10/30-31/00

Halloween Update

Ugh! I got a fuggin cold form someone at work! Sorry 'bout the lack of news late last week and over the weekend. I had a nasty cold to wrestle down and was feeling even more like a lazy ass slacker than usual....not to mention my laptop is having problems again too! It figures I'd get sick on Friday and get to enjoy a fun filled, scratchy throat, runny nose, swollen brain weekend! Anyhu, enough of my bitching, I'm over the cold and ready to get back to all! Here's the news:

• Parking Nazi Repellent:

So at the latest ABATE meeting I went to, I found out that we CAN in fact park more than one motorcycle at a meter at a time. I know some of you have gotten tickets for doing this before, but here's the straight written rule sent to me from from Deb of ABATE:

"Dan:
The parking statute is C.R.S. 42-4-1204(8), which reads: "A political subdivision may not adopt or enforce an ordinance or regulation that prohibits the parking of more than one motorcycle within a space served by a single parking meter." This law went into effect June 1, 1998. Hope this helps for future tickets....

Deb"

Thank you Deb! Maybe we aughtta go down to kinkos and print up some business cards with this written on it so the parking wankers don't try giving us tickets in the first place!

• Reading it for the articles:

"I was eyeballing Playboy magazine the other day and happened across an article about biker gang wars. This got me thinking, biker gangs/groups should be about bikes and any of the other crap there into should be forgotten. So my advice to those folks in the gangs maybe is to stop all the turf/drugs/ organized crime bullshit and stick with showing the yuppies scum holes in the world what freedom really is.

p.s. just bitchen it's not meant to offend.

still proud to be part of the UTMC
Scott Boise, ID."

Right on Scott! That's what the UTMC is all about, it seems that allot of the "biker culture" out there doesn't even have much to do with bikes anymore, were gonna bust bollox to try and change all that! Let the gangs kill eachother off and get thrown in the pokey for life over drug charges, meanwhile, we'll be riding!

• Microsoft Hacked, haha:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AAAAAAGHH!!!!! This is too funny! HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!!!!

http://www.maccentral.com/news/0010/27.hacker.shtml

• Anime Night @ the Clubhouse:

This in from Shadow Warrior of the 667:

"Heya Boys and Girls!!!

Don't want to pay $10 to get into a mediocre nightclub to be surrounded by overly pretentious people who won't sleep with you? Can't think of anything else to do on a Friday night? Wish there was someplace you could go to be surrounded by good friends and drinking coffee (or beer) while enjoying fine Japanese animation?

Well look no further! Shadow Warrior Chuck will be opening the 667 Clubhouse this Friday night at 8pm for a night of coffee swilling and animated robo-babes!

Shadow Warrior Chuck
Keeper Of The Sacred Records
667: Neighbors Of The Beast"

• Motorcycho in on TBOWP:

Norman from Motorcycho got himself on the Bikes Of The Webmasters page! Hell yeah!

http://www.slingshot.uk.com/wmbikes/norman_mcycho.html

Also, word has it issue 15 will be slappin the presses soon!

• The Car Talk guys on SUVs:

Do any of you out there ever listen to the show "Car Talk" on NPR? these guys are really funny! Here's their commentary on the ford execution.....er...I mean Excursion:

http://cartalk.cars.com/About/Ford-Excursion/

Man, I wish there was a "Bike Talk" version of this show!

More news as it happens....

10/24-25/00

Late Weekend (plus Monday!) Update

Yeah, I slept through Monday again.....sorry 'bout that. I got lotsa* news for ya tho! Tons o' news! More fuggin news than you can shake a "stand up" urination device for women at! And yes, we got that too.

*yes I know that isn't a real word Ames, but we is bikers here!

• Vibrating what?:

Here's an interesting page for a Japanese company named Vibrated Performance. They have some pretty cool custom bikes, probably nothing the likes of us broke fucks could afford, but dontcha wish we could:

http://whouse-jp.com/v_per.html

Also, check out the used bikes, pretty cool stuff:

• We aren't the only ones:

I bet you've had all the crash story you can stand for another month or two, but if you haven't, here's on from Motorcycle Online:

http://www.motorcycle.com/mo/mcfeatures/accident.html

• Starting to show up:

Well, they are starting to show up on Ebay, which means they'll be on the shelf at a store near you soon:

I've already got mine on the way.

• Girls can write their name in the snow:

Here's another great article over at Motorcycle Online that our female readers will appreciate. It's a review of "stand up" urination devices for women:

http://women.motorcycle.com/mo/mcwim/sanifem.html

Yeah, don't get uppity guys, now they CAN do anything we can!

• Anti-SUV Terrorism:

Here's a site Manzruin posted:

"Here's another SUV site if you haven't seen it already... http://poseur.4x4.org/ "

While you're there, don't miss out on the ALL NEW:

Don't worry, it's only a joke!

