirt for getting the
correct answer to how many times the tires changed in the bike chase scene in Mission
Impossible 2. Stefan of the RatBike Zone also
got a t-shirt a couple of months back for bringing this groovy bit of trivia to my
attention.
• Speaking of:
....T-shirts, who want's a sneak preview of the full line of UTMC t-shirts that will be going into production soon eh?
Allright, good to hear yer interested! Click here for the full scoop
If you wanna be the first on your block to have one of the new designs, just email
me and I'll set one aside for ya.
That's it for now, if any other grooooooovy news pops up I'll be sure to print it here. Till then I'll be off riding and fugging off!
12/20-21/00
MidWeek Update
Anyone who's a real biker rode today eh? I rode mine from the sidewalk in front of the hice to the fuggin garage, then had my sweetheart gimmie a ride to work in her cage;-) Yeah yeah, call me a lamer, with this bigass weather rod in my leg I can barley walk in this cold let alone ride in it eh? On another note, I'll have some days off next week So I'll be around a bit if the weather isn't all fucked like today. Anyhu, here's the news......
• NOOOOO!!!:
A sad note comes our way from dear Sistah Mel:
"So another reason why trucks fukin suck...
Sitting down enjoying a nice late B- fast at Mae's on Phinney Ridge and I look out
the window to notice a large mercedies benz SUV backing out of a parking (paralell)
space located to the left side of my bike.... she backs up 7 or so feet I think "
cool wont hit the bike" and go back to the conversation with my lovely dining
companions... turn back around and notice that my beautiful scoot is now lying prone
on her right side and gushing liquid. "oh fuck" sayz I and leap to my feet.
So psyco Suv bitch has left the sceen but a kind gent has capured
her plate # so I've got something to work with ...in the midst of removing the freeing
pannel to see why the # quarts of oil that shoulkd be in my bike are currently graceing
the street, mrs.euro SUV driver gets caught by her guilty consience and returns.
So she says to me " oh I tapped it on my way out i am sorry... Iam sure it is
not as bad as it looks." GAHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!
finish takeing off the ferring and find out that I now have a dime sized hole punched
in to the clutch cover.
well to make a long story short I am bikeless yet again and she will pay.
heres to hopeing tha you all are having beter bike luck than me.
Sistah Mel Out...."
That sucks hard! Sorry to hear you are the latest victim of the Morons in Tanks
Brigade. If it helps any, at least you weren't on it when it happened eh? Ok, I know
that doesen't really help much. I hope ya screw that yuppie tank drivin whore for
every dime she has(that aughtta make ya feel better)! Personally I've always wanted
to rig one of my bikes up with explosives and a mercury switch, bike go over, bike
go boom. Of course considering how often it happens to some of us it could get real
expensive eh? Hope yer back on the road soon Sis, I know how unhappy you are when
you're without your wheels.
• Bushit:
Me Mum sent me this in an email last night:
"The last time somebody listened to a Bush, folks wandered
in the
desert for 40 years"
This one below in from Ames:
and this one from RedDan:
• Firebrimstone:
Well it turns out that those lovely "tank killer" Firestone tires that are responsible for the deaths of 148 wankers in SUV's...
Can we have a haleluya???
HALELUAH!!!!!!
Anyhu, it turns out that the tires were manufactured with fantastic design flaws in the tires! Well now they are playing the blame game and saying it's ford's fault for making Firestone follow specific guidlines. You can read a bit more about it here:
http://9news.com/newsroom/10933.html
Ah well, I'm not really concerned who is responsible for all these fantastic SUV
tragedies, I just hope they keep on happening eh. Thanks to sistah Kellen for this
one.
• Sportmax:
Hey, if ya haven't seen it yet, you aughtta check out Little John's Vmax page:
He's got some photos of the killer Vmax creations he's had a hand in making, also there's some photos of that crazy trip to Sturgis in '96, including this one of him on his screaming yellow 'Max (Nuclear Chiquita) with Little Sarah on the back:
• Belted:
In other news, the eurocrats over the pond have decided to do a comprehensive
study on ways to prevent cars from running over motorcyclists. Unfortunately, rather
than smacking around the cage drivers and making sure they realize what a huge responsibility
it is romping around town in a 3,000lb deathtank, they are going to try to legislate
the bikers to death my making laws that force anyone on two wheels to wear reflective
yellow belts, helmets or possibly entire fluorescent suits. Great idea eh? NO! Maybe
they should start genetically enhancing trees to be fluorescent green so drivers
stop hitting those too! Oh, and how about those sneaky and hard to spot pedestrians,
make them carry big bright signs saying "please don't bash me down with your
lorry!". Yeah, we gotta start spraypainting the fuggin squirrels orange too!!!!
So as scary as all this sounds for our brothaz and sistaz in the EU and UK, remember
that any laws that pass there will influence the laws that pass here.
Sorry the news is so paltry lately, just been a slow week for news eh.
12/16-17/00
EarlyWeek Update
Got some good news and some bad today, but it' s all noteworthy stuff eh?
• Book em':
The latest offerings hot of the press from WhiteHorsePress:
| Two
Wheels on Two Reels: A History of Biker Movies by Mike Seate The first book ever to explore biker movies. Describes how these films formed our first impressions of bikers and influenced our culture. 111-pages |
 |
| Hear
Me Roar: Women, Motorcycles, and the Rapture of the Road by Ann Ferrar Chronicles the bold world of women in motorcycling--the myths, the history, and subcultures of free-spirited riders. 211-pages |
 |
| Fastest
Motorcycles on Earth by Tom Murphy Tracing man's ongoing attempts to build the fastest motorcycle on earth. In color. 111-pages |
 |
| Motorcycle
Journeys Through California by Clement Salvadori Describes the best year-round riding in the world. Full color. 320-pages |
 |
| John
Penton and the Off-Road Motorcycle Revolution by Ed Youngblood Describes the story of the man, the family, the company, and motorcycle that helped redefine off-road motorcycling. 192-pages |
 |
Sounds like some pretty good stuff eh?
• READ THIS:
so who knows what was unveiled at the International Motorcycle Show in Long Beach, CA by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) and the private Motorcycle Safety Foundation (MSF)?
Anyone? Anyone?
Ok, so it's monday and you haven't had yer coffee yet. You might want to get that cup and read this carefully as it will impact all of us.
At a news conference on December 8th was the public release of the National Agenda for Motorcycle Safety. The hefty 110-page document is a proposed outline for research and action to improve motorcycling safety. The mission statement of the Agenda is to "point the way to the most promising avenues for future motorcycling safety efforts in the United States." The document was designed to provide guidance to any and all seeking to improve motorcycling safety at the national, state and local levels.
"This is the first time in decades that the federal government's National
Highway Traffic Safety Administration -- in conjunction with the motorcycle industry-supported
MSF -- has set a course for motorcycling safety," said Sean Maher, the AMA legislative
affairs specialist and a member of the 10-person technical working group that assisted
in the plan's assembly.
"While we may not agree with everything in the plan, it's an excellent starting
point for motorcyclists, government officials, researchers and others to pursue ways
to improve safety for all motorcyclists," Maher said. "The blueprint calls
for highway designers, law enforcement personnel, the medical community, government
agencies and others to all get involved to save lives and reduce injuries among the
more than 6 million people who enjoy motorcycling in the U.S."
A couple of years ago, the NHTSA and MSF put together a technical working group of
people from safety organizations, motorcycling groups, law enforcement agencies (bastards),
the insurance industry (more bastards) and the motorcycling press to develop the
national agenda. Motorcyclists and others with expertise in insurance, research,
training, education, law enforcement and other fields met for a two-day conference
last year to fine-tune a draft of the document before the final version was released
just over a week ago.
