many bothans died for this information

7/29-30/00

• It'sah Satahdeh! :

So that means that I gotta getouttada houce! Yeah, so I'll be at Buzz Cafe around 9pm or so. Feel free to swing by and laugh at my gimpy ass!

• Motorcycle races on cable sunday night:

If you have cable, the AMA superbike races will be on at 6pm Sunday night. It's channel 26 for digital cable users, not sure which channel for anyone else tho. In case you don't have cable, not to worry, I'm taping it and if you kick me down an email I'll loan you the tape. For folx like LoneWolfT509 and Manzruin and Stefan, I'll mail the tape over to you if ya can't get to a TV with cable.

• Guess what May wuz:

ABATE (A Brotherhood Active Towards Education) has designated the wonderful month of May to be "motorcycle safety and awareness month". Gee, that's ironic since I got run over on May 27th earlier this year! Anyone else out there been run over during "motorcycle safety and awareness month"?

• Finally gettin a domain name:

Well, utmc.org, com, and net are taken, same thing with all the terrorist variations, bummer. Anyhu, I'll find somethingin the next few days. My server administrator Mr. PFB, is gonna set it all up that you won't have to change yer bookmarks eh? I'll let ya know what happens.

7/27/00

• How SUV drivers check their blind spot:

Here's a "truth is stranger than fiction and twice as ugly" to start yer day:

No wonder all those stupid wankers in cages never see us, this is how they check their blind spot! Maybe this guy was just stickin his head out fer some fresh air. This lovely image was brought to my attention by brothah ?Pseudo?, man, and I thought I had too much time on my hands!

• I need a real one tho:

So I'm stuck at home with the cash from my obliterated Roadster burning a hole in my pocket. Not to mention I'm on so many drugs I can't do much more than surf the web and buy shit. Well, here's my latest score from ebay:

Anyone who digs Japanese Animation will remember this as the Cyclone from Robotech. I managed to pick up two of em. These are a little different from the ones on the show, but who cares really, it's a bike eh? And, not only does it have guns (all bikes should at least have a few laser cannons) but it also transforms into a big mean fuckin suit of body armor! I wish I had a real one of these for bitchslapping bad drivers eh? Not to mention what I could do to the trucks and SUV s! So the rest of my motorcycle replica collection is getting close to 200 bikes at this point, I'm running out of room for em.....man, I need to start riding again, this is getting outta hand!

• just a friendly reminder:

If you've been reading the news here, you'll remember the big bike demonstration coming up in the UK. Well, last weekend it happened, and the verdict from the press is, the members of MAG (Motorcycle Action Group) were heard loud and clear:

"We ride and we vote!"

Stefan of the Rat Bike Zone and our very own sixfoottallorangehairedchick Kellen were there to help in the protest and scare the common folk a bit. You can read a full article on it here and see some photos of it here Also, Kellen was sure to get a bunch o' killer picts and she'll be writing up a firsthand account of what it was like.

Doing some demonstrations like that here in the US might not be a bad idea either. Things like:

The luxury tax we all pay to renew our motorcycle licenses

The rule that only one motorcycle can park at a meter at a time, although there is usually room for four.

The sad truth that the only incentive the govt usually has for driving a safer, more fuel efficient vehicle is room in the HOV lane.

The fact that motorcycles are considered recreation vehicles, therefore insurance companies won't provide PIP benefits if you get run over ( PIP pays you an amount similar to your salary, this way you can continue to pay regular bills when you are healing).

That's just the tip of the big shafty we're getting buggered by too. One thing you can do to stop this kind crap from happening is to join groups like Abate and The MRF. It's well worth it to get involved in these groups, stay informed and make things better!

7/26/00

• All RevD up:

Got an email in from RevD of the 893 in the wee hours of the night:

"The hours are counting down now- just a few days until the move to Denver. I should be able to keep this e-mail address since my ISP is headquartered there. Spent the summer riding my bike in the hills and going to the big races. New challenges on the horizon, and a new horizon made of mountains instead of sea. I will never forget the beauty of California, her encyclopedia of pavement, and the strange attraction of a city built on cold, foggy rock outcroppings in the sea. I will return, and on two wheels, oh yes I will. But for now the path is Eastward, to our new friends in Denver and closer to our friends and family on the other coast.

Hello Denver- Adios California- Love to all.

Rev-d893"

We'll get the city ready for you and Toto, we can't wait to see you again, god speed!

• Real cool if you can't get outta da house:

Here's links to a couple of our favorite British moto rags online, not much in the way of free info and pictures, but at least a little bit eh?

SuperBike magazine

Back Street Heroes

AWOL ....yeah, that one, ...IT'S BACK!!!!!!!!

Yeah, that's another good reason to get yer news from the UTMC, cause fuckin CNN wouldn't get ya the URL to the new Awol page, hell those fuckin wanks don't even know what Awol is! At this point, Awol is gonna be a quarterly, but it aughtta pick up speed pretty quick.

• Another reason to be happy:

This 99 Buell wasn't yours:

Found this poor bastard machine for auction online, it was just too pitiful not to share. Bet you could pull some mean damn corners on it tho!

FTFS: FUCKIN TRUCKS FUCKIN SUCK!

7/25/00

• Got some good stories?:

So you all know I get the heads up on cool stuff goin on sometimes, well here's a chance to be immortalized in some pages that just may end up on the best seller list. The Chicken Soup for the Soul series is pretty big, and now a woman named Valerie Hutchins is preparing to do one that even bikers will read....Well at least the ones that can read will, I guess she may throw in some nice pictures for the rest of you;-) Anyhu, here's the email's I got from her:

"Hi! My name is Valerie Hutchins, and yes, I ride! I'm collecting stories for 'Chicken Soup for the Biker's Soul." I'm a professional writer/author and am working on the book proposal for Jack Canfield. I've already got Sonny Barger and others signed on to give a story for the book, but I want as many voices heard as possible. If you would let your visitors know about this, it could benefit us all. LET'S BE HEARD!!! I can be reached at argus@inreach.com

I'm looking for non-fiction stories (slight embellishments O.K.) that will make ya laugh, make ya cry, or make ya say HOLY SHIT! These stories run about 750-1500 words. Cartoons and poems are also needed. All material needs to be PG rated. G-rating is fine (for the publisher.) R, and I'll help edit a little. The reason behind the censorship is simple. . . this is not a small project. Although the book is intended primarily for biker's, it will sell to the masses. The Chicken Soup books have topped the best seller list and have sold millions of copies worldwide in several languages. I'm walking a fine line here, trying to stay true to my family, and trying to appease the publishing house. I'll gladly accept any material in an email or MS Word attachment. I hope to hear from ya soon, untilthen. . . Ride Smart!

--Valerie"

So here's yer chance to tell everyone that story of the killer ride, or the time where you almost went under an 18 wheeler, or the time you rode 150 miles on a tire that was about to blow, or that time you managed to fit 4 girls on yer bike after that big party and took em home and had a foursome......well, maybe you should save that last one for "Chicken Soup for the Biker's Genitals";-) Anyhu, yours truly will be sending off a few stories, and if any of you that have articles here on the page would like me to submit them, just drop me an email.

• TowTow gets triked:

I yakked with TowTow of the 667 recently over email, he's doin well and he has some great news: He finally has a trike! It's not complete yet but it shouldn't be too long before he can get bugs in he teeth without sticking his head out the window. Here's a photo of the work in progress:

Right on TowTow! With any luck I'll be healed and have a new bike by the time you have this one is ready to rock.

• Moses ok being a poser:

Word on the street is, Moses of the 667 STILL dosen't have his bike running. The bike had some sort of electrical problem and it needed a $50 part or something, but this happened sometime around april of this year. Well, now it's the middle of july and the bike still isn't running. I was hit by a truck Memorial day weekend, and I've ridden more miles so far this season! Sources have confirmed he still wears all of his bike gear, and still hangs out with others who ride, from this all we can conclude is that he's happy being a poser. Come on Moses, prove us wrong, fix your damn bike eh?

7/22-23/00

• Goin to see Ames new chopper:

Your gimpy ass webmaster will be bustin outta da house tonight for a few hours, I'll be over at Ames casa around 7:30 or 8. Sounds like the chopper party is gonna be good: movies, jumbalaya, fossilized dinosaurs in the front yard, hell yeah! Hope to see the rest of you ugly maphukkaz there, I think it might be an invite only gig, so call Ames first if yer headin over.

• Schuco Piccolo to start producing motorcycles:

To cater for the fans and collectors of motorcycles, Schuco now offer a really fascinating range of legendary motocycles in approximate scale 1: 43 - from "Adler" to "Zündapp" including international brands. These marvellous miniatures are painted by hand with the utmost care and will be produced in limited quantaties. Below is a photograph of the first four, already available:

BMW R 27

Zündapp KS 601

Horex Regina 250

Triumph Boss

I've only been able to find these in two places so far:

http://www.PiccoloWorld.com Here you can expect to pay $24.99 here

The other place to get em' is on Ebay on this seller's auctions, I was able to get all four for $14 each.

These bikes are a little pricey, but Schuco has a solid reputation for making very high quality peices, when you consider they are only a couple of inches in length, there is quite a bit of detail crafted into them, the BMW even has tank badges.

• Pinto joined the army????:

I heard rumor from TowTow that brothah Pinto has signed his arse over to the MAN. I'm not sure if this is the tru7h, cause I've only heard it once, I usually only report news like this unless I have several sources (otherwise I'd be tellin you guys that Moses had his bike running and Elvis Presley was half Jewish and half Cherokee). Anyhu, if you get a chance to see Pinto, wish him the best of luck for me! Seeing as he's homeless, phoneless and without access to tha page, and I'm gimped up, I may not be seein him before he goes. Good luck brothah, and come back with all yer appendages eh, we'll miss you.

7/21/00

• Ames to get his new Chopper this weekend:

Word has it that brothah Ames will be getting his chopper this weekend, he's pretty excited from what I hear. Rumor has it that the new chopper will be relatively fast but may decrease some of Ames's more unique riding skills temporarily. His sweetheart is pretty happy about it tho, she's so excited she'll probably even have unprotected sex with him! The massive party will ensue very soon, more details as they become available.

• Looks good, but can't use it fer toilet paper when yer done tho:

Not that anyone who ever read Twistgrip Magazine would have used it for wiping their arse, I'm just stating the obvious stuff here. Anyhu, if you read Twistgrip and got all mopey and teary eyed when ya found out they were outta issues, it's a happy day for ya! Twistgrip is up online now and you can find it here. Lotsa good reading as usual, and without alot of the wanky advertising and little subsciption cards fallin into yer cereal bowl in the morn, check it out eh.

• Gugg en heiming in Las Vegas:

For anyone who might have been a lame enough cheesewank to miss the "Art Of The Motorcycle" exhibit at the Guggenheim Museum in New York, fear not, you may get a chance to get your lazy slacking joke of an arse to see it after all! Word has it, the Guggenheim Museum and the Las Vegas Venetian Hotel/Casino are yakkin over negotiations to pack up and bring the "Art of The Motorcycle" to Las Vegas. The AoM exhibit smacked down all the previous attendance records bringing in a huge 300,000 bastards in the 75 days it was up. The AoM exhibit was one of the major motorcycle nut events of the last millenium.....well, with the exception of a few races and the invention of the motorcycle in the first place. The exhibit features over a hundred bikes ranging from the 1800's to modern day stuff....I hope they put the newer stuff upstairs or else there's gonna be oil dripping everywhere! Currently, the AoM exhibit is the Guggenheims's Frank Gehry-designed museum in Spain, let's hope they can weasel it to Vegas, talk about a killer reason for a road trip!

7/20/00

• How to keep the Man in check:

So here in the states, all of us yanks like to bitch about all the anti-motorcycle laws and stuff that go on, but we have it easy compared to our tea guzzlin', streetfighter buildin', queen savin' brothas across the pond. They get buggered by their government every time they turn around, sometimes the parlement does it righ to their faces too! Thankfully, their bikey culture has a bit of organization and motivation and can act as one when in times of crisis. read below:

" Saturday 22 July 2000 may well be the most important day for British Bikers for the next four or five years. On that day MAG aims to run a massive London demo in Trafalgar Square. The show starts at 2pm and feeder runs are being organised from all over the UK.

Why is this demo so important?

Next year is likely to be an election year, and politicians need to be reminded that motorcyclists are a political force to be reckoned with.

Further, the GLA seems poised to introduce charges for motorcycles entering Central London, as well as introducing charges on bike parking. Other towns and cities are sure to follow this lead - this isn't just about London."

Now that should be an example to us Yanks to come together as a group before the Man puts the thumbscrews to us! You can read more about what's goin on in da UK here.

• The moldy rice page:

Here's a pretty cool page run by and for lovers of classic Japanese motorbikes: The Vintage Japanese Motorcycle Club. They have all kinds of groovy stuff like members bike galleries, calssifieds. articles and even tech tips for that old Honda Benly. Woth takin a look at especially if you like moldy rice!

• FTFS:

Fuckin Trucks Fuckin Suck!

7/19/00

• The Aerostitch cospiracy:

So Crazy Rob and me were gandering at the new Aerostitch Riders Wearhouse Catalog and found some strange new bits available, we were a bit suprised with this stuff tho:

page 35 - the Ben Hur Axle Kit

page 66 - EMP Cell Phone Eliminator

page 140 - Coolness Emulator

page 138- Undo Workshop Switch

page 118 - Elephant Whistles

page 166 - Dummy Kickstart Lever

Me and Rob pretty much agree that this catalog is the one to have if ya need stuff, Aerostitch makes JC Whitney look like a bitch. There are lots of sections on the usual bikey stuff, but also alot of sections on stuff like camping equipment that packs up real small, GPS systems, roadside cutlery, a huge selection of really good books and movies that are all moto and as always, t-shirts that say cool shit. For now, this is the only place where you can get a killer 667 "Nuke and Pave" shirt, page 53. If you don't have one o' these foockin hewg catalogs you can get one from their web page here.

• The Kwaka Museum:

Here's a really groovy page that gives some of the history on the old Kawasakis. Some good info and some killer photos of the old classics:

7/15-16/00

Weekend Update

-The weekend update is brought to you by, VIcadin, the pain killer that sometimes won't work at all, and other times gets you really fuckin' loopy!-

• Scary biker gangs from Japan:

Here's a chunk of news from Japan about how THE MAN is messing with bikers.

Tuesday, December 28, 1999
Cops stall biker plan for New Year's drag

Mainichi Shimbun

Police have arrested 18 members of a hot-rod gang who were apparently training on their bikes in preparation for a motorcycle run they were to make on New Year's Day.

The group called Zero-Oni, or Zero Devils, mostly from Ota-ku, Tokyo, consisting of 15 to 18-year-olds, were arrested for a run they made with at least 50 people in Meguro-ku and Shinagawa-ku, Tokyo, in the predawn hours on Sept. 26 earlier this year. It was not clear why the arrests were only made recently.

According to police, the hot-rod group was riding some 50 motorbikes when they caused a disturbance and ran traffic lights in the districts.

Police said seven of the youngsters who were arrested were driving without licenses.

"We had just formed the group and were planning to make our New Year's Day run driving toward the foot of Mount Fuji," one of the gang members reportedly told police.