Also, this was recently posted by NeonSamurai:

"There are others out there! I recently became aware of a web site dedicated to the anti-SUV cause. The site lists information about why SUV's suck (as if we didn't already know), but is primarily devoted to the proliferation of the founders anti-SUV terrorist bumper sticker campaign. (Similar to a campaign suggested on this board, but this guy will actually furnish you with stickers) His statement is more against the dangers of the SUV on a biological environmental scale, but properly persuaded, i imagine he may find a place for our feelings of the suv's lethality in his campaign.
Check it out at: http://www.changingtheclimate.com "

"People In SUV's Are Dying! Dying I Tell You! Wheeeeeeee!" - The Onion

• Haunted Clubhouse:

This just in from Ian of the 667:

"Party at the club house will be starting at 9 pm on the 28th.. you are more than welcome to come as are all of the denver based UTMC. Hell, if any of the Boston boys can fight the roads bring em down too. If any of the boys don't know how to get there they can email me and I'll send them a map to the club house and a pager number they can call just in case they get lost on the way. Sarge out"

Thanks man, Sounds like it's gonna be a good bash.

• No Shoes No Shirt....:

Ever been somewhere that had a big sign on the door that said "NO COLORS". Then you go inside and find that the sign also means "No Leathers"? It sounds un-American doesn't it? Well, that's cause it is and apparently this happens lotsa other places too! But if and when we fight it, we'll win:

http://www.americanmotor.com/news.cfm?newsid=1415

• whyabusa? Because da bika don'ta worka:

Ok,ok, really bad pun...Anyhu, The Suzuki Hyabusa's seem to be having a new nasty issue with the cam chain. Here's the scoop from MCN:

"SUZUKI has issued a recall on all of its Hayabusas - but it isn't to replace the subframe.While the firm still stands by its claims that the subframes are safe after numerous reports of them collapsing, it has realised the camchain tensioners can fail - possibly making the engines seize.It's the second time Suzuki has recalled its range-topper to replace the cam chain tensioner."

You can read the rest here:

http://www.motorcyclenews.com/news/news.asp?page=Latest+News&id=1180

10/20/00

Friday Update

Well, the weekend is almost upon us and a good weekend it looks like it will be. The weather here in the land of black helecopters aughtta be nice today and tomorrow with things getting a little colder by sunday. Well that's what the weatherwanker says, and we know how accurate they are. Anyhu, not much in the way of news today since I'm already late to work and all that.

• Booh! Agh! Scarrryy!:

The 667 will be having a Halloween party at the CLUBHOUSE next weekend. I think it's an invite only deal but I'm not sure. Anyhu, it's bound to be interesting.!

• Leather Cobbler:

No, I'm not talking about that nasty dessert you can get at Paris cafe. I found a really great boot repair guy on 17th between champa and stout. This guy ca re-sole Doc Marten's with Vibram soles or any other sole you want (well, except Doc soles that is). Anyhu, I've had really good luck with this guy, he can usually do stuff within 24 hours and always does a great job.

• The Godzilla SUV:

This one sent in by my brougham Geoff, It's really fuckin funny!

http://slate.msn.com/features/godzillaSUV/GodzillaSUV.asp

• Paper Dolls:

So after my newswire about how bad my toy motorcycle addiction was getting, Stefan of The RatBike Zone sent this in:

"here's one to feed your motorcycle toy addiction, and it doesn't even cost anything:
http://www.deget.de/seite0001-12.htm (put the page thru http://www.systransoft.com to get rid of most of the German) halfway down the page it says: Papiermodell - there you can download a buch of PDF files to make glue-and-paper models of a Vmax or R1 Yamaha...!"

Right on! I'm gonna print a few of these out ove the weekend. Hey Ames, this might be a safer way to make a mobile for the little one's crib, rather than using the real ones eh?

lots more news tomorrow folx!

10/18-19/00

Hey, it's "hump day", we all know what that means, if you arent a camel or a leg at the dog pound it's just the middle of the fuggin week. I got a bunch of groovy midweek news for ya, I even get a little political, spooky eh? I'm sure all three of the republicans who read the page are gonna get irritated by some of the stuff in today's news, cool. In other good news the weather looks like it's gonna be real nice here in the middle of the country for at least a few more days, gotta get some good riding in in this weekend eh?

• The Sunday Ride:

Here's an email in from Jeremy about the ride last sunday:

"...The ride was pretty fun. We had 8 bikes with us! 2 bikes that were basically race bikes, a bimota and a 250 2-stroke leagalized race bike, a fatty Buell, Rev-D's cool speed triple, and the other bikes that I mentioned
before (bandit 600, VFR, BMW, Ninja 1000R). The pace was pretty hot, a little hotter than I would have liked sometimes but you know how it works in larger groups. Gumby and Ollie also showed up briefly on a bright green Speed Triple and an old Kat but they ran low on fuel shortly after joining up with us so they turned back. The roads were pretty free of cages for the most part and Nathan showed us a little twisty number that went through the tiny shot-gun laden town of Ward, Co. This road was freshly paved and free of cages and a little too fast! I'm sending along one of the group photos that I took, Next time I'll get an organized photo of all of us so you can see the bikes and people better!