The blueprint covers a little bit of everything including: rider education and licensing,
motorcycle design, motorist awareness and motorcyclists' attitudes towards responsibility
and safety. Among its more than 80 recommendations, the National Agenda for Motorcycle
Safety says there's an urgent need for government and the motorcycle industry to
support studies into the causes of motorcycle crashes. The Hurt Report, AKA "Motorcycle
Accident Cause Factors and Identification of Countermeasures" (recently we reprinted
a summary of this report here on the UTMC page, it can now be found in theArchives),
is almost 20 years old and the AMA and ohter motorcycle groups have been pushing
for an updated version.
Some of the "urgent" recommendations were to continue to discourage mixing
the use of alcohol or drugs and motorcycle riding, helmet education and encouragement,
and the education of motorists to be more aware of motorcyclists sharing the road.
Something tells me the latter of those reccomendations would do us the most benefit.
The "essential" Recommendations in document included: studying motorcyclists'
habits and attitudes toward safety, how motorcycle designs affect crashes and injuries,
the posotive and negative implications of lanesplitting, the further expansion of
motorcycle safety programs, researching what crash-avoidance skills are most effective,
the posting of warnings specifically for motorcyclists on roads where unavoidable
hazards exist, the removal of slippery sealants and repair substances applied to
road surfaces, educating motorcyclists about the value of protective gear, and requiring
motorists found guilty of violating a motorcyclists' right-of-way to complete a motorcyclist-awareness
class. I'm all for this stuff, it's nice to hear it out loud for once eh?
"Anyone involved in motorcycling or traffic safety should study this agenda
and figure out ways to carry out the recommendations, But riders need to take a close
look at the document for another reason -- so they can guide positive efforts to
carry out the recommendations at the federal, state or local level." Maher said.
You can take a look for yourself at the National Agenda for Motorcycle Safety at
the AMA website at
www.AMADirectlink.com and clicking on the "National Agenda for Motorcycle Safety" icon.
It can also be found on-line at: http://www.ahainc.com/nams,
and http://msf-usa.org/pages/msfnews.html
For a hard copy, you can find them at many of the local bike shops or write to: Safety
Countermeasures Division, NHTSA, NTS-15, 400 Seventh St. SW, Washington, D.C., 20590,
or fax (202) 366-7721; or e-mail to: jsyner@nhtsa.dot.gov.
• In the Rain:
My sweetheart sent me this bit of news from BBC Online:
"A British man has broken the world record for a motorcycle
jump - at the ninth attempt.
Jason Rennie, aged 30, jumped 253 feet across three artriculated lorries in pouring
rain for the record jump, which took place at Donington Park in Leicestershire.
Jason, from Mold in North Wales, sold his home in order to pay for the record breaking
attempts on his 250cc Yamaha motorcycle. He had a total of 12 attempts to try to
break the record, which has been held by an American for nine years."
http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsround/newsroom/100700jump.shtml
• Bros & Buds:
Found this blip of bad news over at Motorcycle.com
A study on bikers and drinking by Dr. Maria Vegega was recently presented to the
American Public Health Association. It isn't good news at all in which she found
that alcohol consumption is a major, continuing part of motorcycling's culture. The
good Dr. Vegega said that most riders didn't think anti-drinking-and-driving campaigns
applied to them. Not only that, the threat of bodily injury or even death didn't
seem motivate some riders to stop drinking and riding. Go figure that the possibility
of damage and/or loss of their motorcycle was the only thing to wake those riders
up to reality. Personally, I'd like to take a close look at what the test group of
that study was. If we're going from the "typical biker" culture or the
gearless "squids", us real motorcyclists will be getting fed the bitters
of the weekend warriors. Seems to happen that way a little to often eh?
• Morning Funnies:
I love Photoshop:
• Hot Pants:
Here's a killer review of a nice toasty pair of Sidewinder Polartec Fleece lined bluejeans
http://www.motorcycle.com/mo/mcbeware/sidewinder.html
If they build armor into these I'll be getting a few dozen pair eh?
12/16-17/00
Weekend Update
Gotta make this news update fast, I'm fuggin starvin and need some breakfast eh?
• SQUEETOR RETURNS:
Yes, our fearless brothah Squeetor just picked up a 1998 black and red Honda CBR900RR and it is smokkin! He and Scott swung by Pablo's late last night to show off the new prize, and a nice one it is. Here are some photos I snapped with the UTMC spyCAM:
They're
a bit fuzzy cause it was dark and all that. Mucho congrats Squeetor!
• NBR:
Yeah, National Biker Radio. Ok, maybe not but NPR (National Public Radio) had 2 count em (if you know how) 2 bikey related storied on this morning's weekend edition. The first was a news story on the recent release of Martin Dixon's new book "Brooklyn Kings"(powerhouse books, september 2000). This book is a 144 page documentary on the black motorcycle clubs of New York filled with photos and stories. As usual with NPR, it was a very well done story, always nice to see the press saying something good about motorcycles. Not to mention hearing someithing good from the mainstream news about motorcycle culture, that never fuggin happens eh?
You can get your copy of Brooklyn Kings at Amazon Books here:
The second NPR story was an interview with Waid "Scooter Daddy" Parker
about the re-introduction of Vespa scooters into the US. He talks about how Vespa
ran into conflicts with the emmisions regulations over here long ago which stunted
the importation of them. ALso he yaks about the different segments of the scooter
scene, good stuff. Yet another well done story by NPR about bikey culture. You can
check out Waid "Scooter Daddy" Parker's webpage here:
I'll be sure to add links to the stories as soon as they archive them on the NPR
page
• Hey Sarah:
I just got word from Big Al down at DUMP that he's got a line on a Y2K Kawasaki
Ninja 250 for $1,500! It needs a little cosmetic luv, but aughtta be a pretty good
machine. Lemmie know if you're interested or give Big Al a call at the DUMP.
• Dangling What??:
This is just stupid, it's a pendant of a butterfly ballot with a hanging chad:
Well that's it on the news for now, I'll add more tonight or tomorrow AM, have
a great weekend and try to get some riding in before we get spanked by another snowstorm
eh!
12/14-15/00
Midweek Update
Well, that's it. We got a bozo in office again, gotta admit we all saw it coming tho. Maybe at this point you've just decided to fuggitall and stop reading the world news alltogether, I cant blamya. Have no fear tho, you''ll always find at least some good news here.......
• Rice Choppers:
Watch this space folx, i got a feeling it's gonna be smokkin! It's already got a few pictures of Japanese choppers and looks like they have a bit of stuff still in the works. Let's fire him off some photos of our Japanese rice chops and get his email box overflowing with luuuuv!
http://www.kreative.net/sobmc/ricechoppers/
• Disgruntled:
Found this on Go2Mac.com, a Mac laptop site I read to get the scoop on the next thing to blow up on my Powerbook or Palm Pilot:
"This is what happens when you go bankrupt and don't tell your secretary: TSR Wireless has recently fallen on some tough times, dial 1-619-287-5558, and find out for yourself."
No need to make that long distance call tho, I made a WAV file of it for your enjoyment:
• Fuggin OW!:
Oh man! This is horrible:
Fuck! This just makes me hurt everytime I look at it. You can find this along with some photos of stoppies, burnouts, endos, crashes and a whole slew of rides people have posted up.
• Your vote counts:
YEAH RIGHT! What a load of horseshit! I think we know who's votes REALLY count:
The above image brought to you by http://www.gwbush.com/,
man I love that page! Y'know, me and my sweetheart were watching that show West Wing
last night (You see allot of fuggin telly after ya get run over eh?), Anyhu, it just
a sad fuggin day when the networks can make a more interesting, entertaining, honorable
and better president than the idiot bozo that's in the real White House. Good show,
Martin Sheen for fuggin president!
• Bits Fixed:
Thanks to sistah Kellen for letting me know that the links on the Features page
were all buggered, it's all been fixed.
more news soon....
12/12-13/00
Early week Update
Whoa, what am I on vacation or somethin???? Well, no actually, wish I was. Been having technical difficulties recently, I still haven't sent my laptop back to Apple for repairs, now it has: 1 loose power jack, 1 screwy battery, 1 bad DVD ROM and about a zillion bad sectors on the hard drive, fun eh? So now that I almost have my shit together and the laptop is being held together with duct tape and bungie cords we can get to the news....