So I guess this proves that cops everywhere are assholes.

• Something found in the translation:

Something tells me it's not THIS Japanese biker gang that was responsible for the mayhem and terrorizing of innocent townspeople mentioned above. No folx, these guys just aren't really that type I guess. Seriously, just listen to some of their self descriptions from themember section:

1.Watabe Naoya / Yamaha FZR250 -- I think to take a large-sized license , and Harley or an old motorcycle in the end. (I am looking for girlfrends) -------Apparently this guy has never had an old motorcycle in his arse, or he would think differenty!

2.Ishida Masahiro / Kawasaki GPX250 -- I took license in June of this year. Since I run short distance only, if I get used to a slight degree, I want to go to a touring with a tent etc. My dream goes to Hokkaido. P.S Every morning I make my tent also. ---------Ok, no more viagra for this guy.

6.Yamashita nobuhiro / Honda GL1500 -- The technician with the deep bosom with the exciting (miserable ?) past of digging an iron pot in the a son's Valkan by the Gold Wing. ---------WTF?!?

Pretty funny stuff eh? You can read the rest of them HERE , if you have the time take a look at the rest of the page too, they have I guess we shouldn't laugh too hard, for all we know all the japanese writing on the Yosh exhaust cans could say something rude about our mothers.

• My Bonne lies over the ocean:

The Aussies over at All-Moto.com got an inside scoop on the new Triumph Bonneville that should hit the market soon. I gotta say, if it ends up lookin this nice I may have to put the Area 51 Daytona 500 project on the back burner.......

now that I think about it, thanks to a big fuckin truck running me over and busting my hip, it'll probably be a few years before I can the ride A51 Triumph anyway sice it's a hardtail! FTFS!

Hey, if ya missed friday's news, it's worth a gander. Serious, you may learn some really disturbing shit;-)

7/14/00

• Big ~~Brother~~ "Bro" is Watching:

Here's something extra creepy that Stefan of The Rat Bike Zone found checking his web stats. Pretty fuckin scary eh?

• What BMW's would be like in a fucked up alternate universe:

So what if there was a really fucked up alternate universe where nazis could actually win World War II, or win anything for that matter. Well, we wouldn't be driving BMW's, cause this is what they'd look like:

Now that's pretty fucked up eh? a 1980's BMW with nazi stuff on it, check out those seats too! If you wanna order this very strange (and maybe soon to be discontinued if BMW sees it) motorcycle model, you can buy it here, and you might wanna check out the other 226 bike models they have too.

• Fuck the system, return the favor:

So the fuckoff that ran me over plea bargianed his 'running a red light' ticket down to a 'defective vehichle'. 2 points and $150 fines and court costs. This for running me over, destroying my bike, breaking my leg in four places, breaking my hip, giving me a closed head injury, 18 days in the hospital, over 3 months without walking,, constant nightmares, making every day filled with pain and agony.

I had a speeding ticket once with a worse penalty than that! According to "the man", it's worse for me to speed on my motorcycle and not hurt anybody or anything, than for some fuckhead to buy one of the biggest damn trucks possible, run a red light and almost kill me.

I was lying in the middle of the street screaming, with a broken leg, dislocated from a broken hip, bleeding from the head. My bike was trapped underneath the fuckers truck. Five witnesses said that it was the fucking trucks fault.

He ran a red light and hit me, the fucker took away my damn life as I knew it.

The cop gave him a ticket for running a red light, but nothing for breaking almost half of my body.

In court the shit gets worse:

The district attorney promised to up the charges, and then never showed up the day of court.

The judge for some reason wasn't able to raise the charges, and let the fucker plea bargian it down from running a red light to defective vehichle! More like defective driver!

So any stupid fuck can run red lights in a big goddamn truck and run over people if they got $150 to spare, that's fucking great! If someone did this damage to me with a baseball bat they would go to jail for attempted manslaughter, but as long as you use a truck and say you didn't mean to do it, well that makes it fucking ok!

Fuck it, all respect I had for our police and our justice system has just gone down the damn toilet. It amazes me when those fucks are suprised that a pig gets shot or someone blows up a government building, with the way the criminal system is run they should be expecting it by now. Not that I condone that sort of behavior at all, too much of a chance for innocent people to get hurt. All assholes with trucks/minivans/SUVs on the other hand usually prove their value as fertilizer.

So that's my rant, I'm gonna go take some fuckin pain killers. FTFS

7/10/00

• Kid Cisco up by 1200:

Had a chance to catch up with Sisco on saturday night at Buzz cafe. He was happy to let usknow that he had finally picked his Buell, a brand slappin new 1200cc Cyclone in heavy gloss black. As usual the big funky plastic airbox will be yanked asap. I'll slap some photos up as soon as I get em eh.

• Streetfighter trivia:

So did you know that the first issue of Streetfighter Magazine was actually a special issue to another killer UK bike rag? Yup, the folx at Back Street Hereos were responsible for bringing us this fantastic addiction! It's kinda that old theory aboot how some drugs lead to other drugs, except it actually works in this application eh? I was gonna use this info to start a "fact of the day" section in the news but, I usually only have a couple of honest facts a week and I'd hate to go look for more of em.

• Donut/Coffee hybrid quietly released to public in YooKeh:

This news just in from Kellen in the U.K.. It would seem that those loopy brits have developed donut flavored coffee. Sounds like a good way to smuggle donuts! Like in that 80's James Bond flick where the Columbian drug dealers have a secret way of dissolving cocaine into gasoline and then later turning it back into pure cocaine! This is even better, because you don't have to perfect the proccess. You see, if you have coffee that tastes like donuts, or donuts that taste like coffee, you'll never notice! It gets even better tho, cause if someone dosen't like coffee or donuts, we'll find out, and then they can be taken for re-education. First the Human Genome Project, now this, It's a great time to be alive!

7/8-9/00

WEEKEND UPDATE

• Bustin Outta Da Crib:

Hey everyone! It's Saturday, and that means I'll be out and aboot crutchin my gimpy ass around and watchin all of you chain smoke;-) Lis' and I'll be at Buzz tonight for a couple of hours. We'll probably wait till the sun almost is down so it's not too hot. Hope to see ya there! BTW, if you guys don't like Buzz I'm game for goin' other places, as long as they aren't too crowded and have a patio.

• Da Master List of Salvage Yards:

Ever wondered where all of the motorcycle salvage yards in the continental US were? Well check out this page I wandered across the other day:

http://www.necycle.com/acers/

They have a complete list of yards including the name, address, phone number and web and email if they have it! Well, I guess you'll be able to track down that hard to find part now huh?

• All da killer Ogri stuff you'll ever need:

Ever heard of Ogri? If you've been anywhere near the european motorcycle culture chances are good ya have! Well, if you're outta the loop Ogri is a killer comic strip that ya really gotta read to understand, I highly reccomend it tho! Click on the picture below to get to the Ogri stuff page:

It looks like it's gonna be a killer weekend as far as the weather goes, eat a few bugs for me eh?

7/6/00

---Sorry aboot the lapse in news, the last couple of days have been harsh on the pain---

• Mr. RevD's Neighborhood:

Word just in that RevD and Toto of the 893 will be landing in Denver, CO to stay! As a matter of fact they'll be living right across the street from me and Lis'! They should be movin out here around the beginning of August (hey! that's when I'll be able to start walkin again too!) so it looks like we'll be havin alot more BBQ's this fall to welcome in our new neighbors! Talk about great news eh?

• A bloody big stack o' Brit rags :

A HUGE thanx goes out to our dear sistah Kellen who is currently livin it up in da YooKeh (United Kingdom). I just received a fat stack of eight Brit bike rags, courtosey of Kellen. These mags are great reading, lotsa good scoops on grey bikes and grey gear (for those of you that are a bit green, grey bikes and grey gear is da killa goodz you can get there but not here). BTW, I'm in the proccess of slappin together a bigass list of websites where you can order grey stuff.

So if you're sayin to yerself, "Hey! I want me summa dem Brit bike rags" here's da scoop from sistah Kellen herself:

"word is that a few of you were wondering where to send cash for bike mags.... send money/lists to:

Kellen Brockman
37a Addison Gardens
London, W14

They range from $3-5, most being in the $5 range. If you get the money/lists out this week, it'll be best, mu mother is coming in 2 1/2 weeks, and I can send themhome with her, making shipping really fucking cheap. Otherwise I'll just mail everything to Dan, and he can distribute them."

Here's the list of bike mags she can get:

Back Street Heroes - Imagine if Easyriders didn't suck and was really cool. Now imagine it had all different makes of custom chops and stretches and not just harleys. Now imagine it's done in England, that's BSH.

Streetfighters - A mag fiiled with whacked out custom crotchrockets and homemade nekkid bikes. Lotsa killer stunt riding, project bikes, articles on bike rallies and a few topless brit babes too. A killer rag all about streetfighter motorbikes, it does what it says on the packet, a must have IMHO!

Awol - One of the tougher ones to find, this one just recently went back into print by popular demand and threats of mass castration of random folx. It's a nice mix between BSH and Streetfighters except the custom bikes are more like something a bunch of broke bastards like us would slap together. Awol kicks huge bullox, and I'm not just sayin that cause they did a half page review of da 667 webpage ( one o' my babys) a few years back!

SuperBike - If you like superfast bikes with huge fuckoff motors, upsidedown forx, no pillon room, and lots of pics of wheelies, this one is for you! Lots of road tests, shootouts and such, it even has a fold out with exposed boobies!

Fast Bike - Similar Superbike but more hoolagan like, this rag is great! A bunch of insane bastard riders similar to folx we might know somehow convinced someone to give them nice new sportbikes, let em crash, thrash and disembowel them, publish it and sell it to the newsagents every month. BTW, it appears to be all bikes, good nuff, if I wanted boobies I'd be hangin with me girlie and not hidin out in the g'rage readin aboot scoots eh?

Ride - Kind of a Consumer Reports for bikey sorts, this rag is filled with reviews, tests, how to's, were to go's and such. Lotsa good info and test rides and such, ya may just learn something by readin this one, the latest issue even has a two page spread on flipup lids, can't beat that eh?

Bike - Imagine Cycle World, twice as thick, three times as good and not all stuffy and conservative. Bike is a perfect excuse for killing trees, everything from multi bike shootouts, reviews of limited run bikes, product reviews, event coverage and the last page is Ogri comic, now that's SMOKKIN!

So forget the Yank standards for bike mags, we got way too many "lookie wot I done with me harly" rags, If I see another one of those chromey cruiser-rags I'm gonna shite. So if yer feelin like me, here's yer chance to get any of the bikey pubs you see above for a limited time. Yer best bet is to take your cash and wrap some paper around it before you drop it in the envelope, that way it's less likely to be seen by the postal folx and more likely to make it to Kellen.

• The best bike reviews on tha net:

I was recently thrown over to the Motorcycle Online website by brothah Nate B. The MO guys have a killer review of the doubleaught edition BMW R1100S, and they have gone one step further, they have movie footage of the bike in action! If you're spanked in to a big pipe I highly recomend takin a look, hell, if you have a slow hookup it's still worth the waitin around for the d'load. Surfin' for porn on the net just got a whole new meaning eh?

7/3/00

• Oh my god, you ran me over with a truck, YOU BASTARD!

So recently I realized (maybe I was told by someone when my meds were strong, dunno) that the boner-biting jerkoff unclefucker that ran me over with a huge fucking goddamn hunk of shit truck is from the part of Colorado called South Park! Now that's pretty fucked up! So with this spooky peice of information I did a bit of investigating and made a disturbing discovery. The picture below was taken from a South Park episode, if you look closely at the front of the truck you can see kill marks representing the hunter's progress so far this season:

This is very bad, more information as it becomes available.

• 'House of Cool Beemers' under construction:

I got this email in from Stefan of Ratbike.org this morning:

"that cafe racer thing you put on your site the other day made me realize that I have lots of pictures of cool/unusual/plain mad BMWs which Ireally should share with the world. So, may I present:

---The House of Cool Beemers---

Quite possibly featuring the Mellennium Pidgeon (and the eBay attrocity and then some) really soon"

If you have any photos of scary, strange, alien, weird, groovy or killer custom Beemers layin around, send em on over toStefan asap eh.

Speaking of killer Beemers, here's a couple more recent pictures of the bike that singlehandedly totalled a Volvo:

I know I'm reporting a great deal on this subject but hey, a motorcycle responsible for removing a volvo from the road PERMANENTLY? Stefan deserves a medal, a lifetime sub to all the good bikey mags and a girl to give him hummers once a week!

• 2xD gets a new bike:

I was able to finally bust outta da house last night for a cup o java and some yakkin with friends.

As for everyone whom I stood up on saturday night, please accept my sincere apologies. You see, I was having some brutal "not feeling well at all" issues that were for the most part indirectly related to that truck that ran me over.

Anyhu, it was good seeing DaCop, Dr. Jason, Crazy Rob and 2xD, like old times. Well, except for the fact that I couldn't walk, couldn't smoke, my bike was gone and I was on really good pain killaz. Seriously tho, I was really happy to be out with da guys. So anyhu, before the pain killaz kicked in strong and I looped out, I learned that 2xD got an early 70's Kwaka KZ400! It needs a bit o' wrenching and some polishing but it aughtta keep him on the road when his killer Ninja is on the skidz. I'll get ya a picture as soon as 2xD sends me one.

Well, thassanuff news for today, my pain killaz are kickin in hard so I'm gonna stare at the televisoin fora bit

Weekend Update

7/1-2/00

• A photo of the RatBeemer that killed a Volvo:

Here's a picture of the bike that singlehandedly totalled a Volvo:

This is Stefan's mean ride, fast and flat black. Be sure to check out Stefan's page; Ratbike.org.

• Fixed Some Stuff:

Fixed the banners and updated the URLs on the links page.

• Gonna be at Buzz cafe saturday:

I'll be out and aboot saturday night at Buzz Cafe on 6th and Marion, I should be there after dark. I liked hangin out at Paris cafe last weekend but it was a little crowded there eh. Besides, Buzz has lotsa bike parking, a huge patio and great coffee. I'd love to see everyone, so if you can make it please do!

• Scary shit you find on ebay:

Now I dig custom bikes, and i really go for custom Beemers, but this right here is FUCKED UP!

This can be yours if you got the cash and have completely lost you god damn mind!

http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/aw-cgi/ebayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=370456541&r=0&t=0

6/30/00

• The full spank on the totalled V*lvo:

If you read the headline news every day you'll remember a few days ago there was a blurb aboot our mate Stefan in the UK smashing a volvo to bits with his RatBeemer.( If you don't read the headline news every day you're missing out on all sorts of groovy news and people might think you're a poofter) Anyhu, here's the full scoop from Stefan himslef:

"Didn't really wreck that Volvo wagon, more like the driver's insurance co.
did it. God knows how insurance adjuster's brains work, I would have
thought there was maybe $2,000 of damage to a $40,000 car but they decided
it was a write off! Driver was a woman from California who thought she was
at home driving on the other side of the road, just pulled out in front of
me so my left cylinder got embeded between the front & rear door, and the
handlebar end went thru the window. Seeing it was a Volvo, the side air bag
thingy fired with a great bang and it all was way scary. Just as well I was
on the BMW or else the impact would've been my leg instead of the motor!!
Wagons suck. Volvo wagons suck hardest."