Let me know when you feel healed up enough to join in we'd love to have you come along next time! I'll let you know either way....

L8
Jeremy"

Sorry I didn't get a chance to post the plans for this last ride up, had a crazy couple of days over the weekend, but be sure to let me know about future rides, I'll post em' up on the news if I can. I hope I can make it on one of the next rides, sounds like I'm missing out on allot of fun!

• Stick it in your ear:

Here's a phone that you hear by sticking your finger in your ear! No shit, the thing straps to your wrist and converts the sounds signals to vibrations that you hear "through" your finger. Now if they'd just come up with one that works by sticking your finger in your nose, 95% of the drivers out there could be permanently connencted!

http://www.go2mac.com/displaynews.cfm?newsid=7449

• 'Ruin the Bike:

Manzruin is in the process of adding some nice custom bits to his bike:

"I got a tank being painted, and a whole bunch more stuff I have to make for it. The frame's even getting cut a little. "

Pretty cool stuff eh? Look for a big fancy photoshoot of Manzruin and his ride in a future edition of the gallery

• Born to be WHAT????:

Here's a link of terror sent in by Stefan of the RatBike Zone:

http://www.worldonline.co.za/moto/moto_center_new_mo.287541.html

Apparently, nothing is sacred, even the legacy of lame rock bands.

• All RevD up:

RevD picked up a new ride last weekend for Toto and himself, here's the email he sent out:

"please enjoy a cigar and welcome this new (well, new to me) addition to our family... (bitmap image attatched):

--RevD"

I'm sure we'll get a full size photo of the bike soon enough, Congrats RevD and Toto!

• Bad Desicion 2000:

So some of you out there were wondering why I'm voting for four years of Goreible and not Mr. Bushit. To be truthful, it's purely a defensive manuver, you see, I think Gore is a big wanker who thinks he knows everything and to be truthful, really doesen't give a flying fuck about our generation. Gore is really just a big flaming wanker in my opinion. On the good side tho, he is smart, he has been the vice president for eight years and done some good things, he's a wanker, but I can sleep at night with him in office. Bush on the other hand, is clearly the biggest moron to ever try to get into the white house ( ok, he's a close tie with Quayle). If you don't beleive me, here are some interesting facts and articles sent to me by Red Dan and Ames:

Facts about the debate, various news sources

Facts showing the decrease in violence in the real world as there is an increase in violence in movies and video games, Sladshot.org

How Bush has dealt with the AIDS epidemic (ignoring it)

Bush's proclomation of June 10th to be "jesus Day" in Texas, American Jewish Congress

Jesus day, really, you want Mr. "Jesus Day" running our country???

If you need more reasons to puke take a look at this page: http://www.georgebush2000.com/ ! It has everything you ever wanted to know about Bush, everything bad that is, there was a page with everything good but it seems to be blank for some reason. Let's hope you don't like the internet, because of the above mentioned page, Bushy doesen't think we are responsible enough to handle that freedom! BTW, If you have any bad stuff about Gore send it in, I always like to hear both sides AND I'll put it up on the news here. Personally, I'd be voting for Jello Biafra if I could.

• Nazi Hunter:

Here's a fun game I found over a The Stile Project called Nazi Hunter, It's pretty funny. Basically there is this weenie skinhead moving back and forth on the screen throwing "swastika stars" at you. You mission is to shoot the stars and put as many bullets in the nazi fuckhead as possible. It's not nearly as much fun as a good game of Wolfenstein 3-D, but it's worth a look:

http://www.stileproject.com/nazi.html

• Utah Sucks:

Take a look at all the sites that the state of Utah has banned thier citezens from looking at:

http://www.censorware.org/reports/utah/appendix.shtml

10/16-17/00

Ouch, it's that fuggin monday again! Well, the weekend went way too fast as usual, but I still manage to get a little bit of riding in around town. I'm sorry I missed the ride Jeremy set up, It was a little ambitious of a jaunt for someone in my condition. RevD made it on the ride tho and said it was great fun and he was looking forward to the next one. I'm hoping my hip will be doing well enough by then. Hey, I got a bunch of new articles almost ready to go up on the features section, so stay tuned eh?

• Pimp Sceptre:

I was able to get a shiny new cane this weekend that is a better match for me and the bike. It's black (of course) and has an eight ball on the top for the handle. Pretty damn groovy eh? Jerry, the owner of the tobaccoo store where I got it also informed me that it's quite sturdy for smackin people in the noggin, nice. Let's hope I only gotta use it for walkin eh?

• 1150 Roadster:

Here's a photo of the new R1150R Roadster floating around the web:

Pretty cool eh? It looks like a R1100GS from the front and a K1200rs from the back, not to mention the R1100S five spoke mags. Something tells me I can't afford it tho.