• D'oh-main:
Finally got around to registering a domain name, by tonight you should be able
to find the page at http://www.blackletter.org. isn't that just fuckin fancy eh?
Be sure to update your bookmarks to the new address when ya can.
• Fack the old one:
The Pink Fuzzy Bunny, our friendly server god over at Itsamac.com
moved us over to the FUGGINFAST OSX box. Mucho kudos to him for that! Also, he transferred
all the hit counters and stuff to new ones that will work better. Namely that "Updated
last" date onthe frontpage will now be accurate as to when the page REALLY gets
updated! Also, there is a new and horrendously improved message board available now
that I'm sure you'll all like much more than the old one. Look for some new forums
to open up, Buggery 101 with Brothas Pavement and /6, Tech Stuffe' for all you wrencheads
and of course the favorite Rants and Rides. I'll be leaving the Green Highway (even
tho is hasn't really seemed to catch on very well) and the classified ads will stick
around for people to post to on a purely accidental basis;-) Hope everyone likes
the new changes and especially the faster server.
• Here trucky trucky:
I think I had a dream like this recently.....
Hmmmmmmmmm............ I'll have to get one! Even has Firestones;-)
This page has lots of cool custom bikes, and a few that just don't make much sense too:
Yes, a stretch chopper BMW R69. The whole page is well worth a look:
WARNING: there is some sort of javascript or some shit on this page that may randomly hose Netscape.http://www.firstmoto.ch
if that doesn't work try here: http://www.firstmoto.ch/F6/others/
• The Wheelie King:
Doug Domokas known by many as the "Wheelie King," died recenlty in a
ultralight airplane crash in Murietta, California. Witnesses said they saw one of
the ultralight's wings rip during a steep turn. Shortly thereafter, the aircraft
plunged to the ground. Doug "Wheelie King" Domokas was from Lake Elsinore,
California. He grew up racing motocross and eventually a name for himself as an entertainer
that had mastered the art of keeping on one wheel and forged many world records.
He had many fans and friends, he will be missed.
• Wank the Vote:
In other news we still have no idea who the head bozo of the US is
It looks like we'll lose either way eh?
more groovy news soon.....
11/30-31/00
Midweek Update
Sorry about the lack of updates folx, had some goofyness with qwest and then I got all flaky for a day or two. Well the mainstream news is reruns again, we still don't know who's president, there is still fighting in the middle East, etc, etc... So I'll try to break up the monontony a bit with some new stuff eh. Here's the news....
• AppL FuCT:
So my laptop is once again cooking itself and fucking up all over the place. The
power jack is all jacked and the whole thing just shuts down whenever it wants to.
Lame. So I'm gonna try to get it fixed early next week. I'll still update the news
and stuff form my work machine tho.
• Real special:
So what to do with that old Yamaha 650 Special ya got in the garage eh? Well these guys at 650 Central have just the plan:
Oh yeah, good stuff eh?
• Duh:
So here's a test some wanker (how'd he get sponsored by Honda?) is doing to see what kind of a bike people like. here's a blurb from the page:
"The purpose of this site is to provide a front end for a data analysis system that will establish a relationship between the eye-appeal of a motorcycle, its basic shape, and its safety rating. This is done with the manipulation of sample blueprint images of a Honda Shadow series motorcycle. By dragging certain parts of the motorcycle, the user can "redesign" basic shape features of the motorcycle to suit their personal vision of an attractive bike. The user's modifications are recorded for later assessment using intelligent system concepts. This computational mathematical model will then be used by Honda designers to measure the impact of design change on customer approval."
According to the guy running the project, people like bikes with taller bars, longer forks and a lower seat. Now the only stuff you can manipulate in the image is.....you guessed it: the forks get longer, the bars get taller and the seat gets lower! Wow! This shit is fuggin scientific???? Whatever man.
• The Hustle:
This is funny, it looks like the fine magazine Hustler has nominated george bushit the "Asshole of the month". Actually it's pretty funny, I wonder how georgie will feel about his favorite magazine disliking him??
BTW, DO NOT GO TO THIS LINK IF YOU ARE AT WORK. It's got waaaaay too many boobies
for that.
http://www.hustler.com/Asshole_Bush.html
• Fuckin Wah!:
If you
• Punk is Old:
Well for those of you that thought you were doin something new by dying yer hair green and riding around without helmet, you're just following in an age old tradition. This in from Red Dan's Pops:
"Do you ever find yourself wondering at the strange new ways in which some young people present themselves? The gold earrings, the purple hair, and worse? Wonder no more, because there's nothing new about it. Historian Carolly Erickson offers this description of Elizabethan courtiers:
"Scented gloves, 'sweet as damask roses,' dripping tassels and Venice gold, a large and beautiful handkerchief, held in the hand, jeweled rings, a heavy watch, a protective amulet, perhaps a locket enclosing a curl of hair from a favorite lover -- all these and more freighted down the well-dressed courtier and must have made him insufferably self-conscious.
"His earrings, coiffure and rouged cheeks must have contributed even more to this narcissism. A jewel or pearl at the earlobe enhanced a gentleman's carefully shaped curls, clipped coquettishly short or grown long into a ruff-length page boy. His mustache too was often kept long, and his beard -- washed, combed, plaited into braids or bound with bands -- was the object of infinite attention. Only yokels let their beards grow in their natural contours; men of fashion chose the shape that made the most of their painted faces. Lean, pinched faces could be made commanding and broad, fat faces narrow, with the help of a clever barber...
"But beards were not only styled -- they were also dyed,
in a myriad of colors to match a man's coloring and clothes. From Nordic blond to
fiery Irish red to amber or auburn, any hue was possible, along with the startling,
but undeniably trend-setting, shades of purple and orange and speckled yellow."
• HAHAHA!:
Ok, so this doesn't have dick to do with motorcycles, but it's pretty funny and could even be good ammo to fend off street preachers:
"Dear Dr. Laura,
Thank you so much for doing so much to educate people regarding
God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show and I try
to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When
someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example,
I simply remind him that Leviticus 18: 22 clearly states it to
be an abomination. End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of
the specific laws and how to best follow them.
A) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it
creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Leviticus 1: 9). The problem
is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them.
Should I smite them?
B) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned
in Exodus 21: 7. In this day & age, what would be a fair market
price for her?
C) I know I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is
in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15: 19-24). The
problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women
take offense.
D) Leviticus 25: 44 states that I may own slaves, both male &
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations.
A friend of mine claims this applies to Mexicans but not Canadians.
Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
E) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath.
Exodus 35: 2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I
morally obligated to kill him myself?
F) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is
an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree, can you settle this?
G) Leviticus 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar
of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I
wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20 or is
there some wiggle room here?
H) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including
the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly
forbidden by Leviticus 19:27. How should they die?
I) I know from Leviticus 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a
dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I
wear gloves?
J) My uncle has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19:19 by planting
two crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments
made of two different kinds of thread (cotton & polyester blend).
He tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary
that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together
to stone them? (Lev. 24: 10-16). Couldn't we just burn them to
death at a private family affair like we do with people who
sleep with their inlaws (Lev. 20: 14)?
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am
confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that
God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Your devoted disciple and adoring fan, A."
Sorry about the short news but my laptop is all fucked up. More stuff on the weekend update.
11/23-24/00
Gangstheiving Day Update
Well if yer lucky you've got a big fatty four day weekend, if not you aughtta call in tommorow and claim a harsh turkey hangover. I think I'm gonna take advantage of all this slackertime and do some riding! Now the news......