Well, there ya have it folx! Another case of someones leg being saved by the big jugs of a BMW Boxer motor. I can't tell ya how many people I've talked to that have kept their legs due to the design of their Boxer engined bike. Not just BMW's, also goldwings and even Guzzi's can put just enough metal in harms way to keep you walking. Now the problem I recently had was a two ton chevy truck of doom that was jacked up 3 feet off the floor. The truck was jacked up so high that the bumper went right over the top of my cyclinder head and proceeded to obliterate my leg and hip. The moral of the story? Fuckin Trucks Fuckin Suck......and so do twats in Volvos!

6/29/00

• The last of the V8's:

If you've been on the motorcycling scene for a bit you may have heard of Drysdale Motorcycle Company. They're a Austrailian company that makes V8 powered motorcycles, not the big overcheesy 1100 lb Boss Hoss type beasts that are for blox with wee bitty wankers tho. Drysdale makes finely tuned precision V8 motors along the lines of 750cc and 1000cc and slaps em into a very nice selection of framework, suspension and such. Some really cool machines, just wish they were a wee bit more affordable. At $50,00-$70,000 most of us will have to wait till the kids are through college and the IRA's are ready to pay out eh.

• Confessions of a Closet Cafe Racer:

Here's a cool article I ran across yesterday by Mike Maxwell that struck a nerve deep down inside of me. Most of you remember the Mellenium Pidgeon, my bastardized 77 BMW R100RS with Ninja fairings and pipes and the ten gallon tank and all that. Well this article goes into depth about whackos like me and Mr. Maxwell, who just can't leave a perfect machine alone.

http://www.bmweb.co.za/pg-stories/caferacer.html

6/28/00

• Agents Rue and Buckfifty of the 893 to go on a US tour:

This just in from the mad Agent Rue of the 893 east coast HQ:

"Hey boys , it has been confirmed both agent Rue893 and Cmdr. Buckfifty are going on a cross country bonanza. If you have recieved this e-mail. then you can safely assume that we would like to steal some of your oh so comfortable floor space. Send me something back so we can possible arrange something. The dates of departure are going to be right after Socko's wedding (god bless) and we plan to arrive in CA about a week or so after depature. Rev. Patty may be joining us (yee-ha) write back or call me Patrick. Thanks in advance for all yall's hospitality. Love at yah

--rue893"

If you got a couch you can lend and you're between Boston and LosAngeles, kick an email to Rue893. You'll be glad ya did!

• CafeRacer.com, a good way to kill an afternoon:

Now this is a smokkin page! Everything you ever wanted to know aboot 'cafe racers' including history, essays, stories, photo and ad galleries, t-shirts, bike parts, tech info and even a step by step on how to build a Triton! I spent a few hours this morning over there wandering around, a really fantastic site!

http://www.caferacer.com/

6/27/00

• Associate Editor of Motorcyclist magazine murdered by a truck:

The 23rd of june, last friday night in Asheville, NC, we lost a brother in the motorcycle world. Greg McQuide, Motorcyclist Magazine's Associate Editor, was fatally injured when a box-type truck cut into his lane and pushed him into the guard rail.

Greg was well respected in the motorcycling community and had many caring friends. He enjoyed racing on his Suzuki SV650 on the weekends and working at Motorcyclist during the week. Our deepest condolences go out to his friends and family. Here is a link to one of his articles online and below are some photos of him rippin up the track:

You will be missed Greg.

• FTFS:

Fuckin Trucks Fuckin Suck:

FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS FTFS

6/26/00

--DISCLAIMER: my pain killaz aren't working well today--

• RevD and Toto of the 893 to move to Denver!:

That's right denziens of Denver, those two fabulous folx from 'fransisco we met a month ago are planning to pack up and migrate to our fine city. The details aren't set in stone yet but it looks like they'll be here around july or august. More info soon.

• Ames to get a chopper:

Rumor has it that Ames will be getting a chopper sometime soon. I'm not sure what the make or model is, but it is rumored to be faster and more potent than most Harley choppers. He'll be having an invite only party to celebrate and show it off to everyone. I'll try to get more info for ya all.

• Rain = Pain:

Titanium aftermarket parts in my leg and hip, fucking ouch!

6/24-25/00

--DISCLAIMER: I'm on lots of very good drugs right now--

• Awol is BACK!:

That's right boys and girls, according to page 19 of the June issue of Back Street Heroes(another great ropy british bikey rag), everyones favorite custom bike magazine is in print again! Now how long it'll take to make over to our side of the pond is unknown, but it's a good thing our very own Kellen is over there and willing to send em over. If you want some of the british bikey rags throw some cash together and drop it with me along with a list of which rags ya want.

• Human Genome Project complete:

Early next week researchers will announce that they have finished mapping the human genetic code. Now this is really just the beginning, but it's fuckin amazing nonetheless. So what is so amazing you ask? How bout this:

You get in a bad bike wreck, you wake up in the hospital and your arm is gone. A team of surgeons comes in and says you'll be going in for surgery soon, they've just finished growing your new arm and you'll be good as new in a few weeks.

Now you gotta admit that is about as cool as it gets eh? You can find out more about it here:

http://www.nhgri.nih.gov/HGP/

• Goin out this weekend, WOOHOO!:

I'll actually be gettin outta the house and down to Paris cafe Saturday night for an hour or two. I'm pretty damn excited since I've built up some serious fuckin cabin fever being stuck at home and in hospitals over the last month. I'm not sure how long I'll be out, as long as I can last I guess.

• Stefan of Ratbike.org takes out a Volvo:

Apparrently our dear bloke Stefan, the proud webmaster of RatBike.org obliterated a Volvo with his RatBeemer. How this incredible feat was performed I don't know, but hopefully Stefan will write up the details to share with us soon.

• Check out McMod:

Here's a killer page of modified bikes from Hell....oh, really? Oh..down there! Geez, I thought....yeah.....ok, my bad.

http://users.hunterlink.net.au/~ddped/mcmodrau.htm

Here's a killer page of modified bikes from Austrailia! It's called the Austrailian Motorcyle Modifiers Register. They have some incredibly cool bikes featured, even some that may not actually exist! Seriously tho, you gotta check this page out, below is just one reason why:

6/23/00

• A Killer Photo:

...................................................................photo credit: Henny Ray Abrams/ AFP

Steve Rapp gets down and funky on the track on the june 10th race at Elkhart Lake. Check out that front end eh! I don't know how these guys do it, I was hit by a truck and the bike just looks a little mangled, this guy crashes into nothing and the whole thing is busting apart at the seams!

• Great news from the ortho Doc:

Got some xrays and a hip to foot inspection from the ortho doc yesterday. He said that I'm healing as fast as possible and things are looking good. Unfourtunately I'm not outta the woods yet as far as future surgeries are concerned. The Doc mentioned that most people with injuries like this lose their leg. I had kevlar armored knee high leather mx boots to keep everything from being torn apart, and a killer surgical team to put everything back together. I asked the Doc if I'll ever be able to run again, his response was "we'll see", I hope that can give someone out there reading this a little perspecive on their own problems eh? Personally, I'm pretty fuckin happy to be alive.

• FTFS:

Fuckin Trucks Fuckin Suck:

6/21/00

• Kellen arrives safely in da Yoo Keh:

This just in from our sistah Kellen:

"I am still tired as all hell, but I made it to the far away land okee. Monday
Morning as I was leaving my house, the chica who I was supposed to live with
called and said that her mom got sick and was moving in and that I couldn't
live with her anymore... great. But yesterday I found a place to live. It's
with this lady, who is a clothing designer and I get a shoebox to live in for
$225 a week. Sadly, it's a fabulous deal for London. It's really tiny. It's in
Kensington which is apparently a nice area.... Anyways, I want to hear from
you all, I'll have easier access to the net after monday, so i should start
responding then. I love you kids and take care of yourselves....

xoxoxoxoxo
Kellen"

Glad to hear she made it to the other side of the pond ok and all is going reasonably well. Good luck Kellen, we'll send ya out some Kamel Reds and a couple of miniature motorcycles real soon!

• The Roadster is toast:

That was the bad word from the mechs down at Foothills BMW yesterday. The bike itself looks like it was smacked at 40 by a truck and then dragged under it for ten feet, go figure, it was! It's pretty mangled but still somehow in one piece, The front end doesen't seem to be bent too bad, the tank is just mangled enough to be completely uselsess, the brake lever and linkage are broken clean off along with the right footpeg. The clubmans are bent, the tankbadges are gone, one of the oil coolers is smashed into the a-arm and sheared open, the left cylinder head is fractured and the whole left jug appears to be sort of bent. The left fuel injector is crushed, the paint has lots of scratches and abrasions, oh and by the way, the engine is fried from running with all of the oil spewing on the street.

So, I get to chalk this one up as the first bike I've ever totalled.......correction, the first bike I've owned that has been totalled, considering it was Mr. Chevy that did all the work. My next scoot is very likely to be the BMW 1200C Stilletto:

Personally, I've never been too fond of cruisers, but since I can't do less than a 90 degree angle of my leg to my chest, I won't be on any cafe racers for a year or so. Oh well, time to learn how to ride all over again. Remember folx: FTFS= Fuckin Trucks Fuckin Suck!

• Wild rumors abound, Ian drank a beer?:

Unfounded rumor from a somewhat reliable source has brought forth information that Ian may have, or may be, drinking a beer. Many Bothans died to bring us this information.

6/20/00

• Hangin with Manzruin:

It was great to finally meet the man himself, Manzruin. I was pretty louped up on my meds so I wasn't quite as coherent as I would have liked. It was nice tho, we hung out for a bit and yakked aboot bikes and motorcycles and scoots and choppers and streetfighters and such. Manzruin is a great guy to sit and yak about bikes with. I can't wait till I'm riding again so I can go visit him on his home turf for week when I'm not on a bunch of codine. After hangin a bit here, 'Ruin, Ames, Dr. Jason and Dacop went rompin around our fine city, I'll get some details of that today when I see Dr. J.

• Goin to check out the roadster today:

Dr. Jason has been kind enough to offer to drive me and Lisa up to Foothills BMW so I can inspect the remains of my mangled 850 Roadster. I'll get some photos for the Gallery section and hopefully find out if it is a total or if they can piece it back together.

• Cops with Zappers:

Another good reason to own an old motorcycle:

http://www.hut.fi/~zam/ew/clip3.html

6/19/00

• Manzruin is here for a one day bash!:

I got the heads up from 'Ruin himself in an email last night:

"Went to bandomier today, watched the drags, got to ride a 120" jockey shit drag chopper.... Planning on leaving early tuesday so I'll be around tomorrow."

I'm hoping the rest of you have had a chance to hang with him, if not I'll be making some calls and workin some hookups so 'Ruin doesen't have to spend his whole day with a gimpy drugged up ex-Beeemer pilot;-) Gimmie a call if ya wanna meet the 'Ruin.

• Kellen is off to London:

She's hoppin on a plane around noon and she'll be off to the other side of the pond in aboot 12 hours. She'll be sending back emails and funky bikey photos for a new section of the gallery. Lets all wish her good luck, safe flight and god speed. We're gonna miss you Kellen!

• I made Coffee!:

Yep, that's right! Your gimped up webmaster flawlessly made a perfect pot of coffee this morning! I know it doesen't sound like much but I gotta celebrate every one legged achievement I can these days!

6/17/00

WEEKEND UPDATE

• Manzruin in town?:

Heya, rumor has it that our dear bloke 'Ruin should be in town. I was in charge of this mission a few weeks ago but then that big fuckin truck ran me arse up, I haven't been much use since. Anyhu, if anyone knows wassap, gimmie a heads up so I don't look like I'm just sittin here;-)

• New section to the UTMC page soon:

I had a strange dream one afternoon in the sling pokey. It was a spoof on fight club, but instead of fighting being th big deal, it was nasty injuries obtained in motorcycle crashes. Coming soon to the UTMC page:

In other news, my leg hurts like hell.

6/15/00

• I'm outta da sling pokey!:

For everyone who hasn't heard, I'm outta da hospital and happy to be home. For anyone who is saying to themselves "huh? hospital?", on saturday, may 27th, a moron in a huge 4x4 truck, (you know, the big ones that have the dually wheels in da back and make the suv's look tiny) ran a red light, thereby turning your webmaster here into a hood ornament. My mint 1996 BMW R850 Roadster with 6 months left on the warranty is toast. The tibia and fibula in my left leg have two fractures each, my hip has a spider fracture, I got a small concussion, some abbrasions to my forehead, my ribcage is bruised badly and my upper left thigh muscles were smashed to ground beef. Also, I now have a a steel rod through the center of the larger of the two bones in my lower leg, multiple screws and also multiple screws and a steel plate in my hip. I can't walk for 3 months and can't ride for 4. There is a bit of shell shock (P.T.S.D.) swimming through my head. For those of you who have no idea what shell shock is, it's the fantastic psychological thing that can happen to you when something really horrible happens. It will make you laugh from excessive pain, cry for no reason and give you hallucinations of babies that have been drowned in old washing machines and stapled to death. In other words, it's really pretty fucked up. So other than that I'm fookin greight! Really, I'm just happy to be home and getting my life put back together. My dear Lisa is taking really good care of me too, so no need to flood the place with care packages.

Also, to everyone who visited me during my hospital stay, sent me email, greeting cards, posted on the message board, signed my shirt and pants and brought that big bunny wif da bump on it's head, THANK YOU! Without all of you I'm sure my road to recovery would have been much, much more difficult! I couldn't ask for better friends, seriously! I hope all of you know how great it is to have a bunch of friends to replace the pain with laughter, you guys rock!

• Kellen off to London monday:

Heya folx, word has it that our very own Kellen, the six foot tall orangehair chick we all know and love will be leaving for London on Monday. I'd organize a big going away gig but I'm under house quarrantine for a couple more weeks. With any luck she'll be able to send us a couple of the killer bikey rags like Streetfighter and BSH. We'll return the favor by sending her some Kamel Red Lights, since they don't have em on the other side of the pond. Let's all wish her a safe and happy trip eh.

• Fuckin Trucks Fuckin Suck:

5/25/00

• One last hurrah with The RevD and Toto:

RevD and Toto are packing up and on the way back to SanFran today, we'll be meeting at the Denver Diner at colfax and Speer for the farewell breakfast at 8am if anyone wants to join. It's been great time having them her and hey, let's hope we convinced em to move out here eh?

• Eric and Brooke NOT actually in the mountains:

It would appear that your faithful editor has fallen for the smacks of the rumor mill again. It turns out that Eyeball and his sweetheart are still living in the city, so no excuses for not calling them for motorcycle or breakfast shenanigans. If you need their number just give me a call.

• Drag Racing????:

Apparently there is open class drag racing at Bandomier Speedway. I got the heads up from Squeetor last night. It's 10 bux to watch and 25 to race, smokkin!