• lookin like a baloon at the parade:

Airbags on bikes has always been a somewhat retarded idea, much like seatbelts but with goofierlooking conceequences. Well, the idea wasn't all bad, itt just works better if not deployed from a little box on the triple-tree. Here's a couple of airbag-jackets that claim to me helpful in a crash:

http://www.eggparka.com/eng/index.shtml

Dainese is also coming out with one, but I couldn't find any info about it on thier web page

http://www.dainese.com

Well, let's hope these things work, otherwise it'l just make ya look like ya had a blowup doll in yer pocket.

• 15 Common Riding Mistakes:

There's a good article over at MCN that covers the 15 biggest riding mistakes and how to avoid them. Good reading if you've crashed in the last five years. That would be, lessee here..........everyone we know. Check it out:

http://www.motorcyclenews.com/features/fea_mistakes_2.asp

• All Hack'd:

Ya lookin for a sidecar for yer ride??? Here's a page that has a sidecar for just about any occasion:

http://www.armec.com/

• I couldn't resist:

So I got this model of an old ww2 german zundapp with a sidecar a while back and thought the picture on the box was a little strange:

yeah, that's what I thought too.

10/11-12/00

Yeah, it's the middle of the week already, gotta love it eh? Speaking of things ya gotta love, this weather the last couple of days has been so nice I'm tempted to call in sick to work....except that I did that for 31/2 months straight this summer (didn't get to enjoy it tho, FTFS). Hey Manzruin, I got some killer old moto movies, gimmie yer address amd I'll send em off for your enjoyment.

• Bbbbbbad:

Busted up Brit blames bad 'Busa 'bout being the buggerer of broken bones. Apparently there are issues with the Hyabusa subframe and people are getting a bit angry about it. You can read more about it at MCN where they have a nice article on it.

• I smoke less crack than this guy:

Yeah, I know my motorcycle toy addiction is getting out of hand, but this guy makes me look like nothin:

Jeff's BMW Motorcycle Toy Page

He's got a better motorcycle toy collection than me AND he spent the summer touring Europe. Maybe he never ever gets laid and everything actually balances out.

• UTMC 2 GO:

If you own a Palm OS device (Palm Pilot, Visor, oneofthosefunky IBM/Palm things or compatible) and you wish you could bring the UTMC page with you (so ya got something to read when resting in public restrooms or something) good news is on the way. I'm looking into options for converting the entire page into the popular "DOC" format. There will also be the ability do just nab the articles and news you want individually. If things work out really well there will be a Palm capable version of the page online for you modem users (even the message board if I can). I'll give more details as things happen.

• Tired of wearing guy gear:

Here's one for all the female UTMC page readers, yeah, we got a bunch of em too! Maybe you're really getting sick of your choice in riding gear being either that short cropped fringy pink leather jacket with matching skirt or buying guys gear in really small sizes, there's hope for ya yet. I found this page through MotoMama Magazine and it's sure to have what ya need:

Her Better Leather

It's a company that specializes in motorcycle gear for women (and appears to also do gear for guys too), check em out.

• RUDE DUDE!:

Hmm..... so I got this Akira t-shirt on ebay, outbid the other guy a few hours before the end of the auction. Last night I check my email to find this message from the guy I outbid:

"Dude why did you have to outbid me i needed that shirt thats low dude really low"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Ahhh, I thought it was an auction, he "needed" the shirt??? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! The temptation to be a real prick to this shirtless newbie AOLer was huge, too bad I'm such a nice guy eh?

• Bush For What????:

Now don't think I'm some whacko Gore cheerleader, I see Gore as the lesser of two evils and the main reason I feel I gotta vote for him is to keep Bush outta office. Don't hold it against me and write me a bunch of hate mail, that shit just makes me laugh. I know some of you out there wanna vote for Bush, some of you even wanna vote for Nader, some may even wanna vote for that guy with the hypnotic voice and I really have no interest in changing your mind at all and fully support your freedom to vote how you want to. Oh, actually if you wanna vote for Buchannan you might want to shove a lit stick of dynamite up yer bunghole, just a thought.

Anyhu, The MRF has decided in their great wisdom to back Bush, this backing came on the heels of a very suspicious bunch of circumstances in which the Bush and Gore camps both had a very limited amount of time to answer a bunch of "do you support motorcyclists" questions. Funny tho that the questions asked and the answers given don't seem to be available anywhere for MRF members to judge for themselves, not to mention that the Bush endorsement was given before the response from the Gore camp arrived. It all sounds a little screwy to me and it disappoints me that I gave a contribution to a "motorcycle rights group" that so far is just acting as a cheerleading squad for the republicans. Here's a humorous post from another irritated MRF member from the MRF Message Board, it explains just how great Bush has been for Texas.

"Posted by Buzz on October 05, 2000 at 15:00:13:

YOU REPUBLICANS MIGHT WANNA SKIP THIS PART...