• Fuckin Wah!:
If you thought we had the most rediculous of lawsuits here in the US, think again. I think our bretheren in the UK have just one-upped us on the whole McDonalds-hot coffee-old lady-burned pussy thing. Apparently a complete moron-of-a-worthless-excuse-for-the-sperm-that-was-first-in-line by the name of Andrew Beattie (he's a trucker...go figure, FTFS) is suing the family of a dead biker. He's claiming to have post traumatic stress disorder from seeing the body of the poor biker that he hit get all mangled up and die right before his eyes. Yeah, poor trucky boy! Having to see the horror! Dickhead! Let's hope this guy loses hard and gets slapped around repeatedly by the press! You can read more about it over a MCN:
http://www.motorcyclenews.com/bikes/bikes.asp?page=Latest+Bike+News&id=881
FTFS!
• Aerostitch strikes again:
The makers of THE BEST FUGGIN motorcycle catalog, Aerostitch, has sent out a groovy little mini catalog fulla new bits and peices for you and yer bike! One of the best is a cool spinning/flashing tailight bulb from Cyberbulb Tech Japan. It consists of a regular type bulb with eleven superbright mini bulbs that continously/sequentially spin during normal conditions and flash all on and off together at double intensity when you hit the brakes. The bulb will work on almost any bike and installs just like a regualar tailight bulb. It's not legal here in Yankville but hey, who really gives a screw about that if it gets the moron in the Lincoln Termanator SUV behind you to notice and not run you down. It makes yer bike look like a pinball machine and comes in white, red or rainbow (for you raver types eh?)
Also, be sure to check out the killer articles full of good info and bikey tips on the Aerostitch page, like this one:
Y'ALL INNA HEAPA TROUBLE, BOY
State Highway patrol statute violation numbers useful for personalized plates that
may still be available in your state. (Every cop, knows these by heart Registering
your bike's license plate as a violation number may amuse the police officer or state
trooper enough to help you receive a reduced ticket.)
| California Violation of Speed Law 22351 Speeding 22350 Excessive Speed (over 100 mph) 22348B Maximum Speed (65 mph) 33249A Florida Unlawful Speeding 316.183 Aggravated Fleeing and Eluding 316.1935 Racing on Highway 316.191 Georgia Speed 40-6-181 Too Fast for Conditions 40-6-226 New York Exceeding Maximimum Speed Limit 1180(d) Exceeding Reasonable and Prudent Speed 1180(a) Engage in/aid/abet Speed Contests and Races1182(I) |
Minnesota Speed 169.194 Speeding on Highway 169.141 Missouri Exceeded Uniform Maximum Speed Limit 304.010 Operate Vehicle in a Careless and Imprudent Manner 304.012 New Jersey Racing on Highway 39-4-52 Speeding 39:4-98 Washington Speeding Over Posted Limits 46.61.400 Speed Too Fast for Conditions 46.61.400.1 Attempting to Elude Police Vehicle 46.61.024 |
Here are some other great articles they have, good reading man:
http://www.aerostich.com/isroot/riderwearhouse/DirectPages/zenglove.html
-the Zen of glove maintinence
http://www.aerostich.com/isroot/riderwearhouse/DirectPages/whyvest.html - why you need an electric vest
http://www.aerostich.com/isroot/riderwearhouse/DirectPages/straightstory.html - the straight story on kevlar
http://www.aerostich.com/isroot/riderwearhouse/DirectPages/hang.html
- list of killer cafe's and bikey hangouts
• Tis not a Scooter:
Hey, how often do the put out a killer new bike with the same name as yer son eh? Well , Brothah Crazy Rob can rejoice as Italjet has just released smokey new ride that goes by the moniker : The Grifon:
Italjet has just released a photo of the new Grifon, a 900cc production streetfighter built around the Triumph 300 series Triple motor. Seeing as the Triple motor is capable of punching out 98 ponies this aughtta be a real mean ride.
• The little laptop that could:
Here's a crazy story about a guy who liked to bungie his laptop bag to the back of his CBR F3. Well, that is until it had a unfavorable cuddling experience with the rear tire:
http://www.go2mac.com/displaynews.cfm?newsid=7591
• Lawnmower Man:
And we thought we liked our bikes! Here's a short but fun article written by Teller. Teller is the smaller, quieter half of the noir magic and comedy team Penn and Teller. It's pretty funny:
http://www.sincity.com/teller/articles/lawn.html
• Women On Wheels:
If you happen to be a woman who rides a bike or likes to ride on the back of one, this is page you'll enjoy:
Women On Wheels® was founded in California by an avid woman motorcyclist in 1982. Its purpose was, and still is, to unite all women motorcycle enthusiasts, whether they ride their own machine, are motorcycle passengers or enthusiasts, or future motorcyclists. WOW members are located throughout the United States, Canada, and several other countries. WOW has over 2500 members and is growing strong!
Of course you'll probably enjoy it if you're a guy that rides too, it's good stuff.
11/21-22/00
Midweek Update
Fuck man! I'm late for work again! I better make this one fast....
• #15:
I popped open the mailbox last night to find a fatty envelope stuffed with issue #15 of Motorcycho and all the usual cool goodies! Wooohooo!!! For those of you who have never read Motorcycho, yer missing one of the best motorcycle rags ever! Seriously, it ranks up there with Awol and Streetfighters and BSH. Notice there weren't any US motorcycle mags in that list???? Well that's cause all the US motorcycle mags suck ass! Cycle World, MotorCyclist and all the rest of the "mainstream" motorcycle rags here in Yankville all take blood money from the fuggin truck companies!
Not Norman the MotorDaddy tho, he doesn't have one truck in Motorcycho, cause he knows that Fuckin Trucks Fuckin Suck! Motorcycho is where it's at tho! This biker mag is home grown in the land of the flippyheads and beady eyes, Canada! Yep, those Canuks may not have any Canadian restaurants here in the states but they do make some of the best barbers and bikers!
So anyhu! If you wanna get yer grubby mits on a copy of Motorcycho all for your self, You can check out Norman Motordaddy's webpage here:
http://www.ratbike.org/motorcycho/
Or you can send like 2 bucks (pounds, francs, yen, whatever....no rocks!) and a self addressed stamped envelope to:
Motorcycho
P.O. Box 1564
Point Roberts, WA
98281-1564
You'll be fuggin glad ya did!
• 2FTRFS:
Hey, we got a new writer that is gonna contribute some great stuff to the page, lets have a big welcome for 2Truck Ted!
Ted used to ride a killer black BMW K1100RS until July of 1999 when he got smacked down by two...yes two big trucks. Not this pansy chevy silverado fluff I whine about, real 18 wheeler sorta pain!. He's still recuperating and is currently on the hunt for a restorable R60/2 or R27. He's also a member of and deeply connected in several BMW Motorcycle organizations, including the local BMW organization - the BMWBMW, two National organizations - the BMWMOA & The BMW RA, the Internet BMW Riders - the IBMWR, and the Internet Rec.Moto group - the DoD. He is also a past board member, webmaster, and newsletter editor of BMWBMW. Now he can also add member and contributing writer for the UTMC.
Wow! I'm outta breath after repeating all of that! Welcome aboard Ted, we'll see what we can do about finding you a vintage R bike (Dr. Jason's gotta know somebody eh?) Also, you'll be the first on the list when I get the F.T.F.S. shirts printed up.....you deserve 2!
You can check out 2Truck Ted's webpage out here:
http://www.verrill.com/moto/moto.htm
• Watch Out Kaneda:
This just in from my Brougham:
"-from the Washington Post
TOKYO - Faced with rising crime, Japanese police are turning to technology, both
high and low. Police in the southern prefecture of Fukuoka recently revealed their
latest gizmo: an automatic motorcycle catcher. Motorcycle gangs called bosozoku are
the bane of Japanese police. These irreverent youths race recklessly through the
streets with an unmuffled roar that disturbs the country's vaunted peace and quiet.
Arriving like Wile E. Coyote's latest package from ACME, the Motorcycle Arresting
Device, or MAD, is supposed to let police win this running cat-and-mouse game. Fukuoka
has purchased 30 of the devices at $630 apiece.