5/24/00

• CONGRADULATIONS AMES AND JESS!:

It's official, in the wee hours yesterday morning Jess gave birth to a healthy baby boy, Ronin Seth Prather! Let's all give em a big congrats! On a side note, Ames is gonna try to get to the premire of Mission Impossible 2 tonight, anyone interested in joining should give him a call asap!

• Mad sushi tonight!:

Actually, we may be breaking from tradition and doing mad steak or ribs or something. Regardless, if you wanna join, call me before 7pm and I'll give ya the lowdown on when and where, if I'm not home just leave a message and I'll get back to you towards the evening. The RevD and Toto leave thursday morning, so if you haven't met em this will be your last chance eh.

• Spyder is off:

In the wee hours of the morning Spyder left for [CLASSIFIED]. He'll be there for an undisclosed amount of time and then back here for a bit. God speed man, hope to see you soon!

• New article up:

I just posted a new article on how to get out of speeding tickets, the tactics mentioned have worked for me 7 out of 8 times. Hopefully they will work for you too.

5/23/00

• RevD and Toto of the 893 to be scopin out da scene, lookin for digs:

They arrived safe last night and we even got in a few hours at Paris slurpin down coffee and catching up. Today it's off to breakfast and out on the town. There is a good chance they'll be moving here so they're lookin at places to live and the campus and all that. Remember folx, tommorrow night is mad sushi, don't miss out!

• Ames in Labor!:

Last night the word from Ames was that Jessica was in labor and wiht any luck they should have a baby boy by now! Mucho Congrats! I'll see if can get an update soon!

• Spyder to be on hiatus:

Our favorite arachnid will be going out of town for an undisclosed length of time in the next day or so, lets wish him a good trip and hope for his safe and speedy return!

5/22/00

• RevD and Toto of the 893 to arrive tonight!:

They should be getting in pretty late and probably won't be up for much partying. First thing tomorrow morning we're heading to Pete's Kitchen for chicken fried steak and eggs! All are welcome to join, it'll be around 8:30am or thereabouts. So far the plan for the week is relatively vague, we'll be at all the local haunts in the evenings tho. It looks like Wednesday will be the night for the bigass sushi indulgence, So call me soon if ya want to be there, gotta make reservations eh.

• 2xD's ZX7 toast:

Unfortunately, our brother Jeremy's Ninja has once again gone all fubar. I won't get into the gory details, but it looks like he'll need a new motor. He mentioned he may be getting a new frame and motor and just transferring all the existing parts over. Good luck Jeremy, I have a garage if ya need some room for wrenching.

• New articles up:

I'd like to welcome two new writers to the UTMC, Dallas and Reverend Jon:

Dallas is a resident of Philadelphia and the proud owner of a new Kawasaki ZR7. He's been on bikes since the age of 16 and doesn't drive cars. He is also the drummer for the kickass punk band Thorazine. You can read reviews about Thorazine here, see their videos here, or buy CD's here. Check out his article "Soup is good food" in the features section

Rev. Jon is 30 years old, hacks code for a living and has recently finished a masters degree in mathematics at Drexel University. He runs the Malcontent Yuppie Biker's Homepage, and is also an ordained minister in the Universal Life Church. The Reverend's hobbies include dabbling in art, music, winemaking and fiction writing. He rides his ass off on his little black Sportster whenever possible. You can find his article, "Why cars should be more dangerous" in the features section.

If any of you out there reading this have an article, rant, or some photos of a smokkin bike, send em in and there's a good chance it'll get posted here and published in Motorcycho!

5/18/00

• RevD and Toto of the 893 to invade next week:

This just in to the UTMC newsroom:

"The tea leaves have spoken- its time for me and Toto to head out to Denver. Metro is looking pretty good right now, so we'll want to be scoping out neighborhoods and employment while we're there. We're gonna drive rather than ride the bike, so Toto doesn't have to do her school thing while
dressing out of a saddlebag. I got busy on the internet and hooked up a rental car to drive out there (my pickup is a little tired for a 2600 mile week) and a cheap hotel to stay in, so we won't be needing to crash with anybody. Let the party commence! I hope to be hitting town Monday evening, and we'll be embracing the mile-high-city until probably Fri am or Thurs pm.

I'll miss having my bike up there- I always imagined I would show up on my bike someday, covered in bugs. I guess the day that I line up at a stop light alongside the denizens of Denver and represent Old Speed Triple stylee will have to come another time, but for now I can't wait to see the
city and meet some good folks.

Whats a good place to grab coffee on a Tuesday in Denver? Bark again soon. -rev-d-"

There ya have it folx! We got some very special guests comin to town! Let's fire up the BBQ's, make reservations at the sushi joint and scare all the damn yuppies away, Let the preperations commence! Between RevD and Toto this month and Manzruin next month this is turning out to be a helluva spring eh? Bring it on!

• Lanesplitting 101:

Here's a link to a killer article on Motorcycle Online about the fine art of lane splitting! Do try this at home kids:

http://www.motorcycle.com/mo/mclaw/split.html

• More new articles in the next day or so:

Well, we've done it! You readers wanted more articles and writers so I rammed me greazy mits into the world out there abd got some new stuff for ya to read! I'll be posting it up all this week. It starts off with the UTMC mission statement and there's many more goodies to come so stay tuned!

Weekend update

5/13/00

• Manzruin to visit Denver:

The guy who brought you the Bad Motorcycles For Bad People page will be here next month!! Although this may throw a bit of a wrench into me and Dr. Jason's upcoming road venture it'll be well worth it! Here's the details from 'Ruin himself:

"I'm going to be in Denver around the 18th of June. Hoping to get there by the 17th, but at least by the 18th. Will be in town at least 3 days. If all goes as planned, I should be arriving on a camo-painted GS1000. Going to the all harley drags on the 17th and 18th (yeah yeah I know, like going to see old ladies strip), but I'm going to see the world's fastest handshifter--120ci evo chopper with jockey shift/suicide clutch--with a bunch of other guys I'm meeting up with there. Should be around long enough to hang with just about anyone there who's up for it."

So lets warm up the bikes, stock some beer in the fridge, fire up the BBQ's and pull out the couches!

• Motorcycho doing a new article on crashing:

Our flippy headed Canaidian brotha Norman is slappin together a new article on motorcycle wrecks, he needs you strangest, scariest, messiest and most expensive crash stories! I'll start a new thread on the message board with one of my own, please contribute! Pinball and Pavement; you guys better submit on this one, EH?

• Fistfull of Donuts gets copyrighted:

Just got the official stampt government stuffe' last night! We're ready to rumble!

• Gone for the weekend:

In case ya didn't know, me and Lisa are celebrating our 6th anniversay this weekend! So We'll be awol til monday. If any crazy shit is up I'll catch it next week.

• Some New Articles Up

Yep, some new stuff for ya to read! One from Patrick Inniss and one from yours truly. Also, watch for more cool articles in the next few days!

5/12/00

• Pinball crashes again....see pavement for details:

That was the email I got, no pun intended I'm sure. Here's the bad word from brother Pavement about this nasty reoccurance of road abuse:

"it seems my place to be the bearer of bad news... another shiny new sport bike has been pitched into the abyss (or, off the road into a feild, after a few cart wheels, anyway...). yep, you heard it right, pinball dug another ride. the road took a gradual sweep to the left, pinball opted for a sharp, full throttle right. that makes 2 100mph+ high side crunches in one month, both costing a brand new rocket (and, as a side note, both crashs happened on left hand turns... coincedence?...).
it brings his over all tally to an average of one nasty spill every two months (4 crashes, 3 of wich where high side, in his eight month riding career). last night i got to see what an R6 looks like, when liberally spread over about 20 meters. pinball is ok, his worst injury involving the self inflicted tongue wound. i fear, tho, that his regulare head traumas (usually resulting in at least a mild concussion) are going to do little to improve his riding prowess. anyone interested in extending there sympathys, or making cash donations can contact pinhead at jks@rmi.net. anyone of a sharper mind, that wishes to help me in disabling his GPz, and thus keep him off the road for a bit, can contact me at pavementpan@hotmail.com or 303-859-6169. "

The bike may not be totalled, only time and a good mechanic will be able to figure that out. If you guys can get me some photos of the bike, or photos of any of the other bikes I'll name a new section of the UTMC page after Pinball, as he seems to have outdone the rest of us. Hope ya heal up fast man, you still got one running bike. I gotta say, if Pinball had a thing for nuclear physics, we'd be in for a brutal half million years.

• New Slimey Crud Run pix from Manzruin:

For those of you who have gazed at the Slimey Crud Run pix of recent years, Manzruin has the new ones up for doubleaught. Be sure to check out the pix from the other years if ya haven't seen em before. For those of you who have never heard of the SCR, it's a ride/rally sorta thing up in Wisconsin to celebrate the breaking of seasons and the joy of riding in cold wet slop. You can check it all out here:

http://www.angelfire.com/wi/manzruin/3crudrun1.html

• Eyeball heads to the hills:

Recent rumor is that Eyeball Eric has shipped up to the mountains with his sweetheart to take care of her and the coming baby. I have yet to bark at him and confirm this, but hey, my sources are pretty reliable eh? Between Eyeball, Ames and Crazy rob it looks like all the girls in town may end up with a belly full of arms and legs!

4/26/00

• Bike mods after you've already paid an arm and a leg:

What do you do if you've lost a limb, or been missing one since birth? Most bikes are set up for folx with two arms, two legs, and a head potruding from their chest, but life isn't always fair, so how do you ride in the event something happens? I found this page:

http://www.nabd.org.uk/

It's the page for The National Association for Bikers with Disability. Here's abit about them:

"The NABD was set up in April 1991 by a small group of people in Manchester who believed that disabled people should have full access to the independence and enjoyment of motorcycling. During the past eight years, this unique Association has developed immensely. The membership of the NABD has increased to over 2,500 individuals from all over Britain and Eire, withwell over 200 affiliated clubs, groups and businesses."

They have some pretty cool custom rides on the page, as well as alot of very useful info.

• Road & Crack:

One of my evil addictive habits as of late hase been collecting the "Road & Track" series of 1:18th scale motorcycles by Maisto.

These toys are relatively accurate and detailed toys of mostly newer model bikes. I'm up to about 80 of em now, it can be pretty addictive. They are made from metal and plastic, have steerable forks, springy rear suspension and they only cost two bucks at walmart. Yeah, a reason to go to walmart, scary huh?

WEEKEND UPDATE

4/21/00

• Nuthin like the feel of a harley givin ya a wedgie:

I figured when Barbie got her own fat boy that this whole 'american bike' thing was really goin down the toilet. I wasn't too far off I guess, since it just made it into the underwear! No shit, I'm wandering through Ebay and what do I find?

Harley-Davidson Underwear,new, Size L (14/16)

Yeah, harley underwear! I can just hear the slogans now:

I'd rather push my underwear than ride a jap bike

Better to have a bro cross dress than wear jap underwear

Live to ride up, ride up to live

My underwear, an american legend

You can have my underwear when you pry it from my cold, dead, crack

This is beyond stupid, I bet the lines at Wal-Mart are a mile long with idiots buying these things! I bet harley could make a ton if they sold ladies panties that vibrated! I guess they must have test marketed harley daipers, too bad they leaked! What next, harley tampons??

• RUB voodoo dolls:

Speaking of harley barbie, here the little plastic boobed bitch is with her yuppie boy ken:

They make pretty good voodoo dolls! Hmm...I'll have to sit down at the market with a few of these dolls, some pins, a lighter, a hacksaw, yeah. Maybe I'm goin a bit too far with this, but c'mon, look at this crap! barbie and ken as bikers??? Yeah right, what kind of bikers live in a fucking pink house!

• Gonna give em back their Hiros:

Ok, first of all, I can't read whatever language this page is written in,

http://www.lares.dti.ne.jp/~pop/main.html

And let's face it, how many bikers out there can read at all eh? So anyhu, I stumbled across this page and found some pretty cool movies. They're short ones, but some are reallly funny MX crashes, worth a look if you can view mpegs:

4/17/00

• Finally, some new articles eh:

Yeah well, I gotta get off my arse sooner or later and regergitate all these meanderings somewhere! There's a nice happy article about the nazi...er, i mean confederate motorcycle company, Some new book reviews courtosey of Pavement, a new music review on a Brethren Fast album, and Brotha Rue of the 893 gives us tips on how to remove tread from the rear tire. Ya want more? I got several new articles comin your way, more book and music reviews and maybe even some contributions from writers new to this page. Stay tuned, spring is here and there's tons of goodies to come!

• Searching for Guiseppe:

This is a new movie in production that sounds pretty cool, I 'll let the press release tell ya bout it tho:

This is a film about us (Karen and Zachary) searching for the essence of motorcycling, and finding it, in a forgotten engineering pioneer from the 1920's, Giuseppe Guzzi. Giuseppe was a man who, more than anything else, wanted to be on his bike traveling to new places, exploring new lands and meeting new people.

Background

1928-1929 Giuseppe Guzzi perfected a rear suspension system for his brother's motorcycle company, Moto Guzzi. At that time the general public considered rear suspension on a motorcycle unstable, or equal to bad road handling, but Giuseppe was determined to prove them wrong.

After mounting the prototype suspention on his own motorcylce, Giuseppe set out to prove the bike's durability by riding from Italy to the Northern tip of Norway and back. He accomplished his goal, and the sprung frame entered Moto Guzzi's production line the very next year with their first, Gran Tourismo or GT. The motorcycle was nicknamed the "Norge" after Giuseppe's successful ride to Norway.

It had always been a dream of his to travel to Scandinavia, and now he had designed himself a motorcycle that could take him there.

1935 Giuseppe's frame design was tested in the public arena, when the Irishman, Stanley Woods raced to victory on a "sprung frame" Moto Guzzi at the Isle of Man Tourist Trophy, the most popular road race in the world. This was a double victory because Moto Guzzi was the first European motorcycle marque to win at the Isle of Man outside the UK since the races first began. It was also momentous because Moto Guzzi was also the first company to win using a bike with rear suspention, Giuseppe's 1928 design. The next year, most of the other major motorcycle marques began using their own rear suspension designs. Giuseppe proved to the world that rear suspension was here to stay.

1950's Moto Guzzi used updated versions of Giuseppe's suspension on almost all the motorcycles they produced well into the late 1950's. Durivatives of his under the frame suspension can be found on new bikes today, one example being on the new Buell motorcycle.

Pretty cool eh? You can read more about it here:

http://www.13pt.net/users/giuseppe/

4/17/00

• Stupid! Stupid laws:

This one courtosey of Aaron Da Cop, somehow he found this page filled with all of the really dumb laws in affect. Pretty funny, kinda odd, I don't think I understand the one about cats being fitted with tailights tho.

http://www.dumblaws.com/states/colorado.shtml

• Got Goose:

Everyone here has seen Mad Max right? NO? YOU! THE GUY THAT JUST SAID NO, GET OUT!

Anyhu, everyone here has seen Mad Max right? Ok well if you ever had any questions about the bike that Goose rides, I just found the page for ya:

http://www.madmaxmovies.com/cars/madmax/goose.html

And to think, these guys are freakin over some silly V-eights!

4/15/00

WEEKEND UPDATE

• Have yeh got aneh grease?