GOP lame duck George Dubya Bush keeps telling us he wants to do for America what he's done for the great state of Texas. Well, a cursory examination of that
particular state's per capita stats offers a startling glimpse into the sorry condition of Dubya's Lone Star Utopia. Let's take a gander at the numbers, shall we?

First, where TEXAS RULES!

Texas is FIRST in "toxic air releases"! (that's air pollution to you and me)
Texas is FIRST in Smog Alert Days! (that's when the air is so bad kids and old people can't go outside)
Texas is FIRST in drunk-driving deaths! (like Dubya, Texas likes to PARTY!)
Texas is FIRST in gun-related child injuries and deaths! (Gee, I wonder where they rank in paid NRA memberships?)
Texas has the MOST children without any form of health insurance!
Texas is FIRST in the number of prisoners executed since 1976! (Hell, they blow away every other state COMBINED!)

Not number one, but they're trying…

Texas has the fifth highest teenage birth rate!
Texas has the third highest number of children living in poverty! (see above for a pretty good reason why)
Texas is second in the percentage of their population who are currently behind bars! (most of them for committing lesser crimes than Dubya probably did well into
his 30s)
So of course, it would follow that Texas is ninth in spending on prisons...

Now, the low numbers…

Texas is 41st in spending on K-thru-12 education! (cuz fancy book-learnin' don't do you no good, no how)
Texas is 45th in mothers receiving pre-natal care! (Hey, kids are tougher than we give them credit for! They don't need no egghead sawbones to birf no babies!)
Texas is 46th in public library funding! (admittedly, an issue not likely to "vulcanize" the populace, but what the hey…)
Texas is 46th in High School completion rates! (insert another vulcanization joke here)
Texas is 46th in water resources-protection! (But that's only because all those darn Mexicans drank it all! Right? Right?)
Texas is 48th in funding for public health! (Texans cook their food to a cinder anyway, so I guess they don't need no steenkin' meat inspectors)
Texas is 48th in spending for Parks and Recreation! ("Go and play in the traffic, kid… there's no place else to go!")
Texas is 48th in spending for the arts! (But then, who needs art when you've got the rodeo?)
Texas is 49th in spending for the Environment! (Cuz only commies worry about the air and the water and all that other faggot stuff…)
And finally, after all Bush's squawking about the importance of education and how he's going to make it one of his major concerns, it turns out Texas is 50th in
teachers' salaries!

And there you have it! Bush's blueprint for a dumber, dirtier, sicker America."

10/9-10/00

It's Monday, the weekend is over and it's time to go back to work ( well, unless you got a job that works you on the weekends....hmm, that's probably a bunch). Had a pretty mellow weekend, lots of hangin at home with the sweetheart tryin to detox from the Vicadin, withdrawls are a bitch! Anyhu, sorry the Weekend Updates have become Weakened Updates, I'll get the hang of things again after I'm over the shakes eh? Got some good stuff for ya today tho........

• Letters in:

I've received a bunch of letters in the last few weeks and figured I'd add a few of my favorites up here in the news section:

Subject: checkin yer site.

From: GOR GOR

"Hey. I was wandering around this world of net-porn and bikes and stumbled upon your site. It turns out we have a mutual friend... Bryan Elsloo. I guess he used to run with the 667 crew back in the day. Anyway, he and I started yacking about bikes awhile back and we got the proverbial "wild hair up our asses" and ran over to Twin Peaks and each picked up a new Trumpet! So Bryan is back on a bike. He seems to think this will make ya happy. Just thought I'd say hey. Your site is fuckin' hilarious!

Later/ GOR GOR"

--No shit! Well this is gonna make a bunch of us happy! Get that new beasty outta the garage Bryan, we'll be bangin down yer door this upcoming weekend to go ridin!

---------

Subject: all good things come to those who hate

From: Buck-Fitty 893

"Oh how my empassioned monkey heart leaps with joy at the thought of you up on two again. Despite months of dreaming about the invention of a bomb that only dissolves trucks and suvs along with their dimwitted pilots, the moment of your gentle bottom being cradled by that fine Bavarian upholstery must have washed clean your blackened soul a bit. I am so happy to be able to imagine the sight of you tearing around on your fire breathing ebony steed hunting dragons and keeping the world safe with Lisa running interference behind you. Ala Don Quixote and Pancho Villa. Just do me one favor, for my peace of mind. When you are about to ride straight into one of those dragon's fiery maws, say to yourself "what am i doing? it's only a windmill, only a windmill, only a windmill." Thanks, i'll sleep better. Congrats again at being able to straddle the St. Pauli girl every day, in all her German beauty, Commander Buck Fitty."

--Thanks for the kind words Buck! I'll try to keep a cool head on the road.....and I'll steer clear of Holland for a bit;-) I'm hopin next spring we'll be riding out there to visit you guys! BTW, I need the specs on yer GSXR so I can add it up to the Gallery page. Take care brothah.