The strategy is to get the motorcyclists to drive down one of several routes police
have planted a series of MAD metallic boxes, which lie flat and look like metal plates
on the pavement. As a motorcycle races over a plate, the lid flips up after the front
wheel has passed. That exposes an adhesive, which sticks to the motorcycle's rear
tire. The adhesive is attached to a wire that is hooked to a rope that is drawn onto
the axle. That snarls the wheel and halts the foreword progress of the bike - theoretically
in a gradual manner so the rider is not thrown off.
"...in September, we caught one suspect and nine motorcycles," said Norio
Kita, head of the biker gang task force of the Fukuoka police. The other riders,
he said, "ran away like spiders."
...And then there was the time the motorcyclists spotted the MAD plates and swerved at the last minute. The pursuing police car was not so agile: Its front wheels were snarled when the car screeched over the MAD plates.
-the entire story can be found in the Sunday Denver Post, page
39A (19 November 2000). Don't look for it on line though.
-Lazloe"
That's some scary fuggin shit man, I hope they don't bring those things here eh?
• 25,000 miles on a 1200c:
Now I really fuggin jealous! This guy rode all over the US on his BMW R1200C, 25,060 miles! He's got a great log of his trip along with some killer photos!
If you got some time to kill this is a great site to check out:
http://members.nbci.com/moggy123/TripReps/usa99/usa99.html
I can't wait to start putting miles like that on my Stiletto!
• Here to pump, YOU UP:
Ever wish you had a portable air compressor that could fit in your saddlebags??? Well look no further cause I just found one for ya! No more worries about flat tires with one of these around, not to mention it gives you a reason to fill fulla leadshot that worthless air pump that came stock with your 70's Beemer eh?
http://www.mcnews.com/depts/iotm499.html
• Texas Survivor:
This in from my sweetheart:
Network television is developing a "Texas Version" of "Survivor"
Contestants must travel from Amarillo through Fort Worth, Dallas, Houston, San Antonio,
and back to Amarillo, through San Marcos and
Lubbock driving a Honda Spree scooter with a bumper sticker that reads: "I'm
for Gore, I'm Gay and I'm Here to Take Your Guns."
The first to complete the round trip is the winner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
11/18-20/00
Weekend Update
Stop reading this page and go ride you fool!
• Slush Hour:
Well when I left work on friday night the roads were just barely getting wet, seemed like a good time to try to get home. Well, no actually, but I was pretty worried that the snow would get worse. As I got to Broadway, only a half dozen blocks from work, the snow was a few inches deep and the roads were turning really icy and rush hour traffic was bad. This wasn't actually something i was prepared for mentally as my nerves have been pretty shot since the big truck incident, I haven't so much as scraped the pegs once bashing through a corner...even on really nice days. Fortunately I had a few factors in my favor: a 650lb bike, anti-lock brakes, heated grips and 8 years of riding in weather much worse than this. Luckily I made it home ok with only a couple of scares, even kept the bike upright th whole time:-)
I think I'll pass on any more snow riding till next winter tho eh?
• Some photos from Mel:
Here's a note and some photos from our dear sistah Mel up in rainyville:
"Hey Dan,
Finally got around to taking some pix o me and some o the guyz that I hang out with.
Wuz hoping that you could get some o them into the gallery section of the utmc page.
Here'z a link to the current biohazard page:
http://www.bustmychops.com/moto/motorcycle.html
it's cool, pix o us out on the Spokane Raceway Park.
luv ya lots hope ya like the pix
Mel out..."
Sistah Mel
Robert
Gary
Mik
Thaks Mel, I'll add these photos up on the Gallery Members section asap! Good
to see yer getting lot's of riding in!
• Revenge:
Oops, I didn't see you;-)
• Wank Wank Wank:
Fuck Arlen Ness, this is my kind of super-expensive yuppie cruiser:
Of course it needs to be rattlecaned flat black........and it could use less
http://www.gg-technik.ch/e_cruso.htm
• Truth in Advertising:
So this guy is selling an old NSU motorbike engine on Ebay, but something tells me he's missing the concept entirely. The ad has a healdine followed by two photos:
"as you see it . it turns over ok "
Hmmmmm......
http://cgi.ebay.com/aw-cgi/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=498299313
• Where's the Camera:
This guy has some stories and pictures of some of his rides, pretty good stuff. I really liked this description of one of his crashes tho:
"OOOPS, there goes the back wheel, counter steer (natural
reaction), expect to drop to low side, WOW, sudden traction (where the hell did that
come from?), high-sided, couldn't imagine what I was doing up in the air, OH Sh*t,
I gotta land. Left knee, right elbow and shoulder, rolling, helmet, back, Wow, I
got my feet under me and came up standing, petty cool huh, actually very COLD.....Wow,
the bikes is still running, in gear and tire going around. I shut it down then realized
something. NOTHING hurt, stitch and pads, man I love this stuff. Crash was about
7:00 or 7:30 AM.
So now I'm standing in the middle of the Blue Ridge, Bike down in the snow, so what
do I do, yup, open the tank bag and get my camera......."
http://www.malehorn.com/motorcycles.htm
11/15-17/00
Midweek Update
Whoa! Lotsa stuff today, you may wanna get comfy!
• FZllld:
Through snowstorms, rain, hail, mud and even a tornado, this bike was a faithful steed. It even survived several brutal crashes and still it was a strong beast. But as all great beasts do, this one appears to be on it's way to the great salvage yard in the heavens. May we have a moment of silence as we mourn the loss of Squeetor's FZR.....
Thank you.
• Nuke and Pave:
I have five XL NUKE AND PAVE t-shirts still available.
For you? Such a deal I have! $15 each.
Oh, and Pave, can't get ya royalties but if you promise to keep the streets free
of snow this winter and set aside some to meet up with me and 2xD to yak about the
movie I'll give ya one for free!
• Where the fuck are the Clowns:
Check this shit out, one of the original animation cells of the king clown from the movie Akira:
It's up for grabs on Ebay starting at a paltry $200 smackers! If you're rich this could be a real cool piece of history eh?
http://cgi.ebay.com/aw-cgi/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=496880351
hmmmm....he looks kinda like my cousin don't ya think??
• Mail boxing:
Yeah, people send me the strangest shit sometimes! Of course there is good stuff and bad stuff, today we'll take a look at bad stuff, sometimes known as "negative feedback" :
Subject: confederate flags and such
From: Rockadoo
"I find it interesting that people that value their freedom and their lifestyle are so quick to condemn those they don't agree with. We are privileged enough to live in a country that has a first amendment, freedom of speech. The people who wave the Battle Flag of the Confederacy, wear KKK and nazi insignia, etc etc. are protected by this first amendment. They have a right to express their views, whether it be hate, pride, stupidity or just to bug people. You on the other hand have the total right to ignore them. You need not listen to nor pay attention to what they are saying. If people ignored them they would eventually give up. If people don't buy their products they'll have no choice but to stop trying to selling them. It's the markets way of controlling things. Supply and demand.
Personally I have no problem with the southern cross (Battle Flag). It represented a part of this country that chose cessation from the Union because of lack of representation in the government of the country as a whole. They where mostly an agricultural society with a much smaller population than the northern industrial states. The majority of southerners did not own slaves. They had lost what they believed to be their God given rights under the Constitution.
Now I'm pretty sure the majority of the people wearing and displaying
these items probably have no clue to the history of our country other than the fact
that their way of life was forever changed by the war between the states. I'm sure
there is allot of prejudice held by a majority of these people but to deny them their
right to speak their minds would be opening up a can of worms that bikers especially
don't need. We all want the right to speak. There are organizations that work for
the biker lifestyle ie ABATE, MMA, NHMRO, etc etc. If we take away the freedom of
speech of anyone in this country. You may be next. You don't have to agree with them.
wouldn't you rather this stay a FREE COUNTRY than to worry about a small handful
of people who don't represent the thoughts of the majority. By the way I didn't notice
any comment about telling members of 1%er clubs that 99% of the people riding think
they give bikers a bad name and that you don't agree with the crap they have on their
backs and should have to take it off. hmmmmmmm.
Thanks for the soapbox."