Here's a heads up sent in by Manzruin , all I can say is who do I give the ten g's to:

This bike is made by Dr. Rob Tululie, a all around rocket scientist and roadracing lunatic extrordinare. The name of the bike is the "Tule-Aris" which I think is German for " You're gonna get yer arse tooled on". Lets here it for the ubergeek labcoats of doom, may they be the bulders of our next bikes! You can drool more and see past projects here

• The Mensa fun test:

Here's a link to the Mensa online test. It wont qualify you to get in, but it may make your head explode. Worth a shot if ya wanna see how good you are at problem solving.

• Earl Grey Tea ratings:

Kudos to Big Dave for sending this in:

http://www.concentric.net/~Dusted/EarlGrey/Listing.html

It's a page with ratings on the best to the worst Earl Grey tea. I know we are more of a coffee bunch, but Earl Grey has a pretty substantial caffinne rating so it's worth noting.

4/12/00

• Over 10K hits!

WOOHOOO!!!!! The UTMC page has passed that big number of 10,000!!! Just look at all those zeros stackin up! Thanks so much for your support everyone, and stay tuned, I got some killer treats comin in the next month or so.

• Hold on, I'll go get you a towel

Take a looksie at this eh.

You can find out more aboot this pure machine here. Now go get some clean underwear.

4/12/00

• Totinos Pizzas Back to Normal:

It appears that my report a few months ago that Totinos Party Pizzas no longer had the killer flavor was a only a temporary problem. I had a few of them over the last week and a half and they taste like they used to, groovy.

4/10/00

• Ninga Chick goes Triumph

This just in! I got an email this morning from our sweetie Mellissa, apparently she has picked up a new bike! Let the drooling commence:

Way to go Mel!!! Does this mean we'll be seeing you this summer???

• Bikers with brainz??:

Next time somebody tells you that bikers are just a bunch of illiterate barbarians, show em THIS! Then punch all their teeth out.

• Ski Kawasaki:

Here's a cool page I dug up on my meanderings around the web, lotsa cool burnout, corner, crash and wheelie photos. Also, I forbid Pinball to look at this page.

4/3/00

• Bad toys for bad people:

So Playmobil has apparently put out a product that offends bikers, no shit. Some folx at the Motorcycle Riding Foundation are pretty burned up by the marketing and ideology behind THIS toy. It depicts a 'biker' breaking out of jail and the cops going after him! It even shows kids that it's OK to knock a bike over on it's side! Bad Playmobil!

• Guns For Nuns:

Yeah, and you thought you were strange! Check out this page for a few laughs! You can even join if ya like.

• The Poser Page:

The other day I found this, The Rec.Moto Poser page. Pretty funny stuff, it's various photos sent in by denzeins of the newsgroup rec.moto. Worth a look.

Sometime near the end of March

• DAMN! I SLEPT THROUGH MY FUCKIN ALARM AGAIN!!!

Hey! What the hell happened?!?!? Yeah right, like you guys are gonna believe that lame excuse eh. Your first question is probably:

"Dude, why the fuck haven't you updated the damn page in two months?"

Let me try and answer that in the best way I know how:

The shit was all up and I had opportunities and responsibilities eh!

Ok, so the second thing you wanna say is:

"Damn! You're just a slackassed bitch!"

And to that I'll answer this:

Just so ya know I haven't been slacking on riding at all, as a matter of fact I'e even riddedin most of the snowstorms and managed to do a little work on the roadster. I've also been reading alot of books, mostly motorcycle related but a few others too. I've been workin like a dog on the same damn web project for work for the last three months and made almost no progress in getting the project near a final cantidate ( that can happen when you're a fuckin art monkey for your day job). Lotsa other shit goin on too. But I'm back now, I got some smokkin articles to slap up, some killer book reviews, the inside scoop on all kinds of stupid shit and more pictures of green space chicks on bikes than you can shake your dong at:

Seriously tho, I'm back on the Ether so stay tuned for regular updates eh.

• The fine art of tree surfing:

Apparently, Pinball tree'd his ride, no shit. At speeds somewhere around 130mph he had a nasty thrash and ended up whackin his ride up a mountain. Word has it that Pinball is ok, with only minor dmamge. Pavement and Pinball himself have the full story so I'll be quizzing them on just what the fuck happened, there may be some grizzly photos soon too.

• Your very own red Akira bike for only a hundred bux:

I've been spending a bit of time and money on Ebay lately, I think I have around 70 or more die cast motorcycles, some motorcycle stamps, a service manual for my sweethearts Zundapp, a couple of cool old bike ads, the movie Akira on video CD and some other cool shit. One of the things I gave up bidding on was this:

This is a 1/32 scale toy of the bike from the movie Akira, pretty fuckin sweet eh? I dropped out of the bidding when it hit 65 bux, I can only spend so much dough on toy bikes after all. But if you're thinkin "Man, I'd spend a hundred to have one!" then you'd still be about 4 bux and change short. Yeah, it ended up goin for $104.07, no shit. So if you really gotta have one you have two choices:

There is another one up for auction here

)r, you can wait a couple of months for one from McFarlane toys:

More info on this one here.

More news updates soon, also some new articles are in almost ready. And yeah, the gallery is

real damn close, I got some photos, just need some text to go widdit eh. Stay tuned!

1/31/00

• 2xD gets bashed by a roadtank, he's ok tho:

More crap from the cagers. It seems 2xD was drivin along and an idiot in a dodge ( gofigure ) truck ran him off the road. He survived with no damage but the bike is a bit thrashed, he's ok tho, that's the important part eh. Filming on the movie will be on hold for a short time, good for me tho, I need a bit more time to get the hang of some new goodies for the camera. Now about that bald front tire that 2xD has on the bike, everyone give him a hearty smack upside the head.

• New Guitar Wolf movie out in Japan:

Well I got the scoop on this mad new flick and it looks like it will be worth the wait. The movie is called Wild Zero and is all about badass bikes, guns, zombies and it stars the boys from everyones favorite 'blast yer fuckin ears outta yer head' band, Guitar Wolf. Here are some photos I managed to snag from a japanese site:

You can check out a review at TokyoPop: http://www.tokyopop.com/tokyopop/content/street/features/9908/zero.asp

1/19/00

• Squeetor and the Dr are back and hungover:

They blasted back into town with a truck full of beemer bits and bit of recovery to do. The trip went well and a new motorcycle monstrosotyis in the works. Mucho thanx to Manzruin for showin our boys the town!

• Progress going well on the motorcycle flick:

We have two scenes and the opening title sequence ready to rock, also four smokkin Denver bands have agreed to have their music in the flick. The movie may not end up in the bald gold staue awards but it looks as though it's gonna turn out pretty well! Anyone local wanting to be in the flick aughtta send me an email and be ready to work for donuts. Got more filming to do this weekend, I'll have another update soon.

• Harley to upgrade to 20th century technology:

Found this article that sez that HD might actually start making water cooled engines, way to go guys. It's about time, heck, maybe in a couple hundred more years they'll move up to inverted forx. Seriously tho, if this is true it could mean good things.

http://www.motorcycleworld.co.uk/NEWS/NEWS.asp?page=Latest+News&id=347

1/17/00

• Squeetor and the Dr to return soon:

The good word from Manzruin is that the Dr. and Squeetor are on the long road back and should be in the hood soon. All appears to have gone well with the pickup of the goodz ( a /5 BMW) and there appear to be some xtra souveneers too.

• 1300 Zeds at the Finnish line:

I can't read a friggin word at this website but Finland knows how to do up a Zed. It's all 1300 bix six Zeds all the time, worth a look.

http://www.heo.fi/~fuskjan/z1300/

• BigBroadGuerrillaMonsterMoves:

Recently checked out this site and got one of the movies, seriously whacked shit man. I got 'Sore Losers' on DVD, has some excellent parts including a half naked babe who lifts a chrome Triumph over her head. A huge thanx to Manzruin for this heads up.

http://www.bigbroad.com/home.html

1/13/00

• Squeetor and the Dr on their way to WI:

Squeet and the Doc are on their way to Wisconsin to pick up a new ride for Squeetor. Hopefully we'll get a status report to make sure all is well. With any luck they'll be hangin with Manzruin for a bit , checkin out the harley factory and visiting the house on a rock. Good luck guys and good speed.

• Your daily dose of sacralidge:

Here's a funny one someone sent to me recently:

http://www.jesusdance.com/

• Pinball scores a new ride:

Word on the street has it that our dear friend Pinball just picked up a brand slappin new Kawasaki zx7. So when do we get to see it eh??

• Rear sets galore:

This heads up in from Justin M. It's a pretty groovy site with lotso goodies, they rear sets for most bikes and other stuff lke pipes, worth a long look:

http://www.raask.se/ind-eng.htm

1/1/00

• I guess I won't need all that y2k stuff after all:

Happy new year all, it would appear that everyone and everything survived. I'll be spending today puttting away the hockey mask, leather spiked codpiece, sawed off shotgun, etc, etc,... Oh well, I'm sure we'll get armageddon of some sort eventually;-) I'm really wishing I could see the looks on the faces of all the whacko survivalists who boxed themselves in for the night, bet they are dissapointed! Well, I couldn't ask for more, the weather here is nice and the bike is running great.

• Road tank: 1 , Biker Scum: 0, crap:

Just got an email from or good friend Dan Lubell of the Biker Scum MC, and it's bad news;-( Dan is alive but his arms are smashed up and so is his bike. Here's the scoop:

CRASH! 2 forearms broken near my wrists, VFR totaled, and no cars pulled over to take responsibility for sideswiping me and forcing me into a very solid feeling Jeep Cherokee.

I will give more details later. also, i am not using caps since typing is hard without hands.

i am in two arm casts thanks to a cager. see pics:

no pics of the totaled VFR, though. i tried to paint my casts to match the fallen bike!

-dan

If you have a moment send Dan a get well soon email atthis adress I'm sure it'll help him feel alot better! On another side note it also seems Dan may be moving to Colorado! More news on that if it happens.

• New webpage info:

Pinball has whooped together a webage, pretty cool too. You can check it out here:

http://www.crosswinds.net/~pinball69

Kellen kicked me down an email letting me know that her and Ara will be doing a webpage soon, more news on that as it happens.

12/17/99

• It looks like Dave may have a photo gallery up before me;-) :

Some groovy redesign and a few photos of some of our bunch up at Dave's Place. It appears he may also have a photo gallery up soon, too groovy man! Head on over and check it all out

http://home.earthlink.net/~drenwick/index.html

• Mount a laser gun on your bike? :

I found this as I was searching around for some smokkin bike mods, it's a real portable laser gun. It's a bit pricey and a fist through the window of the offending car may be easier, but if you wanna feel like Flash Gordon this may be your ticket. Head about halfway down the page to see what I'm yakkin about.

http://www.amazing1.com/laser4.htm

•Weather to be nice this weekend :

Word has it the weather is supposed to be in the 50's this weekend so get that ride all cleaned up and ready to roll. On the good side it appears that most of the streets downtown are relatively gravel free. I'm gonna be doing some ridin g and hopefully some filming for the new movie.

12/13/99

• Look just like the Village People:

For those of you that aren't satisfied with knee high motorcycle boots, I have found a cure. Whether it be that you Get drafts on the inner thigh when riding at -50. Or maybe you need to make an extra buck or two hoin' yerself out on colfax. Or possibly you were going to have a long conversation with some of the folx we know so well. Well, here are the boots you need:

Head on over toBigBlack Boots

• Wet Leather :

Here's a cool page for folx riding in the northwest of the US and in Canada. It's got some cool riding and crashing stories.

12/9/99

• Where to get a RooF lid :

Here's where you can get some of the killer goodz seen on the Thunderchild page. It looks like a Roof Boxer helmet will run around $350US, so start saving fellas.

http://www.neworder-uk.com/

• Used leather joint online :

This link kicked down to me from the Dr. Pretty groovy place, they even got gloves and stuff

http://members.aol.com/MotorLE/

• Ames Hates Red Dwarf :

Seriously folx, we gotta talk to the man, I'm not sure what the deal is with him.

12/7/99

• OUT COLD :

Here's the heads up for anyone who lives in a cave. I went to the Dr last week. No, not Dr. Jason, I was at his place the sunday before the tuesday of which I speak of. Anyhu, on this tuesday which I'm now speakin of , me and my sweetheart went to the doctor cause we both had coughs and felt kinda like shit. So the doctor gives her an inhaler and some yummy codine cough syrup. I had no such luck. The Doc takes a couple of chest xrayz and tells me I'm lookin at a pretty short middle age with no hope for retirement. My lungs look like I'm farming fuckin cotton in em and if I don't quit smoking I'm looking at the big sleep in 5-10 years. Maybe he's exaggerating, I don't give a fuck, I'm quitting smoking. I'm even gonna try to eat healthy and work out and all that crap, I'm sick of feeling my creaky old 26 years. So It's now been a week since then, I've recouped from days of delerium (my sweetie was nice enough to share the codine cough syrup) and I've only had three ciggarettes. That's pretty good for a guy who usually smox a pack or two a day eh? Anyhu, I'm back and I'll be making all those additons and changes and updayse to the page I've been yakkin about.

• The BMW Conspiracy :

It looks like Dave uncovered some Area51/ X-Files kinda stuff. I'd like to see someone in the government try to deny this eh? Maybe all the mutilated cows were actually mutilated Kaws'!

• Maybe get one o' those funky French lidz :

Here's another one of those grooooovy places online that can get all the goodz we like to find. Roof helmets, anti pollution face scarvez and some way too expensive frenchie leather threadz. I got an email into em to find out when we can order goodies and I'll keep everyone up to date.

http://www.t-child.com/

12/4/99

•FUCKIN FUCKER FUCK FUCKOFF MOTHERFUCKER FUCKIN FUCK FUCKLESS FUCKFEST FUCKER FUCK FUCK FUCKHEAD FUCKYOU FUCKIT FUCKYOURMOM FUCKSTER FISTFUCK FACEFUCK BUTTFUCK MOTHERFUCK FUCKSHITFUCK FUCK EVERYTHING FUCK THE WORLD FUCK METERMAIDS FUCK COPS FUCK USED

CAR DEALERSHIPS FUCK CARS AND VANS AND DOUBLE FISTFUCK SUVS AND FUCKIN VOVLOS TOO, YEAH AMES, THAT INCLUDES YOUR FUCKIN FUCKED UP VOLVO TOO! FUCK BILL GATES RICH FUCKING NERDY FUCKED FUCKED UP FUCKHEAD FUCKFACE GEEK, BEAT HIM UP FOR HIS LUNCH MONEY LITTLE FUCK! FUCK BIG BUSSINESS, FUCK INDUSTRY, FUCK CHARITY, FUCK WELFARE, FUCK EVERYTHING.

FUCK QUITTING SMOKING I FUCKING HATE QUITTING FUCKING SMOKING! HOPE RJ REYNOLDS FUCKIN GO FUCK OFF A FUCKIN CLIFF FUCKIN PHILLIP MORRIS FUCKER SHOULD CHOKE TO DEATH ON HIS OWN FUCKIN FUCKJUICE FUCKER! I FUCKIN HATE FUCKIN EVERYTHING RIGHT FUCKIN NOW AND I WANT A FUCKIN CIGGARAETTEEE!!!!!!!!!! FFFFFUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The preeceding message was a public service of the UTMC and Dan's dealing with quitting smoking. It was an emergency, It was only an emergency, if it would have been a test I'd be smoking a fucking ciggarretteee right fuckin NOW! I'M FUCKIN LOSING MY FUCKIN MIND HERE!!!!

AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK!

11/22/99

• Snow?? :

The fluffy white shit is falling again, time to get out there and tear it up if ya got a bike that can take the abuse! Unfourtunately my YSR50 is still a battery and a disc brake away from snow romping, I'll have to remedy that soon. Anyhu, if you do get out in the stuff get a couple of photos and I'll post em on the snow riding gallery I'm slappin together.
• Stick up motorcycles? :

Here's a streetfighter shop out of New York, maybe we won't have to pay mad shipping costs for those badass UK GSXR frames now eh?

http://www.stick-up.com/

• New Camera, time for shooting :

Well I finally got the new DV movie camera so we won't have to film everything in 15 second blips, not to mention the quality on this one is much better. If you know anyone in the market for a used digital camera lemmie know, I gotta get rid of my old one.

11/17/99

• Check out Cycle Alchemy :

How about a gas turbine powered bike?

You can see this and more at Cycle Alchemy, they even have some cool tech info. Check em' out

• New movie in the works:

I have a new movie in the works about 2 guys on bikes lookin for donuts. It'll be my first actual feature film and the quality aughtta be good. So far I have the screenplay done, some actors ready and I'll be grabbing a new camera soon. I'll keep everyone posted on progress.

11/16/99

• BSH is up online! :

Heya, for those of you that dug Awol remember the mag that they merged into? Back Street Heroes. Well, they have a web page up and stomin right here. They have a little more focus on the cruiser type machine but you'll find the usual assortment of streetfighters and area 51 projects there. Now all we need is for Streetfighters and Performance Bike to get pages up online, or for mthem to get decent US distribution eh?

http://slingshot.uk.com/bsh/

• Clinton to ride out on a Harley:

Just when you thought the news couldn't get any stranger something like this happens-

YORK, Pa. (Reuters) - Forget Air Force One. When Bill Clinton leaves the White House after two terms as president, he wants to leave on a Harley-Davidson motorcycle.

``Most presidents get on Air Force One and ride off into the sunset --maybe I'll just get on a Harley,'' said Clinton, clad in a leather jacket emblazoned with the winged Harley insignia.

``I'm not done yet, but when I am I'm gonna get one of those motorcycles,'' he said on Wednesday during a visit to Harley-DavidsonInc (NYSE:HDI - news).'s (HDI.N) final assembly plant in Pennsylvania which makes the popular motorcycles.

Although he declined invitations by the news media to try out one of the motorcycles he was admiring in the factory, Clinton said Harley-Davidson chief executive Jeff Bleustein had ulterior motives in presenting him with the leather jacket.

``He's giving me a jacket so I'll buy a motorcycle when I leave office. And it worked,'' he said after meeting top company officials and union leaders during a visit to promote global trade.

Clinton later told a cheering crowd of about 2,000 employees that Harley leather jackets held a special place in his heart.

``I had a beautiful Harley jacket before ... that I got in Milwaukee. But I gave it to a guy who worked for me, because he thought he was going to ride to heaven on a Harley-Davidson motorcycle,'' he said to wild applause.

--the lot in front of Starbucks coffee will never be the same

• Barbie gets a fat boy:

Just found this wandering the www, can't believe it. C'mon, now you gotta get on a waiting list to get a toy harley. This is too funny, I bet it doesen't even leak oil! What next for Barbie? Spray-on bugs? Somehow I think this is all just a big "Winter Steel" rip off

"Dizzy your mind and dazzle your senses! Feel the sleek sizzle of chrome in
the sun. Smell the intoxicating whiff of rich black leather. Sleek. Sizzle.
Intoxicating. Dizzy. Slowly open your eyes to behold the arrival of the
ultimate road warrior! It's Barbie's own Harley Davidson Fat Boy - a 1:6th
scale exact replica of the baddest bike in town! Designed especially to fit
Barbie, the legendary Fat Boy features a die-cast chrome-look engine, real
working handle bars, solid disc wheels with front and rear suspension,
fancy floorboards and stylish two-toned fenders in Aztec Orange Pearl and
Diamond Ice Silver - genuine Harley-Davidson colors! Harley Barbie sold
separately.

Reserve Your Harley Now!
Order the Harley Barbie Motorcycle online and receive a certificate that
guarantees automatic free shipping when this collector's piece arrives in
March 2000! While supplies last!

Toysrus.com price: $99.99

Limit 1 per household"

I'm gonna go puke now.

11/15/99

• Yamaha's Batmobile of DOOM:

Just when you though it was safe to put it back in your pants and zip it up, Yamaha does something like this:

That's right, better get a couple more tubes of KY for this one. Apparently they left a steriod pumpin 1600 Roadstar in the garage with a TZ250 overnight with a couple of gallons of spanish fly. The result was what you see here. My bet is that the TZ250 exploded in childbirth. you can read more about it at Motorcycle Online

• Daredevil Bob:

This is pretty funny: http://www.scrantonshopper.com/cubbys/

• I'm a big fuckin slacker:

Yeah, like this news, I haven't made any major updates here in almost a week, yeesh. Well, I made up for it by bringin you two new articles and I added some links on the links page. One of the articles is from Pat Innis, this guy will be contributing his works from time to time here, I think you'll dig his stuff. The other article is from Flamethrower2, he has some sound advice for anyone who can expect to go to the emergency room (like anyone on two wheels). Everyone knows there are two types of bikers, the ones who have been down, and the ones we're gonna kick off their ride if they don't crash soon ;-)

11/8/99

• a cool web site to check out:

Wandering about the world wide wait last night I came upon this page

The Pat Inniss Website

It's a pretty cool site, this guy thinks alot like us. He has some great bike articles and some pretty interesting essays. Definatley worth a look.

• Don't forget to strap a dead dog to your seat:

Here is something I found that is absolutely halarious! I'm not a fan of anything bad happening to animals but you have to laugh at this! For a little backround there is an evil wench in polotics named Joan Claybrook. She was head of the Department of Transportation(DOT) during the Carter administration and is a typical " we all should be wearing helmets and drive 20mph" type. This is a really funny blurb about her supposed "Saftey Motorcycle". BTW, the dog was dead already.

http://www.inspect-ny.com/hog/claybrook.htm

11/5/99

• Cool Custom Shop in Calgary:

Ever wanted a custom shop that would do anything to your bike? I just got this link in, I'm thinkin it may be time for a road trip soon. This company; Saxon Motorcycles specializes in making some really killer shit! Go take a look, and start saving your dough!
• Totinos Party Pizzas- is the quality going down?:

Since my sweetheart is out of town for a week I'm sampling in bachelor food again. I remember the glory days off of living off froxen pizza. The Totinos Part Pizza's were always a favorite, yet they seem to have changed something in the recipe or something. Here I sit with the empty plate and Old Milwaukee beer thinking "It's not the same". Well, maybe it's because my public service hasn't been shut off or something. Oh well.....

11/3/99

• 3000 hits already?:

Geez, if you folx don't calm down I'm gonna start selling ads here! Just kidding! The only ads I'll put up are those that support the cause with bikes and explosives, as for the ad for the DUMP, they supply both in the same two wheeled package;-)

• French Govt Kicks in Inquisition Style:

For anyone who ever speeds or has been caught speeding, be glad you aren't living in France! Apparently if you are caught speeding twice in the same year you can go to jail! Now I know that many of us have been caught speeding fast enough to land us in jail but that was pretty damn fast. These folx can get get thrown in jail for minor speeding offences. If I lived there I'd be on death row for my driving record! You can read more about it at CyberCycleMag

• Crash and Burn!:

Norman over at Motorcycho wants to hear about you best/ worst bike wreck. Send it in and it will probably show up in the next issue of Motorcycho!

11/1/99

• Lost Me Friggin Head!:

Well, it was an interesting weekend. My girlfriend Lisa shaved my head. I'd tell ya more but she was so excited 'bout it she wrote up an article, it's about halfway down the front page and has some 'in progress photos plus a little movie of my reaction. Enjoy.

• A New Place To Buy Shit:

Here's a cool online motorcycle book/movie/gift store I found over the weekend. Lotsa cool stuff here you can't find anywhere else including the "Planet Racers" comic books, Performance Bike videos, Evil Kenivel t-shirts and even a chocolate Beemer.

10/26/99

• Got Yer Movie Right Here:

Hey, I got some complaints that the movies weren't working correctly so I went and fixed em'. I also added my art film "L'Orage", that's "The Storm" in english. The other movies, "When Spyder Attacks" and "When Nothing Happenns" are also available for consumtion. The file sizes on these range from 6 megs to 13 megs, but many think they are worth the wait. Enjoy.

• Pinto's Band To Be At The Bluebird Theatre:

Josh aka Pinto's band, Agegrisomnia is set to play at the Bluebird Theatre Tuesday, November 9th. They will be playing with The Few and Annascoria. It's one big dollar at the door so you can't say you can't afford it eh. You can check out their web page at http://www.fallin.to/aegrisomnia/

10/25/99

›The Fringes of Scociety:

Well, it's been almost a week since the last installment of the news here, my apologies to all readers. The good news is I'm over the cold, fever and I have my voice back. I'm feeling much better! There's a bunch of new news goin on tho so I'm back at the helm of the page and preparing some killer stuff for your consumtion. On major site note is that my old account with Dimensional Communications is gone, DimCom is a killer service provider and I had been with them for years, but me and the girlfriend just got a DSL line to simplify everything into one bill and get our net connection fast enough that I can work form home and play lots of Quake. The old moto667 adress is dead, the new one is scratchy@uswest.net. Also the old moto667 doorway to the page has been sealed, so ya better bookmark the page at http://itchy.itsamac.com.

›Big Fringey Discussion over at Normy's:

Norman Motordaddy of Motorcycho Zine has abig gnarly discussion about fringe going on at his page. Head on over there and spank in your 2 cents about how much you hate/ love fringe.

›Added The Wave:

I added "The Wave", an article previously only seen in Motorcycho about the social habit of bikers on the road waving to eachother. It's a good read and pretty funny, not to mention it's got a bit of soapboxing from yours truly, give it a read.

›Gay panic or redneck rampage?:

So one of the more disturbing things in the read this morning was an article about the defense in the Matthew Shepard murder case. For those of you who don't keep up on the news here in the US, a couple of guys kidnapped and beat to death a gay college student in Laramie, Wyoming. Yeah, you'd think in Wyoming, a state known for where the cowboys screw sheep you'd think they would be a little more understanding of alternative lifestyles. Anyhu, one of the defendant's( that's the politically correct name here for cold blooded murderers) is trying to claim that he was a victim of 'gay panic', a state of mind that makes you kidnap and murder someone just because they like the same sex. Well, here at the UTMC, we like to call that behavior 'Redneck Rampage', a concept that goes back to the movie Easyriders and really way before that! It's when a couple of ignorant rural folk decide they want to go fuck with someone who is different and then let their god forgive them on sunday. Well, if they get away with this I say we all have just grounds to claim 'Volvo Panic' or 'Minivan Panic' or 'SUV Panic' the next time some stupid cager pisses us off and we kill them eh?.That's my rant for the day, let's hope this bastard gets the chair, ZZZZAAAAAPPPPPP!

10/20/99

›Saw the show, got the shirt, met the band, lost my voice:

Me and Kell got to the Tavern just in time to see "The Woggles", not really our type of music. They sounded alright, but the stage presence was real odd. Next up was the band we were there to see, Guitar Wolf! The guys from GW played it hard and loud as hell, my ears are still ringing. They played a bunch of songs from their latest album "Jet Generation", including the title track, teenage UFO, Fujiyama Attack, Cyborg Kids and a cover of Summertime Blues. They also did some of their older stuff from previous volumes.

Gunning the crowd with their gutars, climbing the walls, screaming in broken english and rattling what little insulation there was out of the ceiling they put on a incredible show. The lyrics to most of the songs are japanese with a little english sprinkled in for good measure. It's kind of nuts really, these guys could have been singing a recipie for beef stroganoff and most of us in the crowd wouldn't have known the difference. It's the way of the music tho, with alot of the best punk you can't really tell what the lyrics are, the lyrics aren't really as important as the message of the music itself.

As per the usual stage performance with GW, Seiji ( lead vocal and guitarist) pulled a member of the crowd on stage to play in one of the songs. Last time I saw this done it was amazing, the guy he chose couldn't play gutar and was very nervous, he learned how to play tho, incredible, it was fuckin religous.

At monday nights show however, Seiji happened to pick the drunkest, goofiest bafoon in the crowd. The guy couldn't stand up on his own and wasn't really all there. Kinda sad really, the guy had the chance of a lifetime for something cool and not only was completely drunk, but probably won't even remember it. Oh well, it was at least good for some serious comedy value. GW lanched the guy off stage after that song and played a couple more. For the encore they kicked in with a cover of "Can't Get No Satisfaction".

The show was terrific, I got a chance to meet and talk to Billy (bass) after the show about bikes. The band loves motorcycles, they really have a thing for Kawasaki KZ1000LTD's, We yakked about the greatness of the inline four and riding way too fast. I asked him about the last tour here they did with The Cramps, and we talked about that show for a bit. Around this time my voice began leaving me so I made arrangements to find them later to get a concert shirt.

The next day I swung over to the hotel they were staying at and picked up a concert shirt and a couple of posters. My voice was long gone but I still managed to yak with Seiji and Toru(drums) for a bit. It's kinda funny, I had the chance to get an interview for the UTMC page but my recent cold killed my throat and voice. Things worked out real cool tho, the show was great and it was fun to hang with the band. They should be back in town next year, the next stop for the tour is in New Mexico, Also watch for their upcoming movie "Wild Zero".

›Fall edition of the Manifesto is out:

I got this in the mailbox from Jeff:

" The Black Market Manifesto Update
--October 1999-----------------

So Kidz...it's been a long time and much has happened. Shall we begin????

(Tah-dah!!!) The new Manifesto is up and online for your viewing pleasure. This edition features an interview with the modern poster Godfather, Frank Kozik. Johnny enters the bizarre world of tattoo artist Paul Booth. We also have our heartfelt tribute to Rick Griffin along with our rants. And to top it off, the legendary Tiki bar unveils the secrets of Absinth to all who dare imbibe. How's that for a line-up?

There enough stuff in this edition to keep you assing off for hours at work. So have fun and tell your friends. In fact, forward this little announcement to them and make their day.

Drop on by and check it out and let us know how you like the new spiffy look."
http://www.blackmarketmanifesto.com

10/18/99

›The Fringes of Scociety:

Norman Motordaddy of Motorcycho Zine has an online poll going asking the question: How much do you hate fringe? Go wander in there and let him know how you feel, your vote counts!

http://ratbike.org/motorcycho/fringe.html

›Gutar Wolf Live Tonight:

15th street Tavern, be there! Warning: This is the meanest, loudest fuckin Japanese punk rock on earth. Your ears will bleed and your spleen may rupture.