--------

Subject: UTMC

From: Jeremy

"Hello
I've been visiting your website quite often after a guy named pavement mentioned it to me. I work next to Paris and always see the streetfighters down there while working late. I don't have alot to say except I really enjoy the site and thought I'd submit a photo of my 97' B-6. I've done all of the usual mods to it (pipe, jet kit, k&n) as well as trashing all of the unnecessary parts and adding a clubman bar and 7" round headlight. It's slowly turning into what I envisioned it to be when I bought it. Still to come are rearsets, Stiffer suspension goodies (stock is badly in need of a rebuild!) , and some new sticky rubber to replace the balding hoops you see in the photo.

Keep the rubber side down...

-Jeremy"

--That's a killer 'fighter man! Lemmie know if you'd like to have a photoshoot up on the gallery section. Also, feel free to hang out with us when you're down at Paris, can never have enough bikey types eh? Keep it fast and flat black!

---------

Subject: To Beemer Dan: YOU DA' MAN...a venting letter

From: Joe

"Dear UTMC Hombres,

Just found your websight and thoroughly enjoyed the article "The All New Y2K Redneck Cycle". As a sport bike/touring enthusiast stuck in the Confederate Holy land which is Georgia, I find myself disgusted with the immensely popular mindset & outright pride displayed by MANY people here. They proudly wear clothing proclaiming them Rednecks, displaying confederate flags and catchy though modestly outdated phrases such as, "The South Shall Rise Again", "Redneck and Proud of It", "Ain't Skeered" and other such slogans reminiscent of MENSA proclamations.

I also have the outstanding benefit of working in a shit hole of a town called LaGrange (my group was just relocated from New England). Though I have met some very kind people, the majority I've run across are dumbassed, uneducated, racist, cock sucking mother fuckers who know jack shit about the real world around them and firmly believe all non whites are below them and that the South shall truly rise again....YEAH RIGHT!!! They can't even fucking perform a simple calculus function, read coherently above a 1st grade level and some even think that the Apollo missions werefilmed in the Nevada desert!!!! And finally (drum roll on the climax of a frustration letter) the meanest, most devious, back stabbing, two-timing, gossiping,hypocritical, intolerant S.O.B, control freaks I've ever met are the ones who proclaim themselves to be the saved and the chosen...The Good Ole Southern Baptists. Here's the general rule, if they claim to be a "Good Christian"..watch out!

Thanks for article! In short, I'm angry, but I'll get over it. Peace and Good Riding. Joe"

--I hear ya brothah, we don't have it nearly as bad as you do, but the ugly head of racism seems to still be around way to often! I feel for ya living there in the bowels of redneck country. That's a part of the US I like to keep my ass out of, I figure I wouldn't last long running around burning confederate flags...especially the ones on peoples t-shirts! As far as religon goes, don't get me started! I know people of all different backrounds, and we all seem to get along fine. Here's a hint though, even the christians I know don't like the hellfire and damnation types it sounds like you're dealing with, especially the street preacher types (I don't think anyone like them tho). The extreme religous whackos are definately thier own unique flavor of racism, sad but true. Keep fighting the good fight man!

---------

Subject: Trucks

From: Mikey Vegas 893

"Listen man.......I own a truck, and I haven't nor do I plan to hit anybody with it.
I'm a damned careful driver, as a matter of fact, due to two things:

1)I'm a rider, I know how scary it can be.

2)I'm a considerate human being, not interested in inflicting pain on others.

But keep in mind, the next time an 893 bike is unable to move under it's own power, you know where it's gonna wind up? In the back of my truck. About 5 already have in the first season I've had it. Never mind all the moves, furniture, what have you......Some of us have good reason to own 'em.

What happened to you sucks. Badly. But it's the asshole behind the wheel. Not the inanimate object he was operating at the time that is at fault. I'm sorry if this upsets you, bro.....I think that guy should get locked up. But I just felt like I needed to say this.

-Mikey Vegas

PS: I'm PSYCHED to hear you're back up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

--Hey man, you are one of the nicest guys I know. So I know you would never nail a biker with your truck, neither would Socko or RevD or Dr. Jason or Rev. Todd or.......DAMN! See what just happened??? Allright Vegas, now you've done it, you've inspired me to get all political and write an article on this subject! I'll have something up soon! Until then, everyone out there who's up on two wheels, but also drives one of those flatbed tanks, I'm not yellin at you when I rant, but FTFSEFMBFTDE( fuckin trucks fuckin suck except for me bikey friends that drive em) is just too damn long.

-------

Thassit for the letters this time around, if you have any comments, questions, concerns, rants, complaints, good news or bad, or you just wanna send in a pict of yer bike, send an email off to scratchy@uswest.net

• Hey Manzruin:

You could use one of these in the chilly months eh?