---Rockadoo
Dammit! How dare you disagree with me in such a intellectual fashion! Seriously tho, thanks for a well written counterpoint to my article "The Y2K Redneck Cycle". Although I have received a great deal of good feedback from readers about that article I always appreciate someone bringing well thought out statements and opinions that are worthy of discussion.
In the case of free speech, I agree that everyone has the right to believe how they desire and even make visual statements of those beliefs, that is what the US is all about. However it is also necessary to understand that freedom of speech also means that everyone is may be subject subject to scrutiny in a public forum. This is especially prevalent if their beliefs are to the detriment of the society around them. Those that follow a path of hatred, ignorance, racism and segregation are predators upon our society and our freedoms. As we would fight for their right to believe and voice those beliefs freely, they would not do the same for us. They are a disturbing form of fanatic that cower angrily behind the very same freedoms they wish to take away from us.
The old adage "ignore it and it will go away" unfortunately does not work in this case. People of racist beliefs do not necessarily feed on the reactions of those who oppose them and by that token can still thrive in a closed environment. They gain their power from reassurance of their bigotry by their selected peers and by direct focus of their hate upon scapegoats. To them, these scapegoats are the cause of all negativity and failed opportunity whether they are black, white, asian, jewish, rich, poor, crippled, mormon, etc., etc. Only enlightenment by way of a strong education and a positive diverse environment will change those negative beliefs of bigotry and hate. The more the world around them disapproves of bigotry and tries to show those who have racist views the faults of those beliefs, the greater the chance of them changing their ways.
You make a very good point in your statement about the 1%ers. The UTMC is one of the few underground organizations that refuses to mold itself in the tradition of the criminal factions of the motorcycling community. It puts emphasis on knowledge, understanding, freedom and diversity throughout the many facets of motorcycling culture. The UTMC Mission Statement speaks this message loud and clear, bringing forth the organization of a motorcycling culture of the new breed.
Of course this is all my personal opinion based upon historical study and personal experience, so I do not peddle it as fact. Thanks again for your well thought out and well written letter, it was a pleasure to read and respond to. If you are interested, we are always looking for writers and would welcome an article or two from you. Thanks again, we'll keep a soapbox around for ya.----Beemer Dan
Subject: (left blank? Really?)
From: Bob and Carrol
"You must be retarted if you would preffer to see al gore
in the white house rather than George W. What kind of motorcycle enthusiast is in
favor of an anti off road, anti internal combustion, anit gun , anti petrolium, anti
tax break fuck like al gore. you must consider changing the name of your page to
"flaming liberal zone with a side dish of bike stuff.....just until al whore
bans em"
What?? What kind of a whiny dolt sends something like this and then wont even sign his (or her) name to it?? I guess we must assume that Bob and Carrol is actually one hermaphroditic entity, as nobody in their right mind would attempt to mate with a subject who's IQ was this low. Or maybe Bob and Carrol are two personalities of the same moron and in another day or two the other personality will send an apology letter Actually, it may yet be possible that Bobcarol is actually a two headed, hermaphroditic, republican with a multiple personality disorder and actually doesn't ride a motorcycle at all, but really just likes the way it's bulbous fatty buttocks looks in leather pants. Hmmm....that sounds about right!
So, Bobcarrol, you figure I must be retarded if I would rather see Gore in the White House than Bush. That would appear to be your opinion and as we all know, your opinions are only as valid as your logical reasons for said opinions. In this case that makes your opinion about as worthy as an unrecognizable sticky thing I annoyingly scraped from my boot last week. I also find it interesting that you refer to Bush as "George W. ", was there trouble in remembering his name? Just remember, Bush starts with B, like boil, he has one of those on the side of his face you know. I got it, maybe it was because you couldn't remember how to spell "bush", that label on the beer can has you all confused again doesn't it Bobcarrol? The spelling thing seems to be a problem for you. Don't worry though, the words "preffer" "anit" and "petrolium" are common mistakes for anyone at a fourth grade reading level. So I guess we could just pass them off as spelling errors, but your misspelling of the word retarded really makes you shine! BTW BobCarrol, does your mommy know you're writing people emails with naughty words in them??
You see folks, this letter from Bobcarrol is an example of the kind of morons that can get on the net now that computers are available at WalMart eh? Apparently Bobcarrol had a bad group therapy session and chose a unfortunate way to vent some frustrations. Well, just to show what a nice guy I am, I'll do my best to help Bobcarrol out and submit his email to the members of the UTMC page so we can all give him some pointers on how to be a good productive member of the internet...
......Naw, I can't do that, even I'm not that much of an asshole;-)
Remember folx, I'm just the webmaster here, my voice and opinions don't reflect those of the entire UTMC (unlike the Motorcycle Riders Foundation which claims to have spooky mind control capabilities over it's members). If you dislike my viewpoints or opinions, feel free to let me know in a reasonable and intelligent fashion and not like our two headed, hermaphroditic, republican with a multiple personality disorder friend, Bobcarrol. Thanks.----Beemer Dan
Subject: Hate Male
From: Rob
"DUDE!!! I hate males too!!!! I only date women. thanks. and I love your page."
Right on man, always good to have positive feedback from the masses! ----Beemer Dan
Ok, so that one wasn't really negative, but I thought it was funny!
• We knew that!:
Here are some really cool t-shirts and stickers you can get from Aerostitch, the best catalog on earth for bike stuffe':
http://www.aerostich.com/riderwearhouse.store
RevD knows the group that makes the "Cars-R-Coffins", it turns out they're bicycle messengers, the only bastards on two wheels that are crazier than us!
You can also get the Nuke and Pave shirts at Aerostitch, whadda place eh?
• Dark Angel:
Just saw this show for the first time last night, pretty cool. It's from James Cameron, the guy who brought us The Terminator and many other great works of sci-fi comes a tv series about Max, a young woman who is a bike messenger by day and a badass motorcycle riding superhero by night. Yeah, sounds a little on the cheesy side but it's actually pretty good. She has all the killer superhuman, genetically engineered whoopass and to boot she can ride her Kawasaki Ninja 650 like she was the lovechild of Evel Kenevel and Jean Vincent. She even makes our pal Spider look like a wimp.....well it is television after all. My big question is why Brothah Ames didn't tell anyone about it, I'm sure he had read about it somewhere....maybe it's on opposite Babylon 5 on the burnout channel;-) Anyhu, you can catch it on Fox on Tuesday nights.
Here's a link to the "official" page:
Right on Fox, lets try not to fuck this one up like ya did with Space Above and
Beyond eh.
• Time for change:
This came in over the wire this morning from Stefan of the RatBike Zone:
To the citizens of the United States of America,
In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves,
we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states,
commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which one does not fancy. Your
new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until
now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister
for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will
be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any
of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced
with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.Then
look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed
at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your
vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty
seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you
know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".
2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on
your behalf.
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really
isn't that hard.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen",
but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and
give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind
of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may
have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer
be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would
be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave
enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football",
but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar
body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens
side by 2005.
7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give
you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside
your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad
guys. "Merde" is French for "shit".
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday,
but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".
9. All American motorcycles are hereby banned. They are crap, including those cookie
cutter toys produced in your American town of "Marysville", which it might
surprise you is the Japanese code name for a second front on your economy. Our MI-5
learned this years ago. If your CIA wasn't so busy rigging elections in countries
nobody cares about, it might have learned this for themselves. This is for your own
good. When we show you our superior Triumph motorcycles, you will understand what
we mean.
10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
Thank you for your cooperation.
11/11-13/00
Weekend Update
Weekend update???....on sunday afternoon???? Ok, well I'm slackin a bit as usual. I was kinda hoping news on the election before the next news installment, not I can slack that much tho! In other news, Colorado is supposed to be cold and shitty for the next few days or so maybe it's getting to be the to drag the space heater out to the garage and start workin on that rusting YSR/Triumph/Binelli/Rickman/John Deere project eh? Here's the news....