›FU-FME? Sick man:

For those of you who own computers, take a gander at this

WEEKEND UPDATE 10/16/99

›Old Mofo Winter is here:

Time to dig into the closet and find that really huge pair of snow riding testicles and get out in the powder! It looks like it's gonna be a real shitty winter this year, usually we don't get the first white shit from the sky till after All Hallowz Eve, but here it is, halfway through the October and it looks like a winter whatthefuck outside. On the good side I'll be putting the "Snow Riding Bastards" gallery back up and I even have a line on a guy who got photos riding in a hurricane! So get a camera, get on that scoot and get out in the snow! I'll have some photos of myself in the shit within a day or two.

›Guitar Wolf movie and tour dates :

It looks like Guitar Wolf has just completed their movie "Wild Zero", can't wait to check it out! Also for those of you in other parts of the USA you can see if they will be in your town here.

›Fixed the article from Rev-d893 AGAIN! :

More Kudos to Shadow Warrior Chuck for pointing out that the picture for Rev-d893's article wasn't showing up right. Man, I'm just a wreck when I got a fever.

›Ames will win either way :

I yakked with Ames last night about his dilema on the K1100RS, it seems he has found a real sneaky loophole in the relationship and is exploiting it to his full advantage! We'll see him riding that new Beemer yet! Way to go Ames!

›2xD with minor stretching on the worky bits :

It seems 2xD's Ninja (one of the meanest on earth) is having another wee bitty mechanical whack. Bummer, especially since 2xD always rides in the snow. Get well soon man!

10/14/99

›Fixed the article from Rev-d893:

Wow, amazing the things that get screwed up in the proccess of cut and paste eh? I had invisible nonexistant characters that were hosing source code! Took me a bit to fix, I'll keep a copy of the offending file around just in case. So now you can read the whole thing, it's a good one too! Kudos to Shadow Warrior Chuck for pointing this out, who needs proofreaders when you have real readers eh?

›A reason to ditch the bike?:

Hell fuckin no! I'm keeping the bikes and fuck all that car crap, too many fuckin wheels. But look at the stats on this puppy. Dig this hovercraft thing, it's pretty fast. When they say it's affordable I don't think they're talkin bout us tho. Still, I'd love to buzz traffic with one.

›Sick as a dog and deadline ridden:

So along with my boss giving me praise and a raise for all the endless hours I've been working he has also given me his cold, along with a bunch more deadlines. I'm not cut out for this work thing, I'm an artist, slacker, geek, hacker, motorcycle freak, I sleep in, I own no ties, I quit jobs when they give me crap for being late, CRAP! Well, I guess that means I shouldn't fuck this job up eh? They put up with me and dig my work. Oh well, I guess a wee little flu never hurt anyone too bad and Rome could have been built in a day if they just woulda worked harder...I'm babbling now.....I'm delerius....damn!

10/12/99

It's Columbus day! Lets all go celebrate the invasion and rape of this great country....rant rant rant......!!!!!

›Slapped in an article from Rev-d893:

The Revrend Patty of the 893 kicked down an article about riding, as always it quality stuff. It reminded me of the first time I saw a bike that really made me know I had to get one. It's at the top o' the front page.

›Guitar Wolf havin' a show here next monday:

The kickass Japanese punk rock band Gutar Wolf will be at the 15th street Tavern on monday the 18th. It's sure to be a killer show, I'll be there with as many of the guys as possible. I'm still hoping to swindle an interview of the band but I don't speak any Japanese other than "sushi" and "Kawasaki"

›Photo gallery to be up soon:

ill I've gotten a bunch of emails from folx wanting the photo gallery with smartass commentary back. Well, I've been workin like a dog for the last month and a half but I think things have mellowed enough that I can make this happen. So far the sections will be:

Strange bikes- All sorts of bikes; streetfightered, freaked, chopped, lowered, jetted, fiberglassed, piped and paper-mache'd.

Crashed bikes- self explanitory

Snow riding bastards-freaks like us riding through any natural disaster possible

the freaks we know-freaked folx from here and everywhere, you might even end up there if you send a photo in.

As always, all submissions are welcome as long as you are the photographer or are in the photo.

10/11/99

It's Columbus day! Lets all go celebrate the invasion and rape of this great country....rant rant rant......!!!!!

›Turning 2000 already:

Wow, the page turned 2000 over the weekend! Woohoo! That didn't take as long as I thought it would. The great part about this is that it means there are a bunch of you out there reading this page. The really good part about that is it means the articles, commentary and of course the message board are something cool that you enjoy. Right on, who's the jerk off that said nothings free! Well this page is and it seems like you folx like it. For the life of this page it will be free, free of cost, free of censorship, and best of all free of spellcheck! So if some of you have an opinion you'd like to spew or a good bike story ya wanna tell send it in, thanks for all the support!

›Local bike gang gets the smackdown:

The bike gang the sons of silence got raided and thrown in the pokey (well, not all of em but a bunch) for all sorts of illegal stuff. You can read a RMN article about the greasy details here. Personally, I wonder why the fuck being a motorcylist or 'biker' has anything at all to with submachine guns and crystal meth. Oh well, not my sort of gig, especially when one of the articles I read talked about a big closet shrine to hitler in one of the sos clubhouses.

›The Roadster gets de-virginized:

My nice shiny BMW I've had for a couple of years got backed into by a guy with a sport artillery vehichle, a road tank, a suburban assault vehichle, a supercage, you get the picture. Anyhu, from the looks of it all he did was break a oil cooler cover and he even was polite and apologetic about it (smart move on his part). He'll be paying for the first(and hopefully last) chunk of damaged goods on the bike. I'm really happy I wasn't on it at the time and the damage was slight, still, it was kinda crappy for this to happen on my first real day off in a month and a half. On the good side I did manage to spend most of saturday riding through the hills mear Morrison and Evergreen with my brother.

10/7/99

›New stuff up at the Black Market Manefesto:

This just in from Jeff Wood of Drowning Creek:

" The Black Market Manifesto Update
--October 1999-----------------

So Kidz...it's been a long time and much has happened. Shall we begin????

(Tah-dah!!!) The new Manifesto is up and online for your viewing pleasure. This edition features an interview with the modern poster
Godfather, Frank Kozik. Johnny enters the bizarre world of tattoo artist Paul Booth. We also have our heartfelt tribute to Rick Griffin along
with our rants. And to top it off, the legendary Tiki bar unveils the secrets of Absinth to all who dare imbibe. How's that for a line-up?

There enough stuff in this edition to keep you assing off for hours at work. So have fun and tell your friends. In fact, forward this little
announcement to them and make their day.

Drop on by and check it out and let us know how you like the new spiffy look. "
http://www.blackmarketmanifesto.com

›Sorry 'bout the lack of updates lately:

Man, I've been doing way too may 18 hour days lately for work! I'm writing this pre-coffee so if there are any mistakes I'm sure to ignore them completely. I've got more killer content coming up including an essay on "the wave", some snowy rants, how to get back at the radar vans and the next part of Area 51's Missing Triumph, so stay tuned, things should be back to normal in the next day or two.

›Pavement needs a paint booth:

This just in from Pavement:

"Straight and simple, I need my tank painted and I have no wear to keep it that I can paint it and maintain high enough surface tempature to hold. I was hopeing to tap your vast web of motorcycle contacts and see if you could come up with some one who could paint it black cheaply (last gorilla I talked to tried to take me for $250 just to paint the tank black, so I told the knuckle dragging hunch backed simian red neck cracker asshole to go fuck himself) or failing that some one who has a warm space that I can do a rattle can job on it in and leave it long enough to cure a few cotes. Any help you can offer would be most sincerely appreciated. Oh, by the by, I street fought out pinballs bike in true
american style; hacked the fender, clip ons, no gauges, stagger stacked dual oval halogen rally fog lights as a head and so on. Hopefully be sending a pic soon with some good shit on the modifacation process and how that resulted in stigmata ( you have to see the monster gash on my left palm, its
beautiful. It makes me feel as though I am forever part of pinball's ride, sniffle.) More pics of my ride post franken-stoinking on there way as soon as i get this shit taken care of. Take it sleazy.

Brother Pavement, Imposter messiah"

Lemmie know if anyone out there can help in this as the chilly weather is on it's way and it would be a shame for Pavey to be without wheels when the snow hits

10/5/99

›Slimey Cride Ride photos on Manzruin's page:

Go check out the killer bunch o' pics Manzruin got at the Slimey Crud Ride! You can get to the page here

›A big bitchslap for big brother:

I got a new ongoing series coming up for all of you that wanna get back and get away from the man without commiting any crimes. Yep, reality hacking is possible and we'll show you how. The first installment will cover that photo radar bullshit and how to avoid getting a ticket in the mail.

10/1/99

›Burnin from a 29 hour work weekend:

Yeah well, I'm kickin this update from the cafe. It's 'bout 12:30am and I'm kickin out da fancy stuff for another tarantulan deadline this week. But I have no complaints, I got my bike back outta da pound and it's fuckin running great. Now if I had more time to ride.....

›Hot and cold running toilets:

Apparently someone hard piped the pipes all sideways at Netherworld cafe, now the toilet water in the girls room is cold and in the boys room it's boiling hot. Rumor has it it's this way for good so be careful of the splashback if you're so bold as to have a seat and take a load off. Word has it Spyder also cooks top ramen in there duing the wee hours. For you folx on other side of the pond(UK) who call the restroom a toilet, I'm not talkin about the sinks man, the water in the shitter's hot enough to make a good cup of Earl grey tea.....well, maybe not a good cup;-)

›I fuckin hate Janes Addiction:

After sittin in the cafe all weekend working and hearing Janes Addiction about a million time I've come to the following conclusions:

1- I don't give a fuck about Jane

2- I hate this bitchass fuckin wannabe punk/alternative shit

3- I need to buy a fuckin sledgehammer

4- Pat Buchannan, although not related to JA in any way is a fuckin moron

10/1/99

›Message in from Risa

Finally got a email from Risa, she's doing great! She's taking some time to study her life and the world around her and think about where she wants do go and what she wants with her life. Personally I wish we all had the dedication and freedom to be able to get into a space like that, especially in Hawaii. She misses the crowd and says hello, apparently she watched Harley Davidson and The Marlbro Man, got her all teary eyed thinkin about the days when we used to steal drugs from corporate empires and.....hmm...lost my trian of thought. She's also meeting some folx new to hang with there, she was on her way to the races when she wrote me. There's a possibility she'll be back in the continent soon, in Cali. Looks like we better start planning the road trip eh? If anyone wants her email address drop me a line or hook up with me at the cafe

›Moses getting patched this saturday:

Word has it the local 667 is patching in Moses this saturday, might be an invite only deal tho. I'll see if I can get some good humility photos.

›Added a rant from Aaron Da Cop

Sometimes the stupidity of the world gets you down you just gotta vent, that's about what Aaron has done here. I hear where he's coming from, too many idiots around these days.

As usual with the rants and anything else on this page, all views expressed here are the views of real people and if I didn't feel it worth printing I wouldn't. Anyone who gets offended or has a problem can chew their own bollox.

9/28/99

›The first snow hits Denver:

Sometimes there is a break in tradition, for me, today is one such occasion. Early this morning the first snow of winter hit Denver, not a big snow, but snow none the less. Every year I romp through the first snow of the year in celebration of the fact that all of the yuppies and seasonal riders have locked their bikes up on blocks not to be seen till next summer. This is quite an occasion as there is no need to worry about idiots riding in flipflops and t-shirts, nobody spending hours making sure all of their chrome is spotless. Most of all it is to smack mama nature and let her know that a bit of the cold stuff wont stop the real riders out there. Unfourtunately my bike is stuck in the shop getting a well needed tune and some factory recall work done. I'm hoping to be back on the road by this weekend, and ready to ride through the freeze. To everyone out there who is kicking over a cold engine I raise a cuppa joe, I'll see ya soon.

9/27/99

›Added "For the Love of Old Shit":

It's a sermon from Pavement, our brother of the stretched throttle cable. I found it startlingly truthful and insightful, little spooky too. Give it a read or your friends will hate you.

›Back to boots:

Well, I just put the Roadster in the shop for some factory recall work and the 12k service. Big bummer for me as I have 3 bikes in the garage, 2 don't run and one needs parerwork. On the good side this will givve me a week to reflect on the last 7 years of riding and maybe get some good writing done. Eat some bugs for me out there eh.

›A good friend goes under the needle:

Little Sarah, one of our favorite leather seamstresses had a small accident with the sewing machine running over her finger recently. On the good side she is doing well and there was no permanent damage. Also, she didn't have to get stitches put on the wound, just taken out. Get well soon Sarah.

›Most terrifying y2k bug fixes itself:

That's right folx, there will be no Quayle served in the white house in the future. The idiot who has brought shame to men named Dan everywhere, Dan Quayle has dropped out of the presidential race and we can only hope he will follow up this act of kindness by throwing himself off of a bridge somewhere.

9/24/99

›Added part Three of Area 51's Missing Triumph:

Part three: Klattu Verata Nektu, is up on the Ongoing Features section. Take a look.

›Some phreaky phone love baby:

This just in from Sarah 'LadyLuck' Ennis:

"This cracked me up, totally call.

You MUST dial this number and listen till the end of the recording:
800-578-7453. It's for the Brown & Williamson Tobacco company. At
first we thought it was a spoof, but it's REAL (we pressed an option and a
real person picked up "Good morning, Lucky Strike"."

9/23/99

Unless you live in a cave you may know about some of todays news already, thankfully many of the readers of this page do live in caves, garages and underneath cafes:-)

›2xD is back in black:

Well, I saw the beast last night, a shiny black Zx7R Ninja and it's proud rider 2xD. After missing most of the good riding season for reasons of Kawasaki's parts confusion and mechanical frustration the Ninja is roadworthy, running and mean as hell. We still have some primo weather for a few weeks so all is not lost, although the next time we see him he'll surely have more miles and a big grin. Good to have you back on two wheels man.

›Ames is pregnant:

Actually it's Jess that's pregnant, but we all know that good headlines are what the news is all about. It looks like this may throw a wrench into some plans that Ames had of getting a new bike but he's taking it well. Let's all give Ames a big pat on the back and buy him a cuppa joe! Viagra? We don't need no stinking viagra!

›Some numerology:

Got some emails this morning, turns out Chuck aka Shadow Warrior was hit number 1000 and Pavement was hit number 1234. Right on guys, we'll bring the apocolypse yet!

›Progress on Pavement:

I recieved this from our dear friend this morning:

"i'm nearly in one complete peice now, and the strange man in the war paint
and grass skirt ( who i know only as "The Doctor") has told me the work
involving the bench grinder is over now. i actually wanted to gloat a bit,
since you missed the big 'k' and as of the visit in wich this e-mail was
sent i was hit 1234. neat, huh!? in more pressing matters, my clutch
actuation is shot. since i dont like th possible ramifications of speed
shifting everywhere, i begin work on it today. hope fully the repairs wont
have me out of the saddle to long. it turned out to be internal, not the
cable. ungh!"

Get that clutch fixed man, and be careful around men with warpaint and grass skirts.....Where are you anyhu....The White Spot??

9/21/99

›Issue #13 is in da post

Got an email from Norman of Motorcycho, issue #13 is in the mail so lemmie know if ya want one eh?