This pict sent in by Eyeball Eric of the 667

• RatBike Zone t-shirts:

Yep, you too can now own your very own Rat Bike Zone "Chrome Sucks" t-shirt, sweatshirt or coffee mug:

Take a wander over and you'll find all the Rat Bike Zone gear you'll need for ridin (no knickers cause in the UK they tend to ride without em). Also, check out the Rat Bike Gallery while yer there:

10/4/00

Hey, lookit that! We're almost to another weekend of nice, sunny, warm weather eh? Today looks al little on the bleak side, but I don't really care what the sky looks like, I've got allot of riding time to catch up on! Sorry the news has been so sparse lately, been havin vicadin withdrawls, fuckin ouch! So here's a chunk of news for ya to ooggle at....

• R1200C Stunt Rider:

Here's for everyone the other night that thought the R1200C can't do wheelies:

http://perso.infonie.fr/joe_bar/bmw/goy.htm

Yep, this appears to be the guy that did all the stunts for the James Bond flick ( since Pierce Brosnan is a big wuss). What do ya think I'd really by a bike that had a low Hooligan Quotent????

• Burning Man:

Yeah, so while I was healing up from getting splattered by a fuckhead in a big truck, my boss and someo'the guys I work with were off at Burning Man! What a bummer that I missed that eh? Anyhu, I'm all up for goin next year, who else want's to go? Here's a page with some of the killer sights at Burning Man

• All The Bikes:

It looks like a fella named Bert is putting together a visual encyclopedia of allthe bikes of the 20th century. Each page is a bunch of thumnails that link to nice big pictures of cool cycles! Although the page is seriously cool, it only goes from A to H. It's still worth checkin out, and give Bert a big thanks for doin this cool project eh.

• Superbike Magazine:

Well here's a nice bit of news from our very own veggite, Pseudo:

"I was talking with Voodoo the other day and he showed me a copy of this British biker mag that I thought kicked ass. I figured I'd check on-line to see what I'd find and here are the results"

http://www.gci-net.com/users/s/superbike/

BTW, there were some nice pictures from this site that were sent along with the email, but seeing as I got em all sticky I wouldn't wanna put em up. You can find em on the Superbike paage if ya look real hard tho.

• Haggis??

Now this is real cool, it's Lloyd's World of Haggis!! Yeah, go get yerself a big stinky bowl of the good stuff eh???? He's got the history of haggis, some recipies, and even liks to other fine foods like menudo and lutefisk. You can also play "Hunt the haggis", there's a link to the outpost for HEWN, The Haggis Early Warning Network, and an essay of the breeding habbits of haggis. Yep, I hope yer not eating breakfast!

• The official "Fuck a Fat Chick" page:

Seriously tho, it's really Moped.org, the page with everything moped. If you ever wanted to know anything about mopeds, this is the place! There are even Moped Gangs, like this one:

Shogun Moped/Scooter Army

"We ride in packs, chill with fellow moped ryderz, have drag/ride events. And pimp like Kid Rock on our mopeds."

Ya gotta love it eh?

10/4/00

• Dumbass president wannabees:

Any of you catch the fuckin presidential debate last night?? What a fuckin joke! I can't believe those two blowjobs are our choice for who's gonna lead this country. Bush( the stupid little rich kid he is) had some really fine moments up there. Especially these statements:

"We should fight war to win war to prevent war in the first place!"

"An at risk child is one that can't learn"

Yeah, no shit! What a moron! This dildo thinks that because he can run Texas into the ground he aughtta be president! No thanks Bushy, I'd rather have Beavus and Butthead in the Oval office.

Then there's Gore, the guy who's been number 2 for the last eight years. This wanker never even blinks, man, what the fuck is he an oil painting?? When the subject of alternative forms of transportation came up did he mention motorcycles??? FUCKIN NO! I wanna like this dork since I feel like he's more likely to do a better job, but he's just another crackhead!

Man, I know I'd like to vote for:

More news tomorrow folx.

BTW, sorrry about the small updates, I'm busy goin through vicadin withdrawls eh.

10/3/00

• The Road Diary:

Well, over the weekend The final installment of Rue, Buck and Tatto's road diary arrived in my mailbox:

Subject: wore the skin off my teeth.
Date: Sat, 30 Sep 2000 18:08:22 -0400
From: Cmdr. Buck Fitty

"Now that i have made it home, i have had a moment of quiet reflection to figure out just what it was that we accomplished. Upon arrival into my driveway here in the vacation paradise of Medford Massachusetts i took stock of what didn't work anymore. it is a long list. i should probably start at the beginning of the last day. Upon receipt of info from mapquest.com Rue and i saw that (ironically enough) it is exactly 893 miles from Myrtle Beach SC to his house in Boston. Well, with a sign like that we saw only one thing that we could do (never mind the100 beans JMack bet us that we could'nt do it in 24 hrs.) a non-stop bullet run up the east coast was in order. Now nevermind that a gsxr1100 is NOT an enduro bike, and that by this point Rues gs1100e was mostly jimmied bullet connectors and gobs of high temp gasket sealer, and a baby's ass is a dozen times rougher and thicker skinned than my tires by this point.