• Thanks RevD!:
Mucho thanks for the 1/18 Katana! That was on one of the more elusive bikes that
I had been unable to find! Now I only have about 7 more to go and then I will have
them all! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
• Pocket Rockets:
Man I want one of these!
You can pick em up for between $1200 and um...way more than you wanna spend! Maybe I'll get one next year after the YSR is done eh?
• Mod Movie Run:
Found this listed as an auction on Ebay, it's a scooter run in California that sounds pretty cool:
"This is an announcement for a Dine 'n Ride and finally a screening of "Quadrophenia" and "Absolute Beginners" a double bill on nov 18th. This info may be updated, so check back. Don't bid, just show up and grub. Don't bid, just ride. (Winning bidder will receive positive feedback as follows: What a sucker this guy is, he'll buy anything!! Cannot follow directions!! Highly recommended! Showed up with no gas!!) Serious riders only."
• 4:00pm - 5:30pm Dinner - Eat Well - 1013 South Brand Blvd. Glendale
• 5:30pm - 6:30 Scoot - to UCLA
• 6:30pm - 7:30pm saftey coushion Time
• 7:30pm - Movies - Double bill of "Quadrophenia" and "Absolute Beginners" - James Bridges Theatre - UCLA - FREE parking for more than 60 scooters - Admission = $6 (for the double bill), $4 for students, seniors and Alumni
Sounds pretty cool eh?
• Cyber Wal-Mart:
Once againthe onion hits it spot on with the truth:
• Killer Streetfighter and Ratbike page:
I found this page when I was killing a bit of time, it's got lotsa picts of smokkin streetfighters and whacked Rat Rides.
http://www.xs4all.nl/~airhead/
Definately worth a look!
• Colorado Drivers Test:
It took some serious covert digging and hard core black ops shit, but we finally got it:
Explains allot eh?
• The Real Burnout:
An actual jetbike, serious! This guy has been sniffing waaaaaay to many fumes, but ya gotta admit that he at least put his loopyness to good work eh?
• Vote With Your Pickle:
This disturbing bit of news sent to me by my sweetheart:
http://www.cnn.com/2000/ALLPOLITICS/stories/11/11/pickle.pollster.ap/
11/6-7/00
What the fuck kind of a decision is that Shit 2000 Update
What the fuck? I woke up to NPR this morning and heard the the strangest fuggin shit! Apparently the state of Missouri is SO democrat they elected a dead democrat over a live republican! Now that's really some proof of how much faith the people seem to have in the republicans eh? Of course the fact that Bushit is taking the lead over Gorrible....what a fuggin mess, I don't like Gorrible much, but Bushit is the biggest flaming moron to try for the white house since Dan Quayle! Oh, and Buchannan of the Nazi party got less that the margin of error! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA! Then there's Nader of the Greens, they did ok for a third party but woulda done allot better if they would have had Jello Biafra as the front runner rather than Nader! Think of it, we've already had a few live Kennedy's in office, how about one of the Dead Kennedy's eh???? Well, like they always say, if ya didn't vote ya can't bitch...I guess that means I mustah voted a few times eh? Anyhu, here's the news....
• Moron Wins Presidential Race:
Yeah, the final results aren't in yet, but what are the chances I'm wrong eh?
• Beemer Me Up Sawyer...er No:
This in from Melissa:
"Hey Hey Dan (and the UTMC readers) Mel here with news
of the NW,
So whilst the Triumph has been in the shop my wonderful friend Sawyer has lent to
me his 1971 BMW to tool around town ... not to say that i am not very grateful that
he has so kindly lent to me the Beemer but it has made me realize that I NEVER want
to own and old Beemer they just don't behave right !!! What with all of the pulling
to the right and jugs that keep on trying to take out my shins I am really happy
that I will get the triumph back tomorrow.
Be proud of me Dan !! I survived a whole week of riding this ancient Beemer and didn't
drop it once !!! ( Considering that I was barely able to touch the ground on the
damn thing I think that is a purdy good accomplishment.)
Not much else to say, luv you guys !! drop a line eh!?!
Mel, very soggy, cold and out..."
Yeah well, the Beemers are really better left to loopy crackheads like CrazyRob,
Ames Dr. J, /6, Risa and me. Hope the rain lets up soon!
• THE Book for custom bike design:
Anyone here who really knows their shit when it comes to custom bike design ought to recognize the name Tony Foale. If ya don't recognize the name I'm sure you've seen or read about his work. He was the author of the very popular:
It's almost impossible to find, but there is good news! Now the new edition is
going to the presses and better yet, he's also selling (almost) the whole thing on
CDROM! Read the below email for more info on how to get the CDROM and/or the book:
Some time back I floated the idea that as some people were in a hurry to get a copy
of the revised book, I could prepare a CDROM with the work to date on
it. This wasn't followed up for two reasons;
1. There weren't enough people interested at the time for it to be viable.
2. There were some major sections of the book which had not been written and which
I felt were important to include.
However, both of those factors have changed, recently I've had a lot of people requesting
the CDROM and now the major parts of the book have been written. Even though the
work on the book is coming on quite well at the moment, it looks like it will take
the publishers a while to get it to market after it's completed.
So for anybody that's anxious to get it quickly, and I know that there are students
and people waiting to start projects etc., I've prepared a CD with ALL of the original
book on it (for completeness) plus the work to date on the new one. This is not meant
to be a replacement for the finished book and I'm not trying to push anyone to get
it, I'm just offering it as a service to help those in a rush.
---------------------------------
Content details.
The original book had 30,000 words and 150 diagrams and photos, and this will be
on the CDROM.
The work to date on the new book to be included has 110,000 words and 370 illustrations,
most of the additional are diagrams and graphs.
The main unfinished work is on some appendices, which are not of major importance,
for example;
Glossary of terms
Tutorial on gyroscopic physics
Conversion of units
Tutorial on basic physics
List of suggested reading.
Future trends
The major new or expanded material that will be included comprises;
Tyres
Motorcycle geometry (very detailed)
Balance and steering ( this has a very detailed account of the lean-in process)
Aerodynamics
Suspension (Three chapters that alone are about the size of the whole of the previous
edition)
Anti-squat and dive. (15,000 words, 1/2 the size of the whole of the previous edition)
All of the topics from the first book are also covered but the above are either new
material or have been considerably enhanced.
-------------------------
Purchase details;
This is not meant as a substitute for the final book and nor is it intended as a
cheap way to circumvent purchase of the final product. It is expected that anyone
taking up this offer will later want the book, and so the pricing has been done to
satisfy these factors and to be fair to both the customer and me.
The price has been divided into two parts,
1. A value to cover production and postage costs. 2,000 Ptas. Spanish or approx.
US $10 (Not refundable)
2. A value towards the finished book, this will be credited in full against a future
book purchase.
It is expected that that the finished book will sell for about US$50.00 (10,000 Ptas.
Spanish) + postage, and I think 60% of this or 6,000 Ptas about US $30 is reasonable.
Therefore the total price of the CDROM is 8,000 Ptas or about US $40 including postage.
6,000 Ptas or about US $30 will be credited in full against the purchase of the final
book when finished. So the extra cost to anyone buying the CDROM now and the book
later will only be the postage and production costs of the CD, or 2,000 Ptas or US
$10.
You can order the CDROM by sending your full postal address, credit cardnumber and
expiry date, Visa and MasterCard compatible only. I can't accept American Express.
For security reasons you can split your credit card number between two emails to
two different addresses, if you wish, cd@tonyfoale.com and tfoale@email.com or if you are unhappy
sending such details over the internet then you can fax the order to +34 96 6404389
-------------------------------------
Legal disclaimer.
Purchase of the CDROM does not oblige me nor my heirs to finish the book and offer
it for sale. Naturally I have every intention of finishing it but this is just to
cover the situation of my untimely death or illness or other unforseen circumstance.
Regards,
Tony Foale.