›Another good reason to own a motorcycle

Parking here is a bitch, here's proof.

›A thousand hits and I missed it

Sorry about the lack of updates on the news lately, been burnin through deadlines at work, 19 hour days and no sleep. Things should get back to normal now tho. I'm just bummed I missed the page turning a thousand. Well, with any luck the UTMC page will be up to a thousand a day like the 667 page was.

›Reconstructing Pavement

I recently recieved this email from our dear friend and road sponge, Pavement:

"Dan,
i regret to inform you that my contribution to your splendidly
satirical page may be some time in the coming, as i've (most
inconveiniently) died. i can understand your dissapointment in me, and only
can ask your forgiveness for my lack of consideration in my some what
innapropriate passing.
i hope to be re-animated shortly, following a somewhat complex (and i
shall say rather expensive) ordeal involving what i seem to recall as some
what of dancing and chanting and the like, and what i reason to be rather a
large sum of electricity. all rather jumbled, you know. memory is the first
to go.
all and the like permitting (the reassembly and what have you), i should
be back in mortal company(allbeit in a somewhat unnatural state) in a weeks
time.
i hope the quality of my forth coming litterary work satisfactorily
mends the tresspass of time, and that your friendship for me can look past
my partial state of decay upon my return.
i bid you a fair day, good riding, and a debaucherous night.
and remember: always extinguish your cigarette before attempting to mend
your leaky gas tank while in the presance of several thousands of rounds of
ammunition and hundreds of gallons of volital organic compounds. just,ah
some advice...

brother pavement, post mortem"

Best of luck on the ressurection Pavement, and let's hope those bolts in your neck are metric

9/17/99

›Check out Motomuffin

Ran across a pretty cool site yesterday for Motomuffin magazine. It's a zine all about women who ride, not the usual easyriders cheescake, these girls ride! It has everything from rider profiles to some really good articles. Check it out at Motomuffin.com

›M&M's.....????

Chocolate has a much lower melting point than sugar, so how the fuck do they candy coat the chocolate without melting it? My boss posed this question yesterday to me, we have several theories including: powder coating, zero gravity/zero degrees, liquid nitrogen dipped chocolate and my personal favorite...The Chocolate Railgun! If you have any ideas or theorieslemmie know

9/16/99

›Added Manzruin's "Bad Motorcycle Manifesto"

Take a gander at the latest article up at the top of the front page, yanked straight from Manzruin's page (with his permission of course). Probably one of the best pieces of lit to grace the page since "Johnny goes to the museum". You should check out Manzruin's page here too.

›Too many deadlines:

Sorry about the lack of news updates and stuff lately, been hammering out work for the impossible deadlines they keep giving me. Things will be back to normal imn the next few days.

9/14/99

›Sounds like issue #13 is off the presses:

It sounds like #13 of Motorcycho is off the presses, time to start watching the mailbox...eh.

›Fixed the link to "Area 51's missing Triumph"

Sorry bout that, thanx to Shadow Warrior for the notification.

9/13/99

›Jesse returns

Jesse is back from the military at last, it's been a long three years of training, showering with guys and thwarting off giant forest spiders, He'll be around the usual places like the cafe and all that if you wanna hook up with him. He's also looking for a job and quite possibly a new bike, if you have any good leads let him know.

›Added part 2 of "Area 51's missing Triumph"

It's the next installment of the bike that should not be, check it out in the "Ongoing Features" section.

9/10/99

› Added The Top 25 Signs:

Chuck aka Shadow Warrior of the 667 sent this one along to me this morning, it's "The Top 25 Signs You May Not Be A Biker", by Known Associate. It's really damn funny and even manages to put in a plug for the UTMC page. Read it so you can get that sour look off your face Spyder.

› BMW of Denver blows goats:

Like this is news to anyone.

9/9/99

Whoa! check out the fuckin date......weird eh?

› Added a rant from Spyder

Spyder shot off a rant to me about one of his favorite subjects. It's on the front page and worth the read if you feel all grumbly this morning.

› Check out ~Oshua~

Josh "Pinto" has his own web page set up, pretty cool. He even has a chat room goin on it, take a gander. ~Oshua~

9/8/99

› Drowning Creek goes 1.2:

Press release just in from Johnny The Theif:

Hey Kids!
I know many of you havent heard from me in a bit, but I've been swamped
with tattoo appointments, freelance art, getting the bike back on the road, &
polishing up the next version of the Black Market Manifesto! So check it out,
& please forgive me for my negligence,... actually, most of MY stuff was
ready over a month ago, but digital alchemist Jeff Wood has been redesigning
the interface to stream real audio & offer in the way of commerce &
interaction.
Interviews this month include poster master & indy rock publishing mogul
Frank Kozik, the official tattoo artist of the Spanish Inquisition, Paul
Booth, Mayor Giuliani's main nemesis, Robert Lederman, arrested 39 times in
NYC for selling art on the sidewalk, a heart felt tribute to our personal
idol Rick Griffin, plus much needed rants on corporate rock, the drug war, GW
Bush, & other items they left out of the Anarchist's Cookbook.
Keep checking out the site for updates, online auctions that correspond
to special events, like the release of Coop's tattoo flash art, & other
secrets we have waiting to unleash on the masses.

http://www.drowningcreek.com/

Love & a .45, Johnny Thief

› Riding for broccoli? Time to thin the herd:

Sometimes you just gotta wonder what the fuck is going on with this shitball bluegreen planet. I admit there is alot of really great stuff and peace is nice concept but then you see things like minivans and starbucks coffee and xtra large spandex and ya think.....yep, time for another world war to thin the herds a bit. My cousin sent me this link and I'm still thinking "what the fuck?"

Rolling Broccoli Riders

9/7/99

› Issue #13 of Motorcycho due soon:

I got an email from Norman of Motorcycho, issue #13 promises to be jam packed and smokkin as always. If your not on the mailing list, head on over to the Motorchycho page and send an email off to em'

›A new article and a couple of book reviews:

I've been swamped with work deadlines lately but I managed to write a new article and two book reviews over the weekend, check em out.

9/6/99

› How much did you pay for that bad Moto Guzzi:

My brother just picked up a 1971 Moto Guzzi Ambassador, he feels like he has returned to the world of the living after being bikeless for a couple of years. It's a beautifal machine, needs some paint and polish, but it's real nice.

› Motorcycle Books, where to get em!:

It's never too soon to stock up on some great motorcycle books for the snowy season, cause even if ride in the snow, most others won't, and ya gotta do something during the two hours it takes to warm up after a 50 mile thrash through the powdery stuff. So here's a couple of places online to get books.

Merlin Books Yahoo MotoBooks

9/3/99

Sorry 'bout the late update on todays news, deadlines for work and all. It would appear that it's violent news friday. I've recieved a couple of disturbing emails, one local, one about Texas.

› Blood on the Cricket:

"Forwarded Annonymous Message: This is not a negative letter about the Cricket On The Hill

Monday August 30th 1999: Denver Joe, the Monday entertainment that consist's of old country songs and a strange sense of humor, had a very serious problem.

Starting on the 16th of this month I had noticed that there was patrons hanging out that I have never seen before. I found out that the patrons are the members of the Colorado Motorcycle Club "BROTHERS FAST". Aug 30th a member of this Club or Gang or whatever you would like to call this cluster fuck got upset that Sharon, the manager of Hermans Hideaway, put a flyer on his gas tank promoting a Hermans Hideaway AIDS BENEFIT SHOW. This individual then walked on the stage and very loudly and with many profane and vulgar words asked over the microphone, to confront the person that put this flyer on his motorcycle.!! Chris, the husband of Sharon (the manager of Hermans ), walked up to this PERSON and tried to explain that the flyer is for a local club that is hosting a AIDS BENEFIT SHOW. Well this person did not want to hear anything about this issue and became violent,<<< Long story short>>>>BLOOD ON THE CRICKET>>>

Chris is in the hospital, w/ head injuries, Luke "KING RAT" is also in the hospital with a Knife Wound (status fair) The rest of us are lucky (a cold ice packor a cold beer will do us fine)

Can somebody tell me What The Fuck is Going On????

Can somebody please forward this to anybody else that U feel is worthy?"

---well, this may explain why a few years ago when the 667 tried to attend a show at Cricket on the Hill we were told "Go away, we don't like your kind here". No shit, I guess this may not be the first time for something like this. On one hand, I can understand the anger felt when someone touches my bike, on the other hand I wouldn't act how this guy did unless they were attempting to steal or vandalize the bike.

This is a lesson to both sides, don't touch someones bike, and don't turn into a violent jackass if someone tries to apologise. I do not condone the violent and rude behavior of the individual involved. I also haven't been to Cricket on the Hill in years because I didn't think they 'served my kind'. What to do about all this? Well, first of all lets go to Herman's more often and be well behaved, the last thing we need is to give everyone the feeling that all bikers are like this. As for the Cricket, it would appear they make pretty bad decisions about who they do and don't let in. ----ed

› Death for the biker with Road Rage

A man was sentanced to death after testifying that road rage led him to gun down two truckers and injure a third man he suspected of being a trucker. Douglas Alan Feldman confessed in testimony and in letters to a former girlfreind to killing the truckers, Robert Stephen Everett and Nicholas A. Velasquez in August of 1998.

Everett, 36, was shot and killed on U.S. 75 north of Dallas. According to Feldman, who was riding his motorcycle, Everett almost ran him over with a semi. Feldman killed him and then proceeded to a Dallas gas station and killed Velasquez, 62.

"I will tell you this: I found it quite pleasurable to kill those two men!" Feldman wrote in a letter to a former girlfriend, two months after his arrest."If you are an angry person and someone provokes you to violence ... it feels wonderful to cause their death and watch their pain"

Feldman also shot and injured a third man doing a drive by shooting, this time in his Land Rover.

Apparently Feldman was treated for substance abuse and paranoia in 1993. This was not enough to sway the jury, nor was anything else the defense had to offer. Douglas Alan Feldman has been sentenced to death. You can read more about the initial news story here.

What are the lessons here?

Don't carry a gun when riding, too much temtation.

Texas is full of psychos and truckers.

Anything with four wheels or more should be careful who they piss off.

Anyone who owns a Harley, a gun and a Land Rover has some security issues.

Texas gives everyone the chair.------ed

9/2/99

› Soon I'll have two...I hope:

I've found two of these Kawasaki W1's, in pretty shotty condition I might add. I hope to have them soon.

› In other news, I'm out of smox again

9/1/99

› The Doctor is in:

Dr. Jason has returned to Denver to ride with us once again. He seems to have cloned himself and now is living in California and Denver simultaneously. Wierd thing is whenever he gets in trouble in California, the Denver Jason gets all weird like someone's got a vodoo doll of him or something... We are all cautious, but happy about it..

The good Doctor will be using his "Police Box" for his regular commutes thru the continuum, if you don't know, don't ask.

› "The Perfect Vehicle":

I picked up a new book by Melissa Holbrook Pierson, "The Perfect Vehicle: What it is About Motorcycles." It looks like a good book, usually I don't judge a book by the cover but anyone who has the enthusiasm to put a classic eight cylinder Moto Guzzi racer on the cover deserves a second look. I'll let you know how it pans out.

8/31/99

› Dead trees worth the read

Well, it's not often I'll reccomend a magazine to the general public for consumption. My usual take is that most rags out there are ruled by their advertisers and by the time you get your grubby paws on one the headline stories are dead news already. Every once in a while tho, I run across some rags that are truly worth it, anyone who remembers Awol knows what I'm talking about. Anyhu, here's my pics on the good stuff:

Motorcycho Zine- This is one that I'm proud to endorse, written mostly by Norman the Motordaddy and his cohorts, this one is all underground. It's the size of postcard so it fits good in a pocket, kind of has the feel of religous book you can carry with you and read in times of need. Every issue is chock full of good articles, commentary and of course killer stickers. With an emphasis on choppers and rat bikes it's the perfect paper companion to get some of the stuff the UTMC page can get anorexic on reporting. So much in fact that Norman has been kind enough to let me publish Motorcycho articles on the UTMC page and vice versa. Look for upcoming specials on dual branded CD's and big issues from our joint venture. You can check out the Motorcycho web page here. Send Norman a few bux for an issue, you'll be happy you did.

Gearhead- Here's one I just picked up the other day, a rag all about tattoos, bikes, hot rods and rock and roll. I bought it for the article on the East Bay Rats, a MC from Cali. What really stood out was the fact that they had a great format, good writers and are geared towards those of us born in the last 30 years. It's too often that I pick up a magazine geared towards the stuff I like to know about only to have it focus on American cruisers, crusty old bastards and old school nazi philosophies. I was amazed, I figured with 112 pages of tattoos, bikes and hot rods I was bound to run into some anti-riceburner shit or a few swastikas, nope, none at all. This rag has failed to do what hundreds along the same lines have done before, piss me off. I couldn't actually believe it, I had no choice but to buy the rag and read it. It's got some great articles and commentary you sure as hell won't find anywhere else, these guys and gals know their niche. Pick it up if you can find it.

8/30/99

› Risa sent a couple of postcards from Thailand, sounds like she's doing great. She says that the older women get their teeth laquered black because they feel it makes them look beautiful, they also wear the big gold rings around their neck and eat nuts called "beetle nuts" that stain their mouths red and make them high. She's kinda bored but won't be doing any of those things. She asked how everyone is doing and hopes all is well. She is also thinking about getting a diamond put in one of her teeth. Yeah, well, considering the teeth painting I wouldn't trust the dentistry there too much Ris'. Anyhu, lets all keep good thoughts in our heads for her and hope she's got a reliable email address working soon. Next stop for Risa is Vietnam, good luck and write again soon.

› I watched the movie "Soylent Green" with the sweetheart over the weekend, pretty strange. It's based on a novel by Harry Harrison, author of "The Stainless Steel Rat" series. It stars our favorite gun happy bastard Charleton Heston, and features some other interesting actors like the annoying guy from Eight is enough and the guy who played Klinger in MASH.

The premise of the movie is an earth in the year 2000something and the human race has overpopulated the place and fucked up the environment real bad. Everyone except the real rich folx have to eat food from the soylent company. The food "soylent green", turns out to be proccesed people, kinda like spam. Now don't get all iritated 'cause I told you the ending, the movie came out in 1973, coincidentally the year I was born, so if you haven't seen it yet you probably weren't going to. Anyway, it got me thinking how soda cans are recycled aluminum, and some of the recycled aluminum the out there is from trashed bike parts. So essentially, soda cans are motorcycles.

"SODA CANS ARE MOTORCYCLES!.....MOTORCYCLES!!!"

spooky how science fiction can predict the future.....eh?

› Added a review of the book "Speed Tribes" on the Reviews section

› Added a review of Guitar Wolf''s latest CD, "Jet Generation" on the Music section

8/27/99

›Victory Motorcycles V92SC "sportcruiser", an oxymoron with potential

Heres something you don't see every day, an american moto company trying a variation of the big slow chrome couch. Not that I have anything really against cruisers, there just never seems to be anything from the domestic factories that deem adequate for anyone liking to scrape a little peg. Well, it appears that may change with this innovative yet a little akward looking bike.

^1p