It really seemed like a good idea. Not a smart, practical idea.(we're nuts not stupid. well, mostly) So off we went into the late afternoon without the foggiest notion that it was going to be 45 degrees all night and that a sweatshirt has NO down in it. All night we went and Rues chain got a bad, loud, clacking kink in it. Well, it was dark and we were frozen stiff and tired and everybody knows that if you pretend it's not there it won't be. So off we went into the cold dark night, one of my hands frozen numb and cramped literally into a claw by this point (it was numb so i grabbed tighter and tighter so i would'nt let go. i just could'nt feel it through the cramping.) the other monkey paw i kept jammed into my fairing vent up against my engine block sure that the heat would travel up my arm and warm my whole body. That does'nt work by the way, you just burn your hand. Over and over if you think it'll work eventually. Around dawn we pulled into a rest stop in NJ cuz i was having some trouble. Apparently i got a short somewhere in my electrical system that knocked out my tach, directionals(no they weren't just low on fluid) display lights, taillight, and most importantly my brake lights. All this as we prepared to wrestle our way through the NYC morning commute. Stop and drink coffee until rush hour is over, you say? No way thats for pussies, much too smart an idea, and we had had about 19 javas by then so screw it. Besides we had already been awake for 22 hours, riding for 16, and freezing for 13, so firing synapses were the last things on our minds. So off we went into the suv missile filled morning, half cocked on half bikes. Rue was a fine lad riding behind me acting as my brake lights, while he was awake enough to pay attention, and i was awake enough to not go to fast.(those gsxrs just go fast you don't even have to try or nothing, it's not my fault Rue) with the coming of day we were more giddy with exhaustion and cold and hunger and actually hallucinated in lieu of dreaming a couple of times. Although this last was very interesting i cannot reccomend it at 85 mph.

Did i mention that as a result of extreme heat in the AZ desert, my front brake rotors were warped to uselessness? because this lil' fact made stuff like stopping quite something to try and accomplish without a thick wall to help you. Anyway, off into the chilly New England afternoon, we made it to MA, although at a crucial exit we in our altered states, went opposite ways by accident. i had to fend for my sorry monkey ass by myself for the remaining 25 miles. i managed ok. i figured that with no tires, brakes, or brake lights i should just go really fast around all of the cars and not stop for nothing. Upon arriving back in my fair city i found it difficult to coordinate simple motor skill tasks like trying to use your front and rear brakes as well as your footbrakes ala flintstones at every stop light. There was this one volvo that unwittingly helped me stop at one light but he did'nt seem to be th happy to help out kind. My blown fork seal and raggedyloose chain were not thrilled about the Boston jeep eating potholes and my raggedy body was'nt thrilled with me. i finally arrived home in 23 hours and 40 minutes, using our fence to stop. Just in time to call Jmack to collect the loot. At this point i only had energy for three things:

1. the naughty ministrations of a certain female companion of mine (it has been a long five weeks and i'm gonna shoot her across the room) which she gladly attended to.

2. for strength i tore into the Beemer Dan and Lisa care package and gorged myself on Pokemon cereal, the finest taste treat in the world.(don't argue the pokemon thing with me you can't win, i know i have a problem but they're shiny and the keep them right next to the register what's a guy to do?)

3. after being up for 36 hours and riding for almost 24 of it, with a full belly and an empty bag, Commander Buck Fitty laid down for a long Autumn's nap.

Now it is Sunday and i just got feeling back in three of my fingers on my right hand. Everything still more or less hurts and Johnny Socko told us that we should wear hockey helmets all the time, even though we're not on the team. Yes in hindsight we had to be pretty intrepid(retarded) trailblazing(unthinking boobs), and blindly faithful in the performance and stamina of our trusty steeds(uncaring and turning a blind eye to what we knew was very very bad). For Johnny Socko to just chuckle to himself and say "you guys are idiots. I mean real morons. What were you two thinking?" we knew then that we had accomplished something noteworthy. For those of you who know him, to get him to white knuckle in absentia is no easy feat indeed and only served to confirm what we had already supected. We are not only this pretty, but we have brighter, shinier, more bulbous blue asses than any other monkeys in the tree. In closing, we owe so much to the 667 bunch but if you stop drinking so much coffee you might not run into so much shit. That aside we love you and thank you for everything, you got us right here. Also don't do what we do, most of you aren't stark raving out of your tits enough to live through it. Lunacy is a viable job skill, mom. Off i go into the cyber-night,

Cmdr. Buck Fitty 893*GFN, Boston"

It's great to hear you guys made it back in all the peices we last saw you in. It was great havin you here and I'm sure the rest of the towns you tore through have fond memories of ya also! Ya'know, since I got all the emails you guys sent out, and you guys got lotsa great pictures, I think I aughtta make a section just for your trip in the gallery section! Lemmie know if that sounds ok to you fellas eh? Hope to see you guys and the rest of the 893 early next year!

Sorry folx, that's all the news for now. I'm pretty burned from workin hard and riding as much as possible, check back in a few days for more great stuff from your gimpiest webmaster!