España / Spain
http://www.tonyfoale.com (main site)
http://www.geocities.com/tonyfoale/index.html (USA mirror site)
• On The Tube:
Here's a email in from RevD that'll keep you from getting all agro that the weather is gonna go to shit this weekend:
"there's gonna be a junkyard wars marathon on TLC Nov. 24th, noon to 3Am! that's 13hrs, so there's no way my Tivo can catch them all, so I'm thinking of -----[transmission interrupted]-----the TV. What could be better? How about a Battlebots marathon the next day on Comedy central? man, when it rains it pours. My Tivo is going to have smoke pouring out of it after those two days...
hey, whats with all this white stuff on the ground? Its cold
and it makes my motorcycle all slippy- we didn't have this in California!
-rev-d-"
I'm up for it man, BTW, I have a HUGE fuggin stack of motorcycle movies we can
watch if the snow doesn't let up!
• From big V2 to Big Ch11:
It looks like it's a bad year for allot of home grown "we can build an American cruiser that looks just like a harley but call it something different" companies. There's a full article about how bad it really is over at motorcycle.com:
http://news.motorcycle.com/article.motml?sid=329&mode=threaded&order=0
Also, there is a nice news blip on Japan's new big bore care racers:
http://news.motorcycle.com/article.motml?sid=326&mode=threaded&order=0
More news as it crappens.........
11/6-7/00
Earlyweek Update
Woohoo! Fuggin Quest got their shit together and got the line back on! Anyhu, it looks like the local weather is gonna be clearing back up after today, and today isn't lookin bad so far either but it's supposed to turn to more shit later. But enough of that, I'm not a fuggin weatherman eh? Hey, I bet I could do a worse job that the local weatherwankers tho! Serious, I know that sounds like a big challenge since the weatherdorks around here suck big bungholio but I'll give it a shot:
Today the forecast will be mild with a chance flying frog bowels
There how's that eh?
Now for the news......
• Miserable Soggyness in the UK:
We've all heard the reports on how much rain out Brothahz across the pond are, and if ya haven't, here's the latest from Stefan of The RatBike Zone:
"Dude,
It's been raining here for the last fuckin month. Roads are flooded, no trains are
running so every asshole is in his car, street lights & traffic lights backing
up etc. Just as well I've a rat bike, tho rain still sucks! Well at least there's
plenty empty spaces in the m/cycle parking bays now cos all the wannabes & scooterists
are stayin at home.
Later,
Stefan"
Hang in there man, hope it all dries out soon, We'll do our best to get Pavement
channeling his mystical powers of butfucking catholic school girls to help ya
out! Seriously, it works!
• Flaming Stool:
This one in from Agt. Socko:
http://sdsefi.com/features/apr00stool.htm
It's the turbocharged barstool for those of you that can't dance but like to get
out and boogie while still having the ability to make a run to the bar every now
and then. Personally I'd like one for getting around the garage for when I'm workin
on the A51 Triumph.
• Hip hop what??:
Word has it that the Denver BooRockerGothDeathRockerI'mSoDepressedBuffytheUmpireSlayer
Dance club also known as Onyx has gone completely out of it's tits and has decided
to have Hip Hop night twice a week. Now if it was gonna be a "real" type
hiphop club on those nights it would actually be pretty cool, but we all know it's
just gonna be a bunch of hoodlum wannabees from the burbs that think "they be
chillin in the hood" or some silly bullshit like that eh. BTW, I also got rumor
that one of the hiphop nights will be replacing the all ages night, no more staring
at 18year old goth babes on thursday night:-(
• Ninja of The North:
Just got an email form our sistah Melissa in Seattle:
"hey you !!!!
so howza snow in the ol home state o colorado ?
just lotsa wet up here , icky....
not to much to report other than that the bike is in the shop for a new
wiring harness and tune up. gotta love that english wiring.... bah!!
tell one and all that I say hellllo and that I miss you guys, and I wouldn't
mind hearing from you once in a while ;)
luv ya !!
Mel out
ninga600@hotmail.com"
Damn baby! With all that rain yer bike was feeling homesick and mustah cooked
itself eh? Hope to be out there sometime next year to go riding!
• Mini moto madness:
We all drooled like morons the first time we saw the Ducati Mike "The Bike" Hailwood replica that arrived last year. Well for all of us who wanted one but only have two bucks in our pocket, Maisto is making a 1/18 scale replica as part of their series of groovy toy bikes:
Now finding one of these cool toys may be a bit difficult unless you like to romp through the local walmart store, but you can always get em on Ebay for about four times as much Also, over here you can find some 1/18th scale Yamaha TZ racers:
• VOTE Fool!:
Hey, ya only got till tomorrow afternoon to vote n' shit. The fuckin dipshit politicians won't vote themselves in....well maybe they would, but that sounds kinda fuckin spooky eh? BTW, the new "growth initiative" has nothing to do with viagra or putting longer forks on yer 79Zed Chop eh? Also, here's a nice bit of political humor for ya from Kellen:
Yeah, and these fools oppose gay marriages!
• 3.0 and Burn Circut:
This in from TowTow of the 667:
"Just a reminder:
3.0 will be playing:
SATURDAY, NOV. 4TH AT SPORTSFIELD ROXXX
8501 East Colfax Avenue
Denver, CO
(303)377-0200
With THROE VEIN, and BURN CIRCUIT
Doors are at 9 pm, $5.00
This is not spam, it has more meat to it..."
• Never enough:
Only said fuck like three fuckin times in the news today, that's fuckin lame!
Fuck! Fuckin! Fuck Off! Fucko! Fuckwad! Fuckitty! Fuckface! Fuckup! Fuck yer mom! Fuck o' Rama! Fuck The World!
.....I feel much fuckin better now;-)
11/1-2/00
Midweek Update
Heya, I'm already running late for my dayjob so the news is gonna be a quickie today:
• Tellin it like it is:
The Onion is known for satire, humor and practical jokes. This time however, they seem to have found the truth underlying the whole problem:
http://www.theonion.com/onion3534/missing_the_point.html
• No surprises here:
A recent NHTSA/DOT study says that there has been an increase in motorcycle deaths and injuries since the repeal of the helmet laws in Texas and Arkansas. Not much of a surprise really, we all know that un-armored heads moving at high speeds tend to make a solid splatting result when encountering anything of reasonable size. The big problem here is that the NHTSA/DOT press release leads people to believe that us motorcycle enthusiasts are just a bunch of clumsy dolts riding around running into shit. Nowhere in their fancy little press release do they mention that very likely over three fourths of these injuries and deaths were caused by factors such as cars, trucks, SUVs, vans, minivans, busses and station wagons. They also neglect to mention any facts relating to what contributing factors were involved with the other one fourth of these accidents that may have been the fault of the motorcyclist ( lack of motorcycle license, no insurance, under the influence of drugs or alcohol, etc, etc...). I really wish they would at least be fair in these studies and show that although "not wearing helmets" can make a bad situation much worse, in most cases it is factors out of the control of the motorcyclist, or very bad judgment that can cause these situations in the first place.
http://www.nhtsa.dot.gov/nhtsa/announce/press/pressdisplay.dbm?year=2000&filename=pr41-00.html
• Battery trouble?:
It happens to all of us at one point or another, we have a bad battery, our charging system sucks or it's just really fuggin cold. When this happens, we face the inevitable irritation of having to push start the bike on a regular basis. Here's a cool device that can help to fix all that:
http://www.securestartnow.com/
It's a relatively portable piece of equipment that can carry several charges and can save you allot of pushing the scoot around (especially on ice and snow, that shit sucks!). It's almost a hundred bucks, but if you have the cash to get it and a saddlebag to carry it, it just may be the answer to an old bike that doesn't charge up the battery very well. I wish they had these when I owned the Millennium Pigeon:
• More Carbon Fiber Than You Can Wag Yer Dong At:
Here's a groovy article from MCN on what happens when you let a the German tuning firm FVT go loopy on a MotoGuzzi:
http://www.motorcyclenews.com/bikes/bikes.asp?page=Latest+Bike+News&id=826
Musty old October news